


Wide Awake

by cool_nick_miller



Category: New Girl
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Exes, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Reunions, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-04 09:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16343993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cool_nick_miller/pseuds/cool_nick_miller
Summary: Jessica Day is in love with Nicholas Miller, the old turkey burger! Everything has gotten on top of her lately and when Nick calls to invite her to visit him in New Orleans while Reagan is away on business, she knows it is a bad idea...but no good fic ever starts with someone making a smart decision :) Set at the very start of season 6. *I don't own anything relating to New Girl*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic that started as an idea for a OS after hearing the song New Orleans by Parachute...it gave me Ness feels, and I had a sudden vision in my head for them reuniting out there. As most fics do, this one then grew legs of its own and snowballed in to a much longer story than planned - but it's one of my favourites to have written and I really hope you enjoy it. This was originally uploaded to FF.net last year and finished earlier this year, but decided to transfer over to ao3....ENJOY!

CHAPTER ONE:

 

After shoving the boys away from Jess's bedroom and trying to address the real reason for her best friend's multitude of new hobbies, Cece sighed and looked at Jess with a furrowed brow.

"Babe, what's really going on?"

"Nothing's going on! Listen, these table legs won't turn themselves, Cece, so..."

Removing the wood gently from Jess's hand and placing it on the bed, Cece gripped either side of her arms "Okay, enough is enough...sit down. Now."

For once, Jess dutifully did as she was told.

"I can't stand seeing you like this, Jessica. That man has you well and truly under his spell but he doesn't even know it. You are lovesick in the most extreme way, but until you acknowledge that and try to address it, you're going to drive yourself crazy staying up all hours trying to channel it into all these stupid classes."

Jess bit the inside of her cheek, the hot tears stinging her eyes again. It was a sensation she was ridiculously familiar with, having cried herself to sleep every damn night since Nick had left for New Orleans with Reagan. Staring at a speck of sawdust on the floor, she tried desperately to blink them back but they defeated her, spilling over on to her cheeks and landing on her faded dungarees.

"Oh, honey. Come here." Cece bundled her into a tight embrace the way she had many times before, except usually it had been after a break up. This case of a pining Jess was unusual and rather concerning. She was losing all her bounce and sparkle, the light in her eyes had dulled noticeably over the past couple of months. Pulling back, she dipped her face in front of her friend "Jess, sweetheart...when was the last time you had any sleep? And remember I taught you how to lie to your mother - so I know all your tells. I want the truth."

"Truthfully? I can't remember the last time I slept properly. I must have averaged about 3 hours over the past four nights. I close my eyes and I just...I can't...all I can see is his face, Ceec..." Jess crumpled into Cece's arms and sobbed. Her whole body shuddering with the force of emotions being released after she had refused to answer the door to them for so many weeks. Now they were stood front and centre with no way of being avoided. She had to confront them.

"Okay. You _have_ to go and see someone about this, you need to start getting some sleep. You're exhausted, and this is not healthy. I'm taking you to the doctor's office first thing tomorrow..."

Jess opened her mouth to speak but Cece silenced her by raising a hand palm side out "...uh-uh, no arguments. You've been running at 100mph for far too long, everything you did in the run up to my wedding, dealing with the Dr Sam break up, working all those extra hours just to keep busy? And, you know...this other huge thing you're trying to skirt around. You can't carry on like that. We're going, alright?"

Swiping the back of her hand under her eyes to dry the rest of her tears, Jess took a deep breath and nodded her head.

"Alright. But...please don't tell the guys? Schmidt will just end up telling Nick and then he'll try and call me again but_"

"I promise, Jess."

...

Stepping out into the parking lot, Jess felt the sun beat down on her head. Lifting her face into the warmth, she paused for a moment and let it seep in to her skin. She had been sceptical about seeing the Doctor, I mean...everyone deals with crap in their life, right? Hers wasn't really that important in the grand scheme of things. It shouldn't have been anything she couldn't deal with - but, actually, Jess already felt so much lighter as she walked out of the office, admitting the fact she was struggling had been a little liberating and she felt better just knowing she had accepted that. Returning to her car and a waiting Cece, Jess flopped into the driver's seat and gave a sheepish smile "Well, you were right - I told them everything, all of it..."

"And...?"

"...and now the Doctor has put me on medical leave - effective immediately - with extreme stress and exhaustion." Jess sighed and leaned her head against the backrest "How did I get here, Ceec? It's just Nick... _Nick_. He's the most irritating boy in the whole damn world - yet now I somehow can't eat, can't sleep...can barely do _anything_ without him dominating every single thought in my mind. Gahhhh! Why? Why _now_?!"

"The heart wants what it wants, babe. There ain't no sense in love. I mean, look at me...I ended up with _Schmidt!_ Who ever would have seen that one coming?"

Cece laughed and Jess followed, reaching for her outstretched hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Thank you for being here."

"Always. You're my girl - I got your back, honey. Just promise you won't keep stuff like this from me anymore. If you're having a hard time, you've got to tell me."

"I promise."

The loud ringing of her phone had Jess diverting her attention to her purse and rooting around in her bag. Bringing the handset on to her lap she stared at it for a moment, dropping it on to her knees as if it were some kind of alien device. It was then that Cece noticed Nick's name on the screen. Chewing on her bottom lip, Jess exhaled loudly and scrunched up her face as she hit the 'Reject Call' button. Looking across to see the pity on Cece's face, she buried her face in her hands "That's the third time he's tried to call since yesterday...I'm a terrible person, I know...I'm just not ready." Jess moaned.

"And hey - that's fine. You'll talk to him when the time is right, but for now you need to focus on you. Maybe we could go for lunch, or grab a drink? Wind down a little?"

"No - thanks, though...I think I'm just gonna head home if that's okay? The doc gave me some of these bad boys..." Jess shook a medicine bottle full of sleeping pills "...so I'm going to try and do something I haven't done in years. Today, Cece, I'm going to have a daytime nap."

"Well, good for you! I think you deserve it..." She smiled and patted Jess on the knee, signalling for her to start up the car to drive them back to the loft.

...

The screen of her phone illuminated once again, loud vibrations on the bedside table rousing Jess from the first full night of sleep she'd had in weeks. After the two-hour nap she had earlier, Jess had been dubious about her ability to sleep again that evening. But fall asleep she did. Soundly, and aided by the sleeping pills. Blindly slapping her hand around, she squinted at the phone in the half light of her room and saw Nick's name flashing. Feeling bad for avoiding his calls, and ignoring the nagging thought in the back of her mind telling her to _stay away from him for her own sanity,_ her finger swiped to answer and she placed the phone to her ear before her mind had a chance to talk her in to doing otherwise.

"Hey..." Jess croaked, trying to clear the sound of sleep from her voice.

"What the hell, Jess?" His voice was shrill and high pitched "I've been calling you for two days - I was starting to get worried!" Nick's voice was sterner than he'd intended it to be, but he was so relieved to hear her voice that he soon softened "And why do you sound like you've been smoking?!"

"Firstly - hello to you, too, Nicholas. Secondly, I'm sorry about not returning your calls - it's been a crazy few days and I'm just wiped out...thirdly, I sound like _this_ because it's 6am and _you've_ just woken me up..."

"Crap, sorry. I always forget I'm a couple hours ahead now. I didn't mean to wake you, it's just...I didn't know what was going on - you always answer your phone. Or if you can't, you message me back at least...but it's been radio silence for days, Jess."

Feeling the lump rise in her throat and the knot of longing build in her stomach, she sat herself up in bed and rested against the pillows. There was nothing she wanted more than to speak to him every day, to sit on the phone for an hour and laugh freely at his stupid jokes and mixed up sayings...but just hearing his voice these days was putting her on edge. The way he said her name made her stomach do somersaults and she couldn't keep herself in check. Too frightened she would blurt out something that should remain unsaid, it was easier for her to shut it out and ignore his calls or send a text when she was pretending to be too busy to talk. Jess realised she had been so caught up in how _she_ was feeling that she hadn't once bothered to stop and wonder how Nick was, and whether he was doing okay in New Orleans. He'd been so nervous on the day he left - he almost looked like a little wartime refugee from the 1940's being packed off with a single bag of his belongings for a better life elsewhere. Writing this book was a big deal for him, and living with Reagan a bigger one. She owed it to him to be a better friend.

Friends don't lie.

"Nick, I really am sorry for not getting back to you. The truth is I...the truth _is_ that I've not been feeling great recently, so I went to Doctor yesterday. I've been put on medical leave for the next month."

"What? Are you ok? What's wrong?"

The alarm in his voice was very sweet, and Jess allowed herself to smile at his concern.

"Oh, it's nothing...it's just _work stuff_. Work stress, you know...not enough hours in the day, right?"

Okay, so friends lied.

But it was for their own protection. That's what Jess was going to keep telling herself, anyway.

"So I am now a lady of leisure. Rest and relaxation are the order of the day!"

"Well, that's great!"

"...it is?"

"Not that you're stressed, obviously. But that you're on leave - the timing couldn't be better!"

Jess's brows knitted together in confusion "It...couldn't?"

"No! It's perfect! Reagan is away on business in Seattle so I'm just rattling around this place on my own getting bored. You gotta come visit - I need me some Jess time!"

There was a long silence on the line. She wanted to be a good friend to him but, this? This would be hitting the self destruct button, surely?

"Jess?" Nick questioned.

"Oh, sorry...I, uh...you know, I'm not sure if that's the best idea. All the travelling and I just...I should be resting..."

"Come on, I haven't seen you in so long - I miss hanging out. You can rest here, I won't bother you. You can see the sights, read, crochet - whatever...it will be fun. A change of scenery might be good, right? I'll take good care of you, I promise. Please, Jessica?"

Closing her eyes against the butterflies she felt as he said her name, Jess could feel the internal struggle playing out inside her body. She was being pulled in two very different directions by her head and her heart.

But her head had to win.

It _had_ to, she would be crazy to go over there by herself to see him right now. To share his apartment, his food, his space.

No.

_Say thanks, but no..._

"Sure, okay. Let's do it."

_Damn you, heart..._

 

_..._

_..._


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO:

 

Jess stepped cautiously towards the entrance of Nick's apartment, pausing briefly to try and stop the shaking in her hands before she knocked . Her palms were sweaty, but she couldn't be sure if that was her anxiety or just the sweltering humidity of the New Orleans climate. Staring at the ornate numbering on the door, she ran her fingers gently over the metal. Jess could see why Reagan liked this place. It was very upmarket. She swallowed down the lump in her throat, letting the nervousness settle in her stomach like a bundle of squirming worms. Everything she had been trying to protect herself from was standing on the other side of that door, and now was her last chance to turn around and go home - to make some excuse about a cancelled flight and carry on trying to fool herself that she could get over him and move on. This was not a good idea, that much she could tell. Looking down at her bags, Jess frowned. What had she been thinking?

No...she couldn't do this. _Not yet_.

Bending forward to gather the mountain of stuff she had bought along, the door flew open in front of her causing Jess to screech in shock, losing her balance and stumbling to her knees in the process. Her heart stuttered in her chest as she looked up to see Nick standing before her in all his beautiful sun tanned glory. He'd let his stubble grow out slightly longer and had clearly been using the gym in the basement, because she couldn't fail to notice the way his t-shirt clung to his chest that bit tighter than normal, and the way the muscles in his arms had flexed as he crossed them in front of him and looked down at her, clearly amused.

"What are ya doin down there, Day? I know I'm living like a King and all these days, but there really is no reason to bow at my feet..." He cocked his head to one side and raised a brow.

Jess couldn't think of a single word to say. Not one. She hurried to get back upright and dusted off her skirt, still very aware that she hadn't yet spoken and would be expected to do so very soon. She looked up at him and realised he was patiently waiting for her response.

"Bug!" Jess blurted out, flustered.

"Excuse me?"

"There was a bug...er...on my shoe..."

"Oh, right. So you want some help with those bags?" He clapped his hands together enthusiastically.

"Sure. I mean, I guess..." Jess took a step away from him as he leant forward, scooping up her things. His biceps tensed as he lifted his arms and it made her insides quiver, so she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, gave herself a firm shake (both mentally and physically) and forced herself to walk calmly into the apartment behind him.

"Jeez, Jessica - did you bring the entire contents of the loft with you? Why do girls always travel with so much stuff? It's crazy - Reagan does the exact same thing!"

_And there it was_.

A mere 15 seconds in to her stay and he was already referencing his beautiful girlfriend. Jess wasn't quite sure why she had expected anything different, but the lurch of her stomach when she heard him say Reagan's name was certainly going to be more difficult to live with for the next three weeks than she'd anticipated.

"What can I say?" She laughed weakly "I like to be prepared!"

_Yeah, for heartbreak - you dummy._

Ignoring the chastising she was receiving from her inner voice, Jess stood awkwardly inside the entrance hall and twisted her fingers together.

She was here. With Nick. Alone. Oh, God...

_Get it together. You've got this. It's just Nick - stupid, Turkey Burger Nick. You're just here to rest and recuperate. Change of scenery. That's all. Nothing to see here people, move along!_

"So..." she said, clapping her hands together.

"So...you're here!" Nick placed the bags down just inside the living area, turning back to her with a massive grin "Welcome to my humble abode. Let me give you the grand tour! Here we have the official living/chilling/doing nothing area...and just over there is the kitchen and breakfast bar - or, as I like to call it, my 'writers bar'"

Jess stepped into the room and looked around. It really was a beautiful apartment. The half exposed brickwork in the kitchen gave it such character, and the little shutters on the windows were like something from a fairytale. It was a real mish-mash of styles - the ultra modern kitchen units and sleek black counter of the breakfast bar (sorry: 'writers bar') with its round, white leather stools should have seemed completely out of place but, somehow...it didn't. Quietly running her finger along the large wooden side table at the back of the room, she stopped in front of a set of double doors and turned to Nick, excitement in her voice "Is that a balcony?"

"Sure is..." he laughed "but you've seen plenty of those before, right? It's nothing new!"

"Yeah, but...it's so... _pretty_ out there!" Jess whispered, gazing at the wrought iron railings that ran the length of the long, narrow balcony outside. There was just enough room for a small, round metal table and matching chairs. Three little wooden window boxes were hanging on the railings, housing an array of tiny coloured flowers, all showing off their bright petals and vying for her attention.

"Well, then - make good use of it while you're here. It's a bit neglected, we don't go out there much..."

"Oh?"

"Reagan prefers eating inside..." He turtled his face and gave a little shrug "Air-con, you know..." There was the slightest of pauses before Nick took a deep breath and continued "...Okay, this way for the rest of your magical mystery tour, kid..." Gesturing for her to follow, she obliged and allowed him to show her around.

"So, there's the laundry room, linen closet...bathroom's up that way. No explanation needed for what happens in _there_..." Stepping further down the hall he flung open the door to his bedroom, proudly declaring "...and _this_ is where the magic happens!" He laughed at himself, a little too enthusiastically.

"Gross..." Jess grimaced, thankful that he laughed harder and seemed fully unaware of the way her heart seized in her chest as she noticed a pair of Reagan's shoes sitting casually on the floor next to a pair of Nick's. Evidence of their union as a couple was everywhere - Reagan's make up on the dresser alongside Nick's watch, their clothes hanging side by side in the wardrobe Nick had lazily left open. Her eyes landed on the bed and saw Reagan's pristine side of the sheets next to Nick's creased covers and scrunched up pillow - she remembered the way he would sometimes hug into it as he slept and was suddenly hit by a wave of longing.

"You okay, Jess?"

"Hmm?" Her head snapped up to look at him.

"You've gone really pale - are you feeling alright? You need some water?"

"Um, actually, I'm feeling pretty exhausted from the journey..." She lied, faking a yawn and quickly turning her back on his room.

"Perfect time for me to show you to your bedroom for the next few weeks, then!" He smiled kindly and gestured to the door right across from them "Ta-da! Just like back at the loft - we're hall buddies!"

"Oh, yay!" It took everything Jess had to try and sound vaguely excited about the fact she would be sleeping just a few feet away from him every night.

It was a huge apartment - they couldn't have the bedrooms at opposite ends?!

Jess walked in and saw the beautifully made up bed with crisp white sheets, a mountain of dainty little cushions scattered across the pillows - something she would usually be delighted about. Delicate voile netting hung up at the windows to shield some of the sunlight that streamed in, casting shadows that danced along the hardwood floors. It was nice, really nice.

She must have said that last bit out loud because Nick was suddenly standing next to her again, having retrieved her bags from the entrance hall "Yeah, it looks great, huh? It was a bit of a mess in this room when we first moved in, but Reagan did a great job working her magic to fix it up!"

"Of course she did...this is brilliant." Jess smiled tightly before excusing herself to unpack and have a lie down on the beautiful bedding Nick's girlfriend had lovingly picked out.

_Eurgh_.

...

Nick span on the kitchen stool as he heard Jess's bedroom door open. Listening to her pad down the hall, he beamed as she shuffled in to the living area. Jess removed her glasses and rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she stifled a yawn. Squinting in the bright lighting overhead, she gave a sheepish smile back in his direction "Hey..."

"Evening, sleepyhead!"

"What time is it?" She groaned and walked over to take a seat on the stool next to him.

"A little after ten p.m"

" _What?!_ Why didn't you wake me?"

"I tried to!"

"You did?"

"Twice!"

"Oh..."

Nick chuckled at Jess's frown and noticed her bangs sticking to her forehead. She was going to hate what this heat and humidity would do to her hair. Slipping off his seat, he filled a glass with some iced water and returned to the breakfast bar to place it down in front of her, resting his elbows on the counter top.

"I knocked several times, loudly. But you were out for the count, Jess. That travelling really did wear you out, I guess."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Must be from lugging the loft contents all the way to New Orleans with me!" She joked, taking a large gulp of water and making a mental note that those sleeping pills from the Doctor were way more powerful than she'd realised.

Sitting back down, Nick glanced across at Jess and slowly clicked his laptop screen closed. He cleared his throat and tilted his head slightly "Are you sure you're okay? It feels like there's something you're maybe not telling me..."

Playing with the condensation on the side of her glass, Jess contemplated how to answer his question while avoiding his gaze. What she _wanted_ to say and what was _appropriate_ to say right now were two different things. She definitely couldn't tell him the real reason for her mood: _'No, Nick. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for a long time and it's all because I'm hopelessly in love with you. In fact, my heart shatters inside my chest a little every time I hear you speak about your girlfriend that isn't me, and I haven't slept in weeks because all I see when I close my eyes is your face as it haunts me in my dreams...'_

Jess didn't want to open that can of worms right now, there was no way she could handle the rejection without breaking into a thousand tiny pieces right before his eyes. Setting her face in a forced smile, she looked up at him "I've been better, I won't lie. The Doctor says I'm suffering from stress induced exhaustion due to everything that I've had on my plate recently with work, Cece's wedding, the break up and... _other_ life stuff that's gotten on top of me. I just need some good old fashioned R &R and I'm sure I'll be right as rain. I'm sorry, you must think I'm so rude - coming here to visit and just sleeping the whole afternoon away. I'm a terrible guest!"

"Of course not. I'm sorry, too...I thought it was just work stressing you out. I didn't realise how hard the break up with Sam had been for you on top of everything else. I should have known, the timing was awful, right before the wedding and..." He stopped himself, raising a hand in apology when he saw her wince at the mention of Sam's name "...just, whatever you need to do to feel better, you do it - alright? If that means sleeping all day then I'll just learn to be nocturnal to spend some time with you!" Nick winked affectionately and laid his hand over hers as it rested on the glass. A moment of quiet settled between them, but was harshly broken by the sound of her stomach yelling it's disgust at the fact it had remained empty since breakfast.

"Hungry are we, Day?"

Jess scrunched up her face in embarrassment "Sleeping through dinner was probably not the best move!"

Nick's face suddenly lit up with an idea and he hopped off his stool. Grabbing his keys from a large wooden bowl on a side table next to the couch, he returned excitedly to Jess and span her around to look at him "I know _just_ the thing you need!"

Gesturing to the front door, he helped her off the seat and encouraged her forward with his hand in the small of her back. They exited the apartment and Nick led a very confused Jess to the elevator.

"What's going on?!"

He flashed a grin in her direction and tapped a finger to the side of his nose "You'll see!"

 

...

...


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE:

 

Walking up the street still none the wiser to where she was going, Jess was hit by the intoxicating smell of sweet dough before they had even turned the corner "Oh my gosh, what is _that_?" She faced Nick and saw him grinning at her.

" _That_ , Jessica, is the smell of the best damn beignets you're ever going to taste in your life!"

Motioning for her to hook an arm through his, Nick hurried them along and stopped as the building came in to view. It was stood shining like a beacon among the dark backdrop of the night: Cafe du Monde - with its awning busting at the seams with eager customers, rows of lights strung around the outside making it glow so attractively. Jess felt drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. Her stomach was growling with a vengeance, sensing the presence of such amazing smelling food.

"Well what are we waiting for, Miller? Get me to that there establishment, post-haste!"

"As you wish, m'lady..."

They rushed over the crossing and Nick paused as they reached the cafe, eyes scanning the array of tables outside and searching for a free space. Noticing an elderly couple vacate their spot, his hand nudged Jess forward in their direction, ushering her to a small two seater table just to their left. It was ideally located: close enough to the door, but far enough out that Jess could indulge in some people watching - a well known favourite past time of hers.

"Perfect!" She declared, lowering herself to the chair Nick had pulled out for her.

"Okay, stay here. I'll be right back...I can't wait for you to taste these!"

Jess laughed at his enthusiasm and gave a little salute to indicate his instruction was received. She found herself watching him walk away towards the counter inside, sighing loudly as she appreciated the way his shoulders looked in the shirt he was wearing. Her eyes drifted down to his waist and kept going...

_Stop it! You're doing it again!_

Okay...distraction. She needed a distraction.

Jess turned her head and looked out across the bustling seating area. Her eyes fell on a young couple in an animated discussion about something they were both finding very amusing. The guy throwing his head back in laughter as the girl giggled with her hand covering her mouth. Clearly in the throes of blossoming love.

How sweet.

Moving her gaze across, she landed on a slightly older couple. The man's temples were beginning to turn a distinguished grey. He was well dressed and clearly had a lot of money, judging by the Rolex on his wrist. Jess smiled as the blonde lady he was with reached out across the table for his hand, but noticed the man flinch and move his arm away slightly. The lady look deflated and returned her hand to her lap, looking away from him sadly. That was when Jess saw him shifting his weight, looking around at the crowd of people anxiously and playing with the wedding ring on his left hand. Jess let out a little gasp as she realised that wasn't his wife he was out with.

Well, that was depressing.

"Jessica Day, are you in for a treat!" Nick's voice made her spin back round in her chair. He gently laid down a plate which was piled high with beignets drenched in powdered sugar to the centre of the table, and sat himself back in his chair, eyes gleaming with excitement. The smell of the little squares of fried dough was making Jess salivate, and she was pretty sure her eyes were out on stalks as she stared lovingly at them.

"What are you waiting for? Eat them while they're hot!" said Nick, unceremoniously shoving half a beignet into his mouth in one go, ending up with powdered sugar all over his stubbly chin and dusted over his dark grey shirt.

Jess snorted with laughter and offered him a napkin "Got a little something on your face, there Nicholas...here, take this!"

"No need..." He shook his head and answered, mouth still full "...it's all part of the experience!"

"Is that so?"

"Yup..." He chewed loudly "...get stuck in!"

Jess picked up one of the fried treats and bought it to her lips, taking a small mouthful and humming her delight at the sensation of a crisp exterior leading to the soft dough inside, followed by a hit of the sweet sugar it was covered in.

"Mmmm...!"

"Good, right?"

"Mmmm...!"

Jess could only makes satisfied noises as she took a bigger bite, and covered herself in the white sugar, too.

A waitress cautiously approached the table with a tray holding two glasses of water and two coffee cups, she gave a sidelong glance in Jess's direction as she placed them on the table then faced Nick with a quirked eyebrow at the noises Jess was expelling.

"Oh, don't worry about her..." He laughed and waved a hand "...she's not from around here - it's her first time!"

The waitress gave a knowing smile as Jess let out an embarrassed giggle and tried to cover her mouth as she spoke through mouthfuls, giving a thumbs up "Sorry...it's just...these...are so...amazing...super tasty!"

They ate the remaining squares in contented silence, both happily enjoying the delicious food whilst soaking up the buoyant atmosphere of the cafe in the sultry heat of the night air. Jess didn't even care that her black skirt was now splattered with sugar - Nick was right, it was totally part of the experience.

"Well, you weren't wrong, Nick." She declared, clapping her hands over the plate to rid them of the powdery residue.

"Don't sound so surprised, it happens sometimes!"

"Those really were the tastiest damn beignets I have ever encountered in my life..."

"Told you. But now you need to prepare to have your mind blown for a second time tonight!" Nick reached forward and placed one of the coffee cups in front of her, taking the other for himself. As Jess grabbed it eagerly and went to take a gulp, he lunged towards her and held both her wrists to stop Jess in her tracks "Wait, wait, wait!" he pleaded.

Her brow furrowed as a slosh of coffee escaped the mug and landed on the table.

"Nick! What are you doing?!"

"Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Trust me, please...just...close your eyes a second, Jess."

"Wh...what are you gonna do?"

"Good _lord_ , woman - do you trust me or not?!" Nick huffed in exasperation, rolling his eyes as he perched still half standing from his seat while he gripped her wrists.

"Well...yes." She replied quietly, having not moved an inch as he held her, feeling her pulse points beating hard against the warm skin of his thumbs while she avoided looking directly at him.

"Then close your damn eyes!" He demanded while keeping his voice low.

Jess instantly did as she was told, muttering under her breath "New Orleans has made you really weird about your coffee, man..."

"This isn't any ordinary coffee, Jessica - this is Cafe du Monde coffee. So, just keep your eyes closed because it will taste even more amazing, I promise you...right, now open your mouth_"

She giggled loudly like a schoolgirl and moved her head away, but sensing his frustration as he huffed, she righted herself quickly and set her face in a deadpan expression "Sorry, sorry...okay...I'm ready."

Nick let her hold the mug again, cupping her hands with his and very carefully guiding it to her lips before moving away and sitting back down, watching her with a massive smile on his face. Anyone looking over would think they were completely nuts, he knew that...but he didn't care. This was worth it.

Jess slowly took a large mouthful of the coffee, eyes remaining firmly closed as instructed, and Nick laughed to himself as her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Oh. My. God..."

"I know."

"Nick...this is sensational!"

"I _know!_ "

She clicked her tongue off the roof of her mouth several times, trying to place that beautiful flavour coming through in the aftertaste "What is that...? Chocolate...?"

"It's chicory." Nick replied, leaning his elbows on the table and linking his hands together, a broad smile on his face at her reaction. Jess opened her eyes and saw him looking straight at her. His grin made a warmth spread out through her body and she felt the flush rise in her cheeks. Hoping he would assume it was merely the ungodly humidity she was adjusting to, Jess allowed herself to hold his gaze, just for a moment. Her eyes met with his - dark brown and deep. Just like the coffee, there was a hidden depth to them not many could decipher. She had been able to, once upon a time. Now she was never quite sure what was going on in his mind, he had seemed a little more distant with her since being with Reagan, but she guessed that was only natural. Jess returned his smile but looked away, eyes falling once again on the grey-templed man and his blonde lover. Their fingers were laced together now, but under the table. Forbidden lust.

Jess suddenly felt a wave of guilt. Her moral compass was far too powerful, it always had been...but she knew that her feelings for Nick and how she wanted this to pan out was deeply unfair to Reagan.

_Nick's girlfriend._

Taking another big mouthful of coffee and holding on to the mug tightly, Jess took a deep breath.

"This place is really nice."

"It is, right? I knew you'd love it. It's a favourite of mine...sometimes if I'm having trouble with my writing, I just come here to grab a coffee then sit and watch the world go by...let my mind drift. Works wonders."

"I'll bet. So, does Reagan like it here, too?"

More coffee. Tighter grip.

"Uh, no actually...she's not big into sweet stuff like this. Says the smell makes her feel sick, so I'm usually here alone." He forced out a laugh.

"Oh, I thought maybe she showed you this place."

Shaking his head quietly, Nick continued "I just stumbled across it one evening when I was walking around a few days after I got here." reaching for his coffee cup, he drained what was left and sat back in his chair "It's nice to be able to share it with someone for a change..."

Jess nodded, sensing the slightest hint of bitterness in his words but choosing to skim over them.

"Well, thank you for introducing me. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship between me and beignets!"

There was a moment of quiet that followed where each sat just holding their empty mugs, the cafe thrumming and bustling around them. Constant movement totally at odds with the comforting stillness between them.

Jess stifled a yawn causing Nick to look at his watch "We should probably head back. It's nearing midnight..."

_'Times flies when you're having fun_ ' thought Jess, knowing better than to say it out loud as she stood and followed him out, dusting off her skirt in the process.

Fanning herself with her hands as they walked back up the street, Jess slowed down to pull her hair back away from her face, moaning "Is it always this _hot?!_ "

Nick turned from where he stood a few strides ahead and smiled sympathetically. He had been the same when he first arrived.

"Yeah, afraid so. You kinda get used to it..."

"Really?"

"No, not really..." He chuckled, swiping a hand across his forehead to remove the perspiration "...that's why we need to hurry back to the apartment - air con is your best friend, Jessica! Go, go, go!"

...

Stepping back through the front door, Nick headed straight for the air con unit and switched it on. The monotonous hum quickly filled the rooms, waves of cool air falling around them.

"Holy Humidity, Batman!" Jess laughed, setting her bag on the side table and exhaling with force.

"Yeah. It's something else down here, I've never known anything like it..."

"You could have warned me!"

"Now where would be the fun in that?" He flashed her a mischievous grin "I'm waiting for your hair to do that funky thing it does in the heat!"

"You said you'd take good care of me, Nick! I can't believe you fed me such a lie." She moaned, full of mock outrage.

"You're right, you're right. My apologies. Can I offer you a beverage to quench your thirst?"

"Water, please...cold, cold water."

As Nick walked towards the fridge in the kitchen, Jess heard her phone ring from within her purse. She paused, unsure who would be calling at this time of night. Reaching for the handset, she bit her lip and cringed when she saw the name on the screen. Turning her back to Nick and stepping further away, Jess answered the call and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Hi Cece..."

"Jessica Damn Day, what the hell are you up to?"

"...I, um..."

"New Orleans?! You've gone to _New Orleans?!_ "

"Yes..." Jess replied in a small voice, feeling like she was stood in the principal's office being thoroughly told off. She hadn't lied to Cece about what she was doing _per se_ , she had been honest with them all that she was taking some time out from the loft and getting away for some much needed rest. Jess had, however, neglected to tell them that said rest would be undertaken in New Orleans...

At Nick's apartment...

Minus the presence of his girlfriend...

She knew it was only a matter of time before Nick would mention her visit to Schmidt, but by then, she would be too far away for Cece to try and talk her out of it. Because she _would_ have tried to.

"Babe...why are you doing this to yourself? He's with Reagan."

"I know that, Cece. The evidence is all around me..."

"Isn't this what you've been trying to keep away from? Nick with Reagan?"

"Reagan isn't here, she's away with work." She admitted.

"Wait, so you're there with Nick... _alone?_ "

There was quiet on the line as Nick approached Jess with a glass of water. When he nodded at the phone to enquire who was on the other end, Jess mouthed 'Cece' and he gave a thumbs up which Jess returned a little too enthusiastically. Stepping back to leave them to their girl talk, Nick made a gesture towards the bathroom and mimed out the act of washing under his arms, shrugging when she stuck her tongue out in disgust as a response.

"Jess? Jess...?!"

"Yah, still here...and, uh...yes. Alone."

"So, what's your plan Jessica? How exactly do you see this working out?"

"I hadn't really thought that far ahead..." Jess sighed as she flopped down on the couch and kept her voice lowered "...he asked me to come visit and, I don't know Cece...I just missed him so much that despite knowing this was a very bad idea, my mouth said okay before my brain could stop it." She groaned and held the cold glass against her forehead, closing her eyes against the welcome sensation.

"I thought you were gonna talk to me about stuff like this? I could have talked you out of it!" Cece let out a sigh of acceptance as Jess remained silent, both knowing full well that was _exactly_ why Jess had chosen not to go to her first.

"Fine, listen - enjoy your trip, you need the break. Get some rest. But you know you don't have to stay there, right? If things get too much or you get upset...just come home. I'll come straight to meet you at the airport, whatever the time, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Cece...and I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner."

"It is what it is. I'm still here for you, babe. Oh, and please, _please_ promise me you will keep your guard up, Jess. This situation has the potential to get very messy, very quickly and I really don't want you to get hurt..."

"I know...I know..." Jess began, glancing up to see Nick returning to the room freshly showered. Rubbing a towel over his damp hair, he smiled as he walked past her into the kitchen. He was wearing sweatpants and a dark green t-shirt she instantly recognised. It made her heart ache.

The one he wore when he first kissed her and made time stand still.

The one he wore when they broke up and her world caved in around her.

"Promise me, Jess. Guard up." Cece's voice pulled her back from the memories playing over in her mind.

"I promise..." She replied, convincing neither one of them that it was true.

...

Taking her empty water glass to the sink a few minutes later, Jess leaned against the counter and watched as Nick tidied dishes away.

"Wow. You're very domesticated all of a sudden, Nicholas...I'm impressed!"

"Well the chores don't do themselves, as you always used to say..."

She bit back a smile at the fact he was referring to something she used to bleat on about all the time in the loft. Turns out they _did_ listen to her occasionally!

"You want some help?"

"Nope, pretty much all done." He looked up from the drawers to see her watching him "Did you need something?"

"Me? No...I'm good, now I have a full stomach! I think I'm going to go hit the hay, actually. I'm pretty tired, despite my incredibly impressive nap this afternoon!"

"Good idea, I'll walk with you."

Moving away from the spot she was standing in, Jess turned to him as he switched the kitchen light off.

"Hey Nick, thank you for tonight. It was nice..."

"You're welcome, Jess." He gave a single nod of his head "It was."

They padded out of the kitchen side by side and Jess caught sight of them in the large mirror hanging on the opposite wall. People said it all the time when they were a couple, but it really was true: they looked so good together. They complimented each other. The peach to his cobbler, the apple to his pie...the pot to his roast? Wait - no, that didn't work.

She was so busy admiring their reflection and thinking of food based analogies that Jess wasn't looking where she was going. As they left the room, she walked right into the door frame by the hall instead of going through it. There was a loud thud as her head bounced back off the wood.

"Ow!"

"Oh my god, Jess! Are you okay?"

She winced and rubbed the palm of her hand over the side of her head "Gah...dammit! I think so...sorry!"

"Why are you saying sorry to me?"

"I don't know...for denting the woodwork?" She laughed weakly, stopping immediately as he stepped forward and bent his knees slightly, bringing his face right in line with hers. Reaching an arm towards her face, he pushed back her hair to check there was no major damage. Swallowing hard to keep her composure, Jess could smell the shampoo on his still damp hair and it made her insides go all topsy turvy.

"What were you doing?" He asked, amused, his words falling on her cheek and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. She stuttered slightly, mind desperately seeking some kind of passable excuse that didn't give her away.

"I...was looking the wrong way...I thought I saw something...on the balcony...?"

It was more of a question than a statement but - to his credit - Nick didn't bat an eyelid. Jess was biting down hard on the inside of her cheek now. She had to, because she could see down the collar of his t-shirt as he bent forward to rub her head, her eyes landing on the tuft of chest hair peeking through at the top and the tantalising glimpse of skin underneath it...that spot just below his throat that she used to love kissing so much.

_Oh lord above._

"Well, I'm no Doctor...but I think you'll live!" He grinned and stood back up, frowning slightly as Jess hurried forward into her room with some muttered thanks and a quick wave goodnight.

Just as she was about to close the door behind her and breathe a sigh of relief at having some space to _calm herself the fuck down_ , Nick appeared and stuck his foot in the gap "Jess, wait! You forgot something."

"I did?" She opened it back up to see him stood before her, grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

'Yeah, you forgot my hug!"

"I...uh...wait, what?" Jess was genuinely wondering if she had misheard him, confusion plastered on her face, causing him to do that low chuckle from deep within his throat that made her stomach flip.

"My hug! I was so distracted with showing you around when you turned up earlier...and then you slept through the rest of the day - so I never got to say hi properly."

"Oh, right. Um, hi...?" She hesitated, her grip on the door handle tightening as he took a step forward, arms outstretched and hands beckoning her.

"Come on, get in here, girl..." Nick had wrapped both arms around her in a tight embrace before she had a chance to react. He was warm and solid against her frame and Jess found herself instinctively nestling her head in the spot where his shoulder met his neck. She closed her eyes against the smell of him and had to hold her breath for fear of never wanting to stop taking in his scent. It was intoxicating, like a drug that Jess knew from experience was extremely addictive - one hit and the high would be surging through her veins, making her reckless with her actions. She had to stay sober. Be in control. Swallowing hard, she allowed herself to give him the slightest of squeezes back before clearing her throat loudly and stepping away, adjusting the glasses on her face.

"I'm glad you're here, Jess."

She had no doubt he meant it. But right now, Jess couldn't be certain she felt the same. All today had done was make her realise how difficult being near him was while she didn't have a handle on these rioting emotions of hers. She wouldn't tell Cece, but she really was questioning her decision to come, if she was truthful - still, here she stood.

Jess nodded "It's good to see you again, Miller."

That much she was sure of...

...

...


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR:

 

Rolling on to his back, Nick yawned loudly and rubbed his knuckles across his eyelids in a bid to wake himself up. He stared at the ceiling, blinking a few times as his eyes came in to focus and tried to follow the dappled shadows fluttering across the white expanse above his head. Turning to his right, he glanced at Reagan's untouched pillow and ran a hand across her side of the bed, sheets still flat and uncreased. Like she had never resided there at all. Nick took a deep breath and groaned, exhaling heavily as he stretched himself out to fill the un-slept in half of the mattress with his own body. Glancing across at the clock on the night stand, he noticed it was already 9:30am. He'd overslept, again. Reagan was up at 6am like clockwork every day, so he would usually follow suit not much after. It hadn't taken long for that habit to slide once she was away and he had slipped back into long lie ins and lazy days in his underwear - just because he could. Shuffling to the edge of the bed, Nick swung his legs over the side and stood up, stretching above his head with a grunt before ruffling a hand through his hair. Remembering he now had company, Nick reached for the t-shirt and sweatpants he had dumped on the floor the night before and threw them on. Even given the fact he had known Jess for a long time and had intimate history with her, he figured sauntering out to the kitchen in just his boxers was likely a step over the line.

Walking into the living area, Nick found Jess in the same spot she had been in for the past three mornings: curled up on the couch in her pyjamas watching trash T.V and scooping spoonfuls of strawberry swirl ice cream in to her mouth. Without lifting her eyes from the television, Jess raised a hand in his direction as acknowledgement of Nick's presence. Grabbing a mug and pouring himself some coffee, he stood for a moment, leaning back against the counter and watched Jess from a distance. She was staring at the T.V but they both knew she wasn't really watching it. He sighed to himself. This was not the Jess he had left behind in L.A. This wasn't even the Jess he had spoken to on the phone regularly while he had been away - the one who laughed at his stupid jokes and corrected his misspoken phrases with joviality in her voice. Something wasn't right. This Jess was desperately down in the dumps. She had been putting on a brave face the other night at the cafe, it would seem. She had smiled, but it never quite reached the corners of her eyes the way it used to. It had not escaped Nick that the sparkle which usually lived in those big, blue eyes of hers had dulled considerably since he last saw her. She had blamed her exhaustion mainly on work stress - but that didn't quite make sense to him either, because Jessica Day _loved_ her job. With a passion he envied on a regular basis. Sure, the workload was heavy, but she revelled in it - and Jess was so organised she was usually well ahead of schedule where work was concerned.

So it must have been her break up with Sam bothering her. Something else Nick couldn't quite get his head around. What made Sam so special, anyway? Okay, _sure_ , he was a doctor and _sure_ he saved the lives of young children on a daily basis, blah blah blah...yes, he was way over six feet tall, looked after himself well and his hair was always so damn _perfect_ \- but...other than that, what was the attraction?! They hadn't even been together that long in comparison to himself and Jess. He didn't see her stuffing her face with ice cream every day after **they** broke up. But then again, maybe that was because he was too busy drowning his own sorrows in a bottle of whiskey...

Nick took a deep breath and gave his head a little shake.

_This should be weird, right?_

Schmidt said this was weird - Jess staying with him.

_'Time alone in another state with your ex? The one who was recently dumped? Are you insane? Don't open that Pandora's box, Nicholas! The worms will spew out like pus from a boil and then there's no way back.'_

Nick pondered this thought for a moment while taking a long gulp of coffee.

Roommates, friends, lovers...ex lovers, back to friends and roommates.

Okay, maybe it **was** a little weird.

But, it didn't _feel_ weird.

It felt...nice.

It felt...normal.

They'd lived together for so long that it actually felt stranger now when they _weren't_ sharing the same apartment.

And what did Schmidt know, anyway? He wears driving moccasins and uses hair chutney - his opinion on what should be considered 'weird' could clearly not be trusted.

Nick ambled over to the couch and took a seat on the cushion farthest from Jess. Continuing to drink his coffee in silence, he would glance over at her every now and then.

"Stop it!" She barked after catching him looking across for the fifth time.

"Stop what?!"

"I'm acclimatising, okay? Getting used to my new surroundings!"

"I didn't say a word..."

"You didn't need to - you're looking at me funny." She said, mouth full of half melted ice cream.

"I'm not looking at you like anything!" Nick protested, hands raised high "No judgement here - I said do whatever you needed to feel better, remember?"

There was a pause as she slowly lowered her spoon and regarded him suspiciously.

"So, you're just going to let me sit around in my pyjamas eating ice cream on your couch every morning...?"

" _Let_ you?" He scoffed "When have I ever _let_ you do anything, Jess? You're a full grown woman - if you want to do something, you're gonna do it. Nothing I or anyone else can do about it. I learned that one very quickly a long time ago!"

Nick leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. Pursing his lips, he paused for a second, seeming to consider his next sentence.

"So, if that means you want to sit and feel sorry for yourself while watching Judge Judy and eating ice cream, then you go for it..." Ducking his head to catch her eye, Nick continued " _But_...if you _don't_ want to be moping around feeling sorry for yourself anymore and are ready for a proper breakfast, then just say the word. I'll swoop right in and take that bowl from your clutches. Replace it with a plateful of food fit for a King...or Queen, you know, in the interest of equality. Your call, Jessica."

Chewing on her lip for a while, Jess gave his offer a considerable amount of thought before slowly nodding her head at him. Nick leaned forward, reaching for the bowl on her lap with both hands, and she reluctantly let it be taken from her.

"Great!" Nick said enthusiastically.

"How so?"

"Strawberry Swirl is my favourite!" He grinned as he spooned the last few mouthfuls greedily in to his mouth, smacking his lips as he walked away to the kitchen - ducking to avoid the cushion Jess had flung at his head with incredible speed.

"You're a jerk!"

"Hey, is that any way to speak to someone who is about to cook you breakfast? Tut tut, Jessica...where are your manners?!"

...

Although she had admired the balcony of the apartment since she first arrived, Jess had barely left the confines of the living area or her bedroom for the first few days of her stay, and therefore still had to enjoy it's little slice of sunny tranquillity. Nick had been correct when he said she was moping - he was _way off_ with the reason why - but it was still true. She'd come away to see Nick, sure, but she genuinely was hoping the rest in a different place would lift her spirits and help her get her head together, to chill out a bit. So that's what she decided she would do.

"Hey, Nick? Do you think...maybe we could eat out there?" Jess asked, pointing to the table and two chairs sitting forlornly outside. He lifted his gaze from the pans on the stove and followed the direction of her arm.

"The balcony?" His bottom lip pursed slightly and he tilted his head a little "Sure, why not? You get comfortable and I'll bring the food out once I'm done."

She wasted no time in flinging the patio doors open, feeling the warm air surround her as she stepped outside. Jess didn't care she was still in her pyjamas, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, filling her lungs to the brim. She could almost feel the sunshine shooting energy through her bloodstream. Taking a moment to stand at the railings looking out over the courtyard below, Jess looked down to the window boxes and the little array of coloured plants she had noticed that first day. Running a finger lightly over the wilting petals of a flower so yellow it rivalled the sun, Jess spoke to it softly "Well aren't you a darling little thing. Don't you worry, Mrs Flower, I'll be sure to give you all plenty of TLC while I'm here - looks like you could use it. We both have some recovering to do it would seem..."

"Be sure to let me know if they start to talk back to you!" Nick's voice startled her and Jess squeaked in surprise as she span around to see him walk towards the table with a tray carrying their breakfasts and two large glasses of fresh orange juice.

"Don't sneak up on people like that, Nick! You could have given me a heart attack!"

"Who else were you expecting? Santa?!"

"No, I just meant...you made me jump, is all..."

"Well for that, I apologise, but...I come bearing gifts!" Nick sang the last part as he put down a plate for her laden with bacon, eggs, sausages and grilled tomatoes "Voila!" He declared triumphantly, with a grin that spanned ear to ear. Jess couldn't lie, it smelt amazing and instantly made her salivary glands kick into action. She sat quickly and he joined her, silently raising his glass in her direction. Jess gave a small smile and clinked her glass with his, before they both tucked in to their al fresco breakfast without sharing another word until they were nearly finished.

"So this is your breakfast of choice in New Orleans?"

"No, surprisingly - it's the first time I've had a cooked breakfast since I came out here."

"No way, not true!" She scoffed at him "I don't believe that for a second - you're Nicholas Miller, I'm pretty sure your insides half consist of cooked pig parts..."

"I kid you not, Jess!"

"You really expect me to believe that? I know I'm not functioning at 100% right now, but you can't fool me that easily. I know you, Nick - the only thing that could wake you from a coma would be the smell of bacon frying in a pan."

Nick paused mid way through his last mouthful and laughed. He placed his cutlery neatly down on his plate, having cleared it of food in record time "Whilst that _may_ actually be true, I'm genuinely telling you the truth! I don't know if you noticed, but I'm trying to take care of myself here. I'm eating better - most of the time - and even going to the gym." He pointed an arm in her direction and pulled in his bottom lip, biting down in a grimace as he flexed it hard back towards himself.

"Oh, I noticed..." Jess replied with no hesitation, brain and mouth going at different speeds, failing to consult one another before the words tumbled out. Her eyes remained firmly fixed on the plate in front of her as she placed another forkful of scrambled egg hastily in her mouth. Jess chewed and swallowed, taking a long sip of juice before finally lifting her gaze to find Nick already looking at her, a small smile on his face but a bigger one displayed in his eyes.

"What?" She asked, using all of her acting skills to appear nonchalant.

He gave the slightest shake of his head and cleared his throat "Nothing...so, how's your breakfast?"

"It's good. Really good, thank you."

"Beats ice cream on the sofa, right?"

"Well, I mean - I'm certainly still partial to a bowl of strawberry swirl first thing in the morning..." Jess teased "...but, yes, Nick - i'd say this is definitely an upgrade!"

...

After that morning, Jess had taken to getting up early and having her breakfast out on the balcony in the sunshine every day. Sometimes Nick would join her, but for the most part it was just her, alone, enjoying the silence. It was peaceful, and therapeutic. Quite often it became her favourite part of the day - she'd water the flowers and talk to them, because she genuinely seemed to think they liked it. They'd certainly perked up after a week of attention. Jess had felt something lift inside her, too - a welcome sensation given her emotionally delicate state recently. She had actually fallen asleep without needing her pills for the past couple of nights too, so definite progress in that department. Her heart still stalled in her chest when she heard him on the phone to Reagan, or when she would be going about her day and be hit with a sudden reminder of his unavailability to her - like reaching in to the linen closet for a towel to go and shower, only to pull out a sweater belonging to Reagan by mistake. But Jess was finding it easier to carry on regardless.

Baby steps.

Nick had switched the alarm on his phone off the second it started. He'd already been awake for a while but was too comfortable to get up, so he lay there on his stomach, hugging the pillow contentedly. A slow smile spread across his face as he heard the faint sounds of Jess singing to herself in the kitchen up the hall. She'd seemed bouncier the last few days, and that pleased him. A sad Jess was hard to watch and although Nick felt he was usually pretty good after all these years at reading her mood and helping her to feel better when she was down, this time seemed different because none of his normal tricks had helped for long. After grabbing a shower, he headed in to the kitchen and saw Jess in her new favourite spot - at the table out on the balcony, eating poached eggs for breakfast. He popped his head around the patio doors to greet her "Hey Jess, you want anything?"

"Top o'the morning to you, Nicholas! I'm good here, thanks. You joining me today?"

"Nah, I got a lot of work to do. Really should try and knuckle down with this latest chapter...I'll catch ya later!"

"Okay - good luck."

He ducked back inside the apartment as Jess gave a cheerful wave, and headed over to grab a large cup of coffee. If he was going to complete this chapter of The Pepperwood Chronicles, it was going to take a ton of caffeine. His writers block was really plaguing him recently, which was enormously frustrating given the excellent start he had made when he first arrived in New Orleans. The change of location seemed to flick a switch where his creativity was concerned - words had just flown from his mind and straight onto the pages in a seamless transition, until Reagan had gifted him a new laptop ( _"To replace all this paper - it's cluttering up the apartment, Nick. I thought you'd like this better. Thank me later!"_ ) and ever since then, whenever he stared at the screen he just had...nothing.

Perching on a stool at his writer's bar, Nick switched the computer on and sighed at the familiar whirring as it started up. He gulped down some coffee, waiting for the energy surge to reach him and gave his cheeks a little slap to try and motivate himself. Thirty minutes later, the screen was still empty and Nick had found himself playing Solitaire for the fifteenth time. Needing a break from the laptop, he let his gaze wander out to the balcony where Jess was sat reading a book. Her hair was up in a bun and she was wearing a big, retro pair of sunglasses perched on her nose. He smiled to himself. It was so nice having someone around. It wasn't even like they spent all their time together - he was making a conscious effort to honour his promise from the phone call to let Jess rest and not bother her while she was here - but just knowing there was someone else present all the time was really nice. He'd been getting pretty lonely in the apartment on his own what with Reagan being away so much.

It was minimal at first: the occasional overnight work trip here and there. But that quickly turned in to weekend conferences that couldn't be missed, which then became whole weeks where she was travelling away with her job. She was away from the apartment more often than she was home these days, and this latest placement had bothered him more than he let on.

_"What if you just say no this time?"_

_"Nick, this is my job - it's important to me. I have to go where I'm needed."_

_"What if I need you here?"_

_"You know what I mean. You won't even notice I'm gone!"_

Reagan had rolled her eyes as she finished packing her bag, kissing him quickly on the lips as she left for the airport and promised to call every day.

New Orleans definitely hadn't been quite the experience he was expecting. He loved the place, the people, and of course the food...but he felt more and more like he was here alone. Nick kept trying to convince himself of something his mother used to say when Walt had pulled one of his disappearing acts: _'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.'_

He would repeat it in his head over and over while waiting for Reagan to call, trying to ignore the thought from the insecure part of his brain that was desperately trying to creep it's way in... _'More like out of sight, out of mind...'_

_..._

_..._


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE:

 

"NIIIICCKK!"

Her panicked cry woke him from a deep slumber immediately and he sat bolt upright in bed, still dazed and confused, wondering momentarily if he had dreamt the sound of her calling out his name. Was he...dreaming about Jess?

"NICK! HELP!"

Nope, not a dream.

Throwing a shirt over his head, he stumbled down the hall to where Jess was standing, frantically pressing buttons on the air conditioning control unit and muttering swear words under her breath.

"What's with all the screaming, Day?! What did you do?" Nick's voice was still croaky from sleep as he stood barefoot next to Jess and squinted at her bleary eyed with a layer of perspiration settled on his brow line. It was only 6:30am but it was already an incredibly sticky, humid day. The ominous looking clouds looming outside of the balcony doors were threatening an epic storm.

"I couldn't sleep because I was so hot, I just wanted to turn the A/C up a little and...well, I did something!"

"What do you mean you 'did something'?"

"I pressed that blue button down and it beeped - _a lot_  - and...I think I broke it, because now it won't stop blasting out freezing cold air..." Jess wrapped her arms around herself to illustrate precisely how chilly it was turning. Sensing the goosebumps rising on his arms from the frigid air he could now feel blowing down his neck, a frustrated grunt came from Nick's mouth.

"Why didn't you just come and get me if you couldn't figure the controls out?"

"I didn't want to wake you as it was early so I tried to do it myself, but I couldn't get it to switch back off."

"This thing is really delicate, Jess. You gotta be careful. Hell, I'm not even usually allowed to touch the damn thing!" He laughed, but it sounded hollow as it left his mouth "Okay...okay...let's see what we can do..."

Nick rubbed his hands together and straightened his posture up in challenge to the A/C controls. Narrowing his eyes, he leaned his face closer to the unit and stared at it intently. He lifted his right hand and pressed a small, round button.

"I already tried that..."

Nick hummed and rubbed a hand down the back of his neck as Jess butted in from where she stood watching him, hopping from foot to foot to try and warm herself up. Pressing his lips hard together and flexing his fingers, he moved to push the switch at the top instead, but once again heard her little voice in his ear.

"Tried that too..."

Nick grunted and span to face her, speaking through gritted teeth "Will you please just be quiet and let me try!"

Holding up her hands, Jess took a step back, using her fingers to mime the act of locking her lips and throwing away the key.

After trying several other options, Nick finally pressed and held the blue button on the controls that Jess had mentioned earlier. Three small beeps in quick succession were followed by a clunk overhead. Nick's hopeful gaze met Jess's and they held their breath in anticipation, only to sigh loudly and slump their shoulders in unison when the cold air began shooting out of the vents even harder this time.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here Jess, and confirm that you have indeed broken the air conditioning..."

"You can't fix it?"

"No, I cannot." He replied tersely, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry, Nick. What are we going to do? It's freezing!" Her teeth were starting to chatter in her jaw and Jess was acutely aware that her arms must remained crossed over her chest because the tiny pair of pyjamas she was wearing right now were doing close to nothing in disguising the fact that she was  _very_  cold indeed.

" _You_  are going to do nothing - except maybe go and put a sweater on or something..." He waved an arm in the vague direction of their bedrooms "I, on the other hand, now have to call my girlfriend to tell her I've broken the A/C and ask her to get it fixed." Nick huffed and shook his head a little. He could already hear the consternation in Reagan's voice berating him  _(Why did you even touch the controls, Nick? The temperature was set just right!')._

"I don't...why would...um...I'm sorry, but tell me again why you need to call Reagan about this?"

" _Because_ , Jessica, she is the named contact on our rental agreement and the maintenance company won't speak to anybody else."

Mother Nature, being the wonderful creature she was, decided that second was the perfect moment to release a shuddering thunder clap and have the heavens open like never before, a deluge of rain practically pouring from the dark clouds in the sky as a satisfying crack rang out from the bolt of lightning that followed. The moment was not lost on Jess, of course, and as she walked towards her bedroom, she bit back the smile that threatened to emerge on her face at the impeccable timing.

...

Jess had packed for New Orleans with the knowledge it was going to be warm, so it was no surprise to her that going through her clothes did not unearth a nice, cosy sweater to put on in the very unwelcome chill filling the apartment. Finding a thin cardigan, Jess eagerly put it on anyway in the hope the fabric on her arms would provide some brief respite from the ice cold air. Cursing herself for not bringing at least one warm item of clothing (a lesson her mother had always tried to instil in her  _'better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it!'_ ), she walked back down the hall, bumping into Nick who emerged from his room at the same time. He was wearing the red hoodie that she used to borrow all the time when they were together, and Jess had to stop an involuntary whimper from escaping her mouth and deceiving her.

"Why the grumpy face, Nicholas? Oh wait - excuse me - why the ' _grumpier_ ' face?" Jess laughed, in a desperate attempt to deflect from the sinking feeling in her tummy.

"Ha-ha!" He rolled his eyes "Reagan just called me back - the maintenance company are gonna come out to fix the A/C..."

"Oh, that's great!"

"...but not until tomorrow."

"Oh, that's  _not_  so great."

"So probably best if we just stay out of the apartment today. Doesn't have to be together or anything, we can just do our own thing if you've got places you wanna go." Nick turtled his face as Jess stood frowning at him, arms folding and head nodding towards the balcony.

"Go out...today? Have you  **looked**  outside, Miller?!"

"So, take an umbrella..."

Jess threw her eyes heavenwards and shuffled off towards the living area, arms wrapped tightly around herself as she tutted loudly.

"What did I say?!" He followed after her "A little rain won't hurt!"

"A  _little_  rain? It's like freaking monsoon season out there!"

"Fine, so don't go out! We'll just have to stay in and freeze our asses off. That's worse, if you ask me, but whatever. It's no big deal..."

"Clearly not for you..." Jess flailed an arm at his clothing and huffed as she perched on a stool at the breakfast bar.

"If you want, I can grab you one of Reagan's sweaters? I'm sure I saw some in the closet earlier..." Nick stopped mid-sentence, seeing the instantaneous grimace on Jess's face that gave her away before she could catch herself "...or, maybe not?"

"I don't know, Nick." She answered warily "That just feels a little strange to me - wearing your girlfriends clothes...I just...you know? No. It doesn't seem right... _right_?"

"It's only a sweater, Jess." He frowned.

"You know what, it's fine. I'll be okay..."

"Suit yourself." Nick shrugged and stepped away from where she was sat, heading to the kitchen to make himself something hot to eat. As he cooked, he found himself glancing over to her periodically. She was still sat on the stool, staring glumly towards the thunderstorm raging outside. It was obvious to see she was freezing. Jess was shivering while perched at the counter, but was clearly trying to disguise it. It seemed to make her look even more fragile than she already was, and something long thought buried was stirred inside him. Sighing to himself, Nick left his breakfast cooking and stepped back out of the kitchen. He undid the zip of his hoodie, quickly walking up behind her and draping his top around her shoulders without giving Jess a chance to protest.

"Nick, what are you...?" She span to face him.

"You're cold, Jess. I can tell."

"Nick, I'll be fine..." Jess tried to argue, but the act of Nick placing both hands on her shoulders and looking straight into her eyes was enough to silence her.

"You won't take Reagan's, but I figure you can't have too many objections to wearing mine. You used to do it all the time at the loft...so, just take it and be quiet!" He insisted, and this time she didn't protest. Instead, Jess remained mute as he reached down towards her waist to tug the zip upwards, pausing briefly when he reached her chin because he was sure she was holding her breath. Nick held her gaze and saw her swallow hard as she nodded weakly in thanks. Clearing his throat, Nick immediately stepped backwards to increase the space between them, turning silently on his heel to return to his breakfast as Jess span back to look outside, waiting until he could no longer see her face before she closed her eyes at the painfully familiar scent of him that now surrounded her.

...

Handing him a hot cocoa, Jess sat beside Nick on the couch and tucked her knees up under herself. They'd decided to have a movie day given the weather outside, and Nick had managed to find some DVDs hidden away in a box containing some classic eighties gems.

She grinned as he took a mouthful of drink and spluttered, putting a hand to his lips and looking at her questioningly "What the...? Jess, did you put  _alcohol_  in this?!"

"Maybe...a little whiskey. You know, just for heating purposes."

"You unexpected genius!" He laughed back and shook his head before taking another large gulp.

"So you found yourself another sweater, huh?" Jess nodded at the light grey woollen top Nick was wearing. It wasn't one she recognised, but she certainly thought he should wear it more often given the way it looked on him. Her eyes followed the lines as it hugged down his sides and then returned to the collar where he'd left the top button undone. She settled her gaze on that spot at the bottom of his throat and almost had to sit on her hands to keep from reaching over to touch him, so overwhelming was the urge to do so.

"Yeah, it was in my closet. Although I'm not entirely sure I didn't just 'borrow' this from Schmidt a long time ago but forgot to hand it back..."

"He wouldn't want it now anyway - I bet he'd say you stretched it out!"

"Yeah, probably..." Nick looked down at himself in the sweater and tugged at the hem self-consciously. Jess realised his little insecurities still hadn't left him, and felt the tug pulling in her chest, desperate to give him a hug. She'd loved his body when they were together, and would tell him (or rather show him) extremely often, but it seemed like he was feeling pressure to 'get in shape' or be a 'better' version of himself now he was with Reagan. She was in to her fitness, so it made sense that might rub off on Nick a little, but Jess really couldn't tell if he was doing all the gym stuff for the right reasons. She wouldn't lie, he looked amazing for it - but Jess wondered if he was doing it because he  _wanted_  to, or because he felt he  _had_  to...and that made her a little sad for him.

"Wait, that came out wrong - I didn't mean you  _would_ have stretched it..."

"It's cool, Jess."

"No, Nick - really, you look great in it!"

He smiled at her, almost shyly, and it was enough to get those butterflies fluttering in her stomach once again. Breaking eye contact and reaching for the remote, Jess spoke whilst looking straight ahead at the T.V "Did you want to pick the first movie? It is your home after all..."

"No, no - you knock yourself out. Actually, don't move. I know what you're going to pick anyway." Nick chuckled and leaned forward across the coach on to his stomach, reaching into the box and inserting a DVD into the player. As the familiar music from Dirty Dancing started up, Jess couldn't help but laugh. He knew her so well. Nick kindly sat quietly throughout the whole film, not once rolling his eyes when she spoke the dialogue along with the actors or sang at the top of her voice to Hungry Eyes. As the end credits rolled, he sat back up and faced her, smiling widely when he saw the uncontrollable grin she was wearing "If I'd known putting this movie on was all it would take to get you smiling like that again, I'd have done it ages ago!"

"I can't help it. Baby and Johnny were made for each other...this movie is perfect! It makes me want to watch all over again!"

"Okay, well let's not get carried away here - I draw the line at one viewing per visit, Day!

"Fine, your choice next."

"Sure, but first I'm gonna get me another one of these babies..." Nick waved his empty mug at her "...feels like it's getting even colder in here, if that was possible. You want in?"

"Hell yeah I do!" Jess offered her mug to him as he walked past, then hopped up to her feet, eyes shining with excitement "Actually, while you do that - I have an idea!"

She returned to the room a few minutes later, arms laden with her duvet and all the spare blankets she could find in her closet and the linen cupboard. It was piled so high Nick could only just see the top of her glasses peeking over them. Jess dumped them on the floor and started moving cushions from the couch down on to the ground, arranging them in to makeshift seats among a sea of cosy, warm woollen knits where she settled herself down beneath them.

"What  _are_  you up to?" Nick quirked a brow at her, placing two fresh mugs of whiskey laced cocoa down on the table.

"When Abby and I were kids, this is what we'd do in the cold - build a blanket fort and use cushions from the couch. No reason for us to freeze our butts off now!"

"Riiiight. Okay...you're suggesting I sit on the floor, instead of the perfectly good couch I already have? Sure, makes sense." He put his hands on his hips and turtled his bottom lip, his brows furrowing to meet in the middle.

"Just get down here, would you..." Jess grabbed him by the leg and tugged gently to the spot beside her. Nick sighed heavily, then seemed to realise there was little point in resisting and did as he was told.

"Your choice next, remember?"

"I remember!" He stated, clicking the remote and playing Ferris Bueller's Day Off while smirking when he felt Jess roll her eyes at him for being so obvious. He light-heartedly teased her yet again for siding with the faculty, and afterwards they settled on The Goonies for their third movie of choice. At some point during the day, Jess realised she had slowly shifted herself closer towards him. It hadn't been intentional, but her body seemed to want to gravitate towards his whenever they were sat so close to each other. Her shoulder was gently leaning on his upper arm, the warmth of his body radiating outwards, but neither of them had mentioned it. In fact, Nick seemed totally relaxed in his current position under several blankets, back resting against the couch and legs crossed at the ankle in front of him. She may have been mistaken, but Jess was sure his weight was shifted towards her too. Only slightly, but there was a definite tilt to his posture. She played absent-mindedly with the chords of his hoodie and placed one of the ends in her mouth without thinking. Eyes widening in realisation, she removed it immediately and kicked herself. Old habits die hard. The collar smelt of his aftershave and Jess found herself wishing with everything she had that the air conditioning unit was deemed irreparable, purely so that she could continue wearing Nick's top for the duration of her stay. Unlikely, but still...

Towards the end of the movie, Jess noticed Nick glancing over his shoulder at regular intervals towards the laptop on the breakfast bar. His demeanour changed very slightly, and he started to get fidgety - glancing at his watch whilst rubbing a hand across the back of his neck or stroking his chin. When he started to jiggle his left leg, that's when Jess knew he was getting anxious. It was an unmistakable tell of his.

"Nick, are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah...yeah, I..." He sighed heavily "...I've been putting off trying to write the last couple chapters of The Pepperwood Chronicles and it's just playing on my mind. I gave myself a schedule and I've been pretty good at following it until recently. But now...every time I sit down to write, my mind just goes blank."

"Ahh, the old writer's block..."

Nick folded his arms across his chest and let his head fall back against the cushions "I'm so close to finishing it, and it's driving me crazy. I've never completed anything like this in my life - and I really want it...but I can't fail at the last hurdle again, Jess. I can't."

Her heart ached for him. She knew how much writing this book had meant to Nick, he'd poured so much time and effort in to it. More than she had ever seen him apply himself before. It was a new side of him that she adored watching develop. Jess placed a hand softly on his shoulder and squeezed "You're  _not_  going to fail, Nick."

"It's just so frustrating - I have everything that I want to say in my head. I can see it playing out in my mind, hell, I can even hear the characters say the words as I think them but, once I sit in front of that screen the words just won't come. I go blank. This just isn't fun anymore - I don't know what to do, Jessica...maybe I'm just not cut out to be a writer."

"Hey, don't say that. You got this, Nick. You've just gotta have faith in yourself. Look how far you've already come with it - that's a great achievement! If it helps even the slightest - I believe in you."

"You do?" The surprise in his voice nearly made her want to cry. Why would that be news to him? Surely Reagan should be saying this for encouragement when he was struggling? Did she even notice he was finding this difficult? Jess suspected perhaps not.

"Of course I do - I can't wait to read your book! You can't rush these things, Nicholas. Sometimes all it takes is a change of location. You said before about going to the cafe and letting your mind wander?"

"Yeah, but that was when I was writing by hand..."

"So, go back to writing by hand! It clearly worked for you. Do what makes Nick Miller comfortable then just write down anything and everything that comes in to your mind. I guarantee you that the flow will come back."

Taking a deep breath, Nick looked up at her, his brown eyes dark but soft around the edges. He laid a hand over hers - still resting on his shoulder - and squeezed back.

"Thank you, Jessica."

"You're welcome...now can we please watch the rest of this movie - they're about to find the treasure and that's my favourite part!"

Sliding his hand back to his lap, Nick laughed gently and returned his attention to the T.V. Once the credits had finished rolling, he stood up and stretched his back with a loud crack. After making them both a third cup of boozy hot chocolate, Nick paused by the patio doors in front of the balcony and looked outside. Jess padded up beside him and watched the clouds rolling quickly overhead as the sky began to darken. The storm had dissipated and moved on, leaving an eerie calmness in its wake.

"Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna go get drunk?" He asked, half joking.

"You know what? I do, as it happens..." She replied, not joking in the slightest.

...

The rhythmic banging grew louder and Jess winced as she tried to open her eyes, the harsh daylight stinging every time she managed to prise them the slightest bit apart. She couldn't be sure if the banging was inside her head, but used her fingers to gently rub at her temples anyway - just in case. She was wearing Nick's hoodie again, but had no recollection of putting it back on. It was done up right under her chin, the same way he had zipped it up yesterday...wait...did  _Nick_  put this on her when they got back in the early hours of this morning? There was something uncomfortable under her skull that felt as though it didn't belong there. Reaching backwards to pat the offending item, her hand landed on what appeared to be a leg.

_Nick's leg._

Scrambling to sit up, Jess looked down - horrified to see that she must have fallen asleep with her head rested on his lap. Nick was still out for the count, sprawled out on the duvets and blankets that were still there after their movie day. His back was up against the bottom of the couch, head leaning behind him on the cushions as his mouth lay half open.

The thumping started again, louder this time - and Jess realised it was coming from the front door.

"Hello? You called Maintenance...hello?!"

Eyes widening, she slapped Nick hard on the arm and gave a less than gentle shove to his shoulder in an attempt to rouse him from his still inebriated slumber.

"Nick!" She hissed "Nick, get up... _get up!_ The maintenance guy is here!"

"I...huh? Jess, what the?" He groaned "Why am I sitting on the floor? Did we sleep here?!"

"In answer to the first question: I have no idea...and, yes to the second, I think. I mean I'm not sure, the details are still blurry...but we don't have time to discuss this, you have to get up - now." Spinning on her knees, Jess yelled in the direction of the (now furious) banging on the door "One moment please! We'll be right there..." she gave Nick another sharp prod which prompted him to grunt in annoyance as he clambered to pull himself upright.

"Okay, I'm good. Maintenance guy. Right - I got this...actually, Jess? Can you get me some coffee? Like, immediately? There's a caffeine monkey on my back screaming very loudly and it's hurting my head."

"Are you sure you're not still drunk?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations!" Nick declared as he made his way to the apartment door.

...

Jess had hidden in the kitchen while the maintenance guy had worked to fix the air conditioning, stopping occasionally as he did to chat football with Nick and belly laugh in a way that reminded her of Santa. As he was finishing up, Jess carried over the coffee Nick had pleaded her for and rested the tray on the coffee table before taking the largest mug for herself and lowering down onto the couch where she had an overwhelming wish to curl into a ball and cry. She felt horrendous. There was no one to blame for that apart from herself...and Nick, probably. Her success rate at recalling anything that happened after the first bar they went to was scarily low, but she couldn't shake this feeling that something had occurred which she should be bothered by.

"Well, that's pretty much me done - this baby shouldn't cause you any trouble now."

"You're a lifesaver. Thanks, uh...oh, I'm sorry I didn't quite catch your name before?"

"Name's Murdoch, but you can call me Doc - everyone else does!"

He extended a hand in Nick's direction, which he took and shook vigorously.

"Well, okay then...thanks, Doc!"

Their voices faded into the background as Jess's mind ran at a million miles an hour. Like the word had set off some kind of internal search engine in her brain, trawling through the fog of last nights event's looking for a clear memory to bring into focus. A word association game that triggered flashes of clarity to swim to the surface.

Doc.

Doctor.

Doctor Sam.

She suddenly heard Nick's voice in her head. They were drunk and sitting across from one another in the booth they had frequented in some tiny, sticky floored bar on the corner of God-knows-where at some unearthly hour of the morning.

_"Hey Jess, this whole break up thing with Doctor Sam...I didn't realise it had such a big impact on you. I'm sorry I wasn't around more afterwards when you were having a hard time. Do you...maybe...wanna talk about it now? Mull it over...dissect it? That's what you girls usually do, right? So hit me up. Lay the details on me. I'm all yours!"_

It was still fuzzy round the edges, but Jess had a distinct feeling she had practically laughed in his face at that point. She cringed at the mere suggestion.

_"I'm done talking about Sam. Done, done, done. That ship has sailed, he's moved on. Good for him. Good for Diane - good for the universe."_

_"But talking is meant to help with stuff like this, isn't it? I mean, I don't know...but all this stress you're holding on to...it's not healthy. You're sad - I can tell that much. You're trying to hide it, and doing a pretty decent job to be fair...but I'm not stupid. I don't like seeing you this way, Jess. I wanna help."_

_"I'm fine. I'm fiiiiine! Sam Schmam. I'm over that dude. Pfft! I don't even care!"_

_"You sure are drinking a lot for someone who doesn't care..."_

_"Says you: Nick Miller, borderline alcoholic. What makes you think Sam is even the reason I'm feeling like this?"_

_"He's not? Well then please feel free to fill me in on what the reason actually is, Jessica. I'm all ears..."_

_"Nope. We are not talking about my love life, no sir-ee. Not today, mister! Keep walking, pal!_ _The only thing I need **you**  to do, Nicholas, is buy me another drink..."_

_"Calm down there, lady. You're knocking them back pretty quick._ _People might think I'm trying to take advantage of you in your delicate state!"_

_"Would that be such a bad thing?"_

Oh.

Oh, no. Had she actually said that?! Did Nick react? What happened afterwards?

_Think, Jess! Think!_

She had nothing. A big pile of haziness that disappeared the harder she tried to bring it back. Oh, god.

"I'm never drinking again..." Jess muttered to herself, sinking further down on the couch and sighing as she heard Nick return to the room after showing Murdoch out.

"All fixed!" He clapped his hands together.

"Gahhh, don't clap!" She cried "Please, don't clap. My head...my poor, poor head!"

"Hangovers are a bitch, huh? I did warn you. But you wouldn't listen to me, you just kept on drinking! You must have drained New Orleans of all the pink wine you could find."

Jess narrowed her eyes at him and pointed accusingly "Why aren't you suffering as much as I am?"

He laughed and started to gather up the blankets as the room began to return to a decent temperature "Because, Jessica, I can hold my liquor better than you can. I'm suffering too, I assure you, but this will hopefully be gone by the time I've eaten lunch. And besides, I wasn't the one drinking girly pink wine that would give me the headache from hell - which I also warned you about, by the way."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. You didn't want to know, of course. Just kept wanting to dance on the table and annoy the locals."

Jess buried her face in her hands and laid down on her side, groaning. The room had begun to spin the longer she was upright. Nick shook his head pitifully and lifted the pile of blankets in to his arms.

"I'm gonna go put these away seeing as we no longer need them, and grab myself a shower to freshen up. I still feel a bit dirty from that last place we went to..." He shuddered "...painkillers are in the kitchen, Day. Third cupboard on the left!"

As he retreated from the room, Jess found herself calling him back against her better judgement "Hey, Nick? Did anything else happen last night I should be aware of? Everything is a big blank space in my brain." She lied.

Looking over his shoulder, Nick paused and shook his head "Uh...no. No, I don't think so - other than getting crazy drunk, acting like a party girl and dancing on those tables...nothing else to report!" Turning around quickly, he stepped away from the room and rushed to return the blankets to their home in the linen closet, before stepping swiftly in to the bathroom where he switched the shower on and let the room fill with steam as he allowed the memories of last night - in particular, those seven words from Jess - play over in his mind:

_'People might think I'm trying to take advantage of you in your delicate state!'_

' _Would that be such a bad thing?'_

Nick knew she was very drunk when she said it, but it had still surprised him. Pleased him, if he was honest - I mean who doesn't want to hear that? He had done a pretty good job at hiding his reaction, he thought. Jess was already clambering to get up on the table again by the time he had registered what she said, so clearly it wasn't something she had meant. Did she? She can't have done. Jess couldn't even remember anything this morning, so he wasn't going to remind her. Let sleeping dogs lie.

_But...what if she **did**  mean it?_

_It doesn't matter - you have a girlfriend!_

Standing under the hot jet of the shower, Nick rested his forehead on the tiles and closed his eyes as he let the water beat down on him, hoping it would wash away the conflicting thoughts filling his brain. He gave himself a shake from head to toe and slapped his hands against his cheeks quickly.

_Snap out of it, man!_

No good could come from picking at that old wound.

...

...


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX:

 

Since the morning the air conditioning was fixed, Jess had felt Nick back off from her a little. He seemed wary of spending too much time sat close to her, always remembering there was something that needed doing to give him cause to vacate the couch and put space between them. He'd also taken up her suggestion of going out to write his book, spending hours at a time away from the apartment as he pushed to complete the last couple of chapters. She couldn't blame him really, she had clearly crossed a line with what she said the other day. Yes, she was drunk and he may not have believed a word she said anyway, but Jess knew she had spoken the truth and what  _could_  have happened would have caused a multitude of problems. This was exactly the kind of situation Cece had warned her about. Jess had been careless in getting so drunk that she had lost her inhibitions and loosened her tongue to the extent that she practically screamed 'Let's have sex!' at her ex boyfriend.

Okay, maybe she wasn't quite  _that_  explicit - but she might as well have been.

And so Jess didn't mention that she had noticed the distance he was enforcing, didn't try and ask him why, and she definitely hadn't let herself get drunk in his presence again after that night because, well, she clearly couldn't trust herself not to say it again. She  _did_  want to have sex with Nick.

Hell, she wanted  _everything_  with Nick.

And that wasn't fair on him.

Or Reagan...

But mainly him, because then he would be put in an awful position, and Nick's moral compass was almost as strong as hers where infidelity was concerned. He wasn't labelled a serial monogamist for nothing. Jess wasn't quite so sure where Reagan stood on the matter, but she did get the feeling that perhaps this relationship meant more to Nick than her. Otherwise she'd make the effort to be here...right?

What was it Nick had said about Ryan? _"The only thing that matters is if the guy is there for you when you need him. Otherwise, you're dating a wall."_

She couldn't help but think that certainly applied here too. Nick hated long distance stuff, so why did he seem so okay with the set up here?

It wasn't that Jess didn't like Reagan - she did.

But, did she like Reagan _for Nick?_

Well...not really.

That wasn't to be mean, it was just the truth. Reagan oozed self confidence and didn't require validation from anyone - least of all Nick - when it came to the choices she made. This was not the case with Nicholas Miller.

Jess knew him, and more specifically she knew how his brain worked. He was insecure and paranoid in new relationships, his behaviour here in New Orleans with self doubt over his writing ability and constant efforts of unnecessary self improvement because he thought that's what was expected of him were a perfect example. What use was a relationship if you couldn't be comfortable in your own skin with that person? If he wanted to laze around in his sweats and eat a bacon sandwich, he should be happy doing so, not feel worried about the reaction it was going to get and whether it was enough to tarnish a new beau's view of him. Nick needed positive reinforcement - much like a puppy, really.

If he felt he was doing well and someone was pleased with his achievements, he would push on and strive to do his best. But, if he felt he was floundering and there was no one around to lift him up, the insecurity would just eat away at him and Nick would revert to his old move of pushing the Miller Self Destruct button.

But Jess wouldn't allow herself to point any of this out to him, of course, as Nick really  _did_  seem to like Reagan.

Jess had picked up pretty quickly on the fact that Reagan called around the same time each evening, and Nick had always appeared to get nervous in the run up to his phone going off. Then he'd take the call, and come back with a spring in his step. But over the past week his mood had shifted. He started to retreat to his room to answer her calls, they lasted barely a few minutes, and his smile would always seem smaller when he returned.

Yesterday, Reagan had not called.

At all.

Nick's phone had sat on the counter and he had done his best to pretend he wasn't waiting for it to ring, but the numerous glances to the screen and then to his watch had given him away. It had reached 10pm and Jess could see his left leg was jiggling repeatedly from beneath the breakfast bar as he sat on the stool, tapping his fingers loudly to try and distract himself. At 10:30pm he appeared to give up, trudging to the kitchen and pouring himself a large whiskey before disappearing to his bedroom with a muttered goodnight.

When the call came this evening, Nick leapt up from the couch with such speed it almost made Jess drop her mug of tea. She chewed on her lip and swallowed down the lump of jealousy in her throat as he walked quickly to his room to speak to his girlfriend. Trying to block out his side of the conversation, she grabbed the remote and turned the volume on the TV up a couple of notches then sank back into the couch. Pretty soon, there was the unmistakable sound of a very frustrated Nick Miller spilling from his room. As if on autopilot, Jess rose swiftly to her feet and found herself at the end of the hall, staring at his bedroom door which had been left ajar.

"No, the air conditioning is fine...yes...of course I haven't touched it, what do you think I am - some kinda idiot? Look, it's not like it happened on purpose...I don't know exactly...why does it even matter, it's fixed now anyway..."

She could sense his blood pressure rising from where she stood, in fact Jess was certain that - had she had the ability to see through walls - she would have been able to see his free hand balling up into a fist by his side while he silently gritted his teeth in annoyance. To her horror, Jess realised she was smiling at the knowledge that all was not well in camp Reagan.

She felt bad that she felt  _good_.

_'I'm a garbage person'_ Jess thought to herself in disgust.

She knew that standing there listening was a terrible thing to do, it felt deeply wrong - voyeuristic, almost - yet as much as she willed herself to walk away, her feet would not oblige her. Rooted to the spot as she heard Nick's voice rise.

"...well maybe if you were around more I could check these things with you, Reagan...you know exactly what I mean...I'm starting to forget what you look like...yeah, I know...your work's important to you, I got that the first ten times you said it...so do you even  _plan_  on coming back any time soon? Because right now I feel like I'm just out here vacationing on my own - I might as well not even have a girlfriend!"

Jess heard herself let out a little gasp. Stumbling back slightly and bumping into a side table, she held her breath in case Nick had realised she was out there. Shuffling around the corner out of view, Jess heard Nick's voice get louder as he approached his still partially open door "I'm sorry, okay - I didn't mean that...I didn't, Reagan, wait...It's just I thought you were going to at least  _try_  to come back at the weekends...I miss you...hold on a second..."

The bedroom door clicked shut loudly and Jess missed the last part of his conversation. Back pressed hard against the wall, her heart was pounding at nearly being caught eavesdropping and she hurried off to the kitchen to make another cup of tea, wondering who the hell she had become. When Nick returned to the room silently a few minutes later, he seemed so deflated. Flopping down on the couch and grabbing the remote, his eyes didn't leave the TV screen as Jess joined him and placed two mugs down on the table, asking if he was okay.

He said he was fine, but she knew that he wasn't.

That was when Jess decided he needed cheering up. And what cheered up a sad Nick Miller better than anything else? Alcohol.

...

Jess stepped into the living area the following evening and cleared her throat. In the kitchen, Nick hadn't moved and was still stood with his back to her as he put away the clean dishes. Frowning, Jess cleared her throat again - louder this time, and more forceful. Glancing over his shoulder, Nick had started with his usual greeting before stopping in his tracks when his brain registered what his eyes were seeing.

"Hey Je_" eyebrows raised heavenwards, he couldn't stop his mouth from dropping open slightly. She was stood before him in the cutest sunflower yellow dress, the floaty hem ending just above her knee. Jess had her hair loose and dark curls hung over her shoulders, drawing his eyes towards the delightful way her cleavage was highlighted by the flattering cut of the neckline "Wow...you look...you look... _great_." he said simply, unable to hide the awe from his voice.

"Thanks." Jess looked at her feet, aware of the pink tinge that was creeping towards her cheeks and trying to stop it before he noticed.

"So, uh, what's the occasion?"

"You're taking me out."

"I am?!" He answered, confused.

"You are." Jess nodded, holding her purse tightly between her hands because she was feeling bizarrely nervous about this whole thing.

"Okay...well, not that I'm one to turn down a drink, but  _why_  exactly?"

"Because...because...it's my last weekend here in New Orleans, and I realised I haven't even been to Bourbon Street yet. That's kind of a must see, right? So, I was kinda hoping maybe you would take me there?"

Nick pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and leaned forward to place his hands on the kitchen counter.

"I dunno, Jess - I'm not really in the mood for a night out..." He sighed.

"Please, Nick? I'd really like to see it, but I don't want to venture down there on my own. It might do us both good to get out and forget our troubles for one night?"

"Troubles? What makes you think I have troubles?" Nick countered quickly with a frown.

"Oh...I...its just...with your book...the writers block?" She stammered, but he seemed to buy it, thankfully.

Running a hand through his hair, he puffed out his cheeks and pretended to weigh up his options before smiling at her grunt of frustration to his prolonged silence.

"Fine, okay. I think I can do that...on one condition!"

"What's that?"

"No dancing on tables!" He pointed a finger at her and chuckled when she blushed with embarrassment at the memory.

"I can assure you that will  _not_  be a problem, Nicholas."

"Alright, alright...I'm in. Let me go and change then I'm all yours!"

Jess smiled and nodded as he walked past her to his room, while ignoring the voice in her head that was screaming ' _I wish...'_

...

Her fingers gripped tightly around the railings of the balcony and Jess screwed her eyes closed against the thudding of her heart in her chest as she waited for Nick to get ready. Reminding herself that this was  _not_  a date, she inhaled the warm New Orleans air and held on to it for a count of five before breathing out slowly, repeating the routine until her heart rate had eventually settled. It was a grounding technique she'd read about for anxiety, and had actually come in very useful recently. Jess tapped her nails on the purse she was clutching under her arm, and her face settled with a resolute expression as she gave herself a good talking to.

_Get your shit together, Day. You're gonna be fine. You're doing this for him, remember. To lift him up. He needs you as his friend right now, he's floundering and something with Reagan is definitely bothering him. Not everything is about you._

Her eyes drifted to the now blooming flower boxes and she smiled, tracing her fingers over the petals that now presented themselves proudly for inspection.

"Told you I'd look after you." She said, grinning wider as the yellow flower moved in the barely there breeze, as if nodding its head in agreement "All you needed was a little affection and some time to recover. I'm not quite there yet, but I think I might just be okay. I'm totally being a strong ass woman by doing this, right? I'm a great friend. The best."

Jess pouted at her poor attempt to convince herself this was going to be easy. But she was willing to try,  _for him_. Just lay off the booze and she'll be okay.

"It will be fun...it will be  _fun_...it  **will**  be fun."

"Who you talking to out here?"

"Jesus!" She exclaimed in shock as Nick's voice made her jump three feet in the air for the second time during her stay.

"Really? Okay, well...tell him I say hi, won't you?"

"Hilarious. Seriously, Nick, you have  _got_  to stop doing that!" Jess rolled her eyes as she turned around, momentarily lost for words as she saw him standing in the doorway. He had gone all out, wearing smart dress trousers and shoes with a fresh pressed, pale blue shirt that looked phenomenal against his tanned skin.

Here comes that thumping heartbeat again.

"You ready to go forget our troubles?" He laughed.

"Yeah...yeah, let's go...let me just pick up my purse."

Jess reached to the floor to collect the purse she had dropped in fright and steadied herself on the railings for one last deep breath of composure. She saw the flower in the window box, it's petals now tilted in a quirky angle, as if raising a non existent eyebrow at her.

"Oh, don't look at me like that!" She muttered, walking swiftly off the balcony to join Nick inside the apartment.

...

Standing at the end of the road and looking ahead, Jess paused to take in the view of Bourbon Street. Numerous old buildings - most with little balconies on the second floor - lined up before her, neon signs outside all but a few establishments, the reds and yellows and greens throwing out a special glow across the people walking past. It was almost dream like, and Jess loved it instantly. Being early in the evening, it was just the right amount of busy - a bustling atmosphere without crowds so crushing you couldn't move.

"Where to first?" She asked, turning to face Nick while bouncing excitedly on her heels and playing with the clasp of her purse.

"Well, no trip to Bourbon Street would be complete without a visit to Pat O'Briens - you'll find out why..." Nick gave a small smile and gestured for her to follow him as he approached a building with large windows framed by bright green shutters and a wrought iron balcony overhead. Resting his hand in the small of her back, Nick led Jess out to a brick courtyard, hidden away like a little oasis. There were topiary arches leading to more tables nestled among lights that looked like old fashioned street lamps and were positioned around a fountain in the centre that somehow managed to be flowing with water and  _on fire_  at the same time.

"That's so cool!" Gushed Jess.

"Yeah, that'll be the famous Flaming Fountain. Looks pretty good, right? Okay, you take a seat and I'll go get us a drink."

"Wait, Nick - you don't know what I want to order!" She called after him and he looked over his shoulder with a grin, pretending he couldn't hear her, returning five minutes later with a beer for himself and a very large cocktail for Jess.

"Nick, what is  _this_? I said I wasn't getting drunk tonight and I meant it!"

"It's a cocktail, Jessica, and you're going to love it. You can't come to Bourbon Street and not try a Hurricane..." He slid the glass closer to her "...one drink won't hurt."

She narrowed her eyes at the drink suspiciously. It sure did look tasty - bright red in a curved glass that looked like a hurricane vase, garnished with slices of orange and a cherry. Glancing over at Nick and seeing him raise a brow while he shrugged and sat back in his seat swigging on a beer, Jess sighed "What the hell..." and took a large mouthful, instantly regretting it.

"Oh my, that certainly packs a punch!" She croaked, as the alcohol burned her throat.

"Yeah, that'll be the rum."

"I knew it! You  _are_  trying to get me drunk, Nicholas Miller, you scoundrel! I'm not dancing on tables for strangers tonight, I told you that."

"Relax, kid. You're safe with me - I'll chase away any unwanted attention you attract. Scouts honour!" He held his hand aloft.

"You were never a Boy Scout..."

"Oh, right...then I guess you're on your own!" He laughed.

Nick lead Jess through the growing crowds as they stepped back out onto the street, guiding her with a gentle nudge of his shoulder, or a hand on her elbow, as they walked the pavements looking for the next bar to experience. A few of the more salubrious establishments were given a wide berth, before something caught Jess's eye as it floated above their heads.

"Ooh, bubbles! Let's try this one!" She squealed, the buzz of her cocktail still humming through her veins.

"Ugh, Jess...please, not here. You're such a tourist!"

"Well, dur. Come on grumpy pants..." She grinned at him and completed the sentence in her most over-the-top sing songy voice "...it'll be fuuuuunnnn!"

Nick followed her through the door begrudgingly, avoiding the huge bubble machine blasting out towards the street and heading straight to the bar for another beer as the loud, thumping bass from the blaring music pulsed in his temples. They managed to find possibly the only spare table in the place in a slightly quieter area of the bar and set down their drinks. Jess looked around with a beaming grin, bouncing up and down to the music. She caught his eye and laughed at his bottom lip pouting out like a petulant child. She half danced-half shuffled towards him and silently tried to persuade him to join her. It wasn't his thing, she knew that of course. But tonight was about having fun and forgetting themselves, Jess was an expert in losing herself in song and knew first hand how dancing your face off was often the perfect antidote to a low mood - whatever the cause. He shook his head vehemently while she nodded hers, not taking no for an answer. Gently holding his forearms, she moved him side to side before he rolled his eyes heavenward and shrugged her off, moving himself stiffly to the terrible music pounding around them. He was looking like the most awkward human in the world right now, but Jess greatly appreciated his efforts.

"Nick - you've got to loosen up!" She laughed at his robotic attempt to move in time to the beat, a grimace of discomfort plastered firmly across his face.

"You know I hate this, right? Living my nightmare...right here, in front of all these people..."

"Newsflash: No one is looking at you!"

"Gee, I feel so special!" He said sarcastically, fingers splayed on his chest.

"You know what I mean - they're all just having fun! You should, too. You said you'd make sure I was enjoying myself on this trip, right?"

"Yes, but I'm taking it back...I didn't agree to dancing."

"Well, I enjoy dancing - it makes me happy!" She shimmied in front of him with a grin.

"Then knock yourself out, girl. I'll wait for you at the bar..." His hands dropped heavily to his sides and Nick turned to walk away, but felt her fingers around his wrist pulling him back. He stopped still and huffed, looking down at her pleading eyes.

"Oh, come on, Jess - don't do that..."

"Don't do what?" She asked, full of innocence.

"That!" He pointed to her face as she pouted up at him and waggled his finger "With the big doe eyes and the fluttering eyelashes!"

"I don't have the slightest idea what you are talking about, Nicholas. But I  _do_  know you're not just going to abandon me here in the middle of the bar,  _right_?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, but they both knew she was correct.

"I don't dance, Jess. My body just doesn't move that way - I wasn't built correctly!" He gave a plaintive whine, hoping to appeal to her kinder nature, but instead she surprised him by stepping close enough that their chests were almost touching.

"Nonsense! Just feel the music, Nicholas." She giggled as her hands landed on his hips and moved them in time to the beat, matching her rhythm. He felt himself swallow thickly when Jess unexpectedly slipped her hand into his, his fingers twitching at the touch. She span herself in his arms and laughed, as if this was completely normal and not at all weird. Must be that second glass of pink wine mixing with her cocktail making her lose her mind.

Surrendering himself to her guidance, Nick was just beginning to find his groove when the song changed and the tempo slowed. Still linking hands, they continued to sway to the music together. As more people stood to dance nearby, their bodies were forced closer as the space around them diminished.

Jess found herself looking straight into his eyes and had to resist the intense urge to just lean forward and place her head on his shoulder, like she once would have done. It would have been so easy, and she's pretty certain Nick would have just let her do it, too.

But good old imaginary Cece was screeching in her ear again:  _Jessica Damn Day, don't you even think about it. Not cool. He has a girlfriend, and you are too tipsy and vulnerable to deal with this right now. Take a breath. That's it, now a small step back...better, see? Keep it light hearted. You'll thank me tomorrow, honey..._

"See? It's not so hard...just stop thinking about it and go wherever the music takes you." She smirked as he frowned at her.

"That's  _such_  a cliche, Jess."

"Dancing is easy, even you can do it!"

"Even  ** _I_**  can do it?!"

"I said what I said." She teased "And you're not too bad for someone with two left feet. Just let yourself go..."

As she finished her sentence, his grasp tightened on her. Tipping Jess in front of him theatrically, Nick arched her backwards and moved her left to right in his arms quickly before tugging her back up and pulling her tight into his chest, silencing Jess immediately, and causing her to place a hand over his heart to steady herself from the sudden head rush. Her ribcage was pressing into his as they both tried to calm their breathing.

"Yeah, I think I got it..." Nick said quietly, not quite able to escape how the sensation of her in his embrace made his breath catch a little in his throat. It was the first time since they were 'them' that he and Jess had been this close - he had forgotten (correction: had  _forced_  himself to forget) how her body just seemed to mould into his own, and he was completely and utterly unnerved by the entire thing. The look in her eyes seemed to reflect his own panic, and Nick worried that he may have somehow just crossed a line. Righting himself immediately stepping back from her as the song drew to an end, he smoothed a hand over his shirt and gestured to the bar.

"Drink?" He croaked out, his desperation to move away painfully obvious.

Jess simply nodded, the crushing pain in her chest stealing her ability to speak as she followed him across the room, hoping he wouldn't see the disappointment in her face.

 

...

...


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN:

 

When Jess had suggested they go out to eat the following night, Nick was caught a little off guard. He certainly wasn't expecting it. If anything, he thought Jess might give him a wide berth after how awkwardly things had ended the night before.

He'd tried to push the look of fear in her eyes as he'd held her when they danced in the bar to the back of his mind, and they had returned to their table with another drink. To Jess's credit, she tried to continue with their conversations as if nothing happened. She kept it simple, and safe. They spoke about other clubs in the street and the dive bars to avoid. But in the end, she couldn't stop the topic of going back to L.A from coming up.

"So, not long until your flight home, huh? How you feeling about that?"

"Oh, well...I hadn't really given it much thought." She tried to sound convincing "It's a little overwhelming to think about at the moment. Being here's been like an escape from reality for a while, I guess."

Her eyes fell to the floor and Jess circled her finger slowly around the rim of her wine glass, mind clearly elsewhere. It was still on the dance floor, if she was honest. Still there in his arms, feeling his heart beat against hers and seeing his jaw muscles pulse as she looked up at him. She could have sworn she saw something in his eyes in that moment, but he'd freaked out before she could be sure. He'd actually stepped away from her like he might catch something. Like he was afraid.

There was a tiny part of her brain screaming at her to just tell him how she felt. Right now. Just come clean and admit she was still in love with him, to hell with the consequences. But the bigger, more sensible part of her brain was still two glasses of wine away from being completely drunk and easily overpowered the smaller voice with a stern lecture on timing. Now was  _not_  the time to do this.

"Do you think you're  _ready_  to go back, Jess?" Nick nudged her foot gently with his shoe to get her attention and smiled sincerely when she bought her gaze up to his "I mean, if you need more time, you can stay with me as long as you want - you know that, right?"

"Thanks, Nick."

"Yeah, sure...I really like having you around, so..." He shrugged.

"And I like being here." Jess tried to look pointedly at him as she replied, wanting to check his eyes and guage their reaction, but he was already glancing down to reach for his phone as he carried on talking.

"Reagan's due back soon, but she won't mind."

"Oh." The knot in her stomach felt as large as a fist "Reagan. Of course, I forgot..." Jess trailed off.

"Speak of the devil..." Nick laughed - a little to forcefully to be genuine - and lifted his phone where Jess could see the caller I.D flashing, waiting to be answered. He didn't move immediately, almost as if he was waiting for an excuse to let it ring off, but finally stood and looked apologetically towards Jess.

"It's fine, I'm good here...go talk to your girlfriend."

"I'll be right back, two minutes tops..."

"Go!" Jess laughed, trying her best for it not to sound sarcastic.

True to his word, Nick returned just a couple of minutes later and flopped himself heavily back down into the chair. He smiled awkwardly at Jess and huffed out a little chuckle.

"Told you I wouldn't be long."

"You're a man of your word, Nick Miller..."

"No table dancing during my absence? I'm a little disappointed, I must say!"

"I'm not drunk enough for  _that_."

"So..." Nick rubbed a hand over the knee of his dress trousers "...what do you think you'll do?"

"Hmm?"

"About L.A..."

"Oh." Jess paused to empty her glass "I...uh...I guess I'll probably just go back as planned. You know, I have Cece and the other guys waiting for me at home. They'll look after me. I'll be fine."

Nick nodded quietly.

"Okay. If you're sure - but the offer still stands."

"I'm sure." She tries to sound cheerful about it, despite dreading the thought of leaving him "I can't hide away here forever. Gotta face up to reality at some point, right?"

"Right..." Nick's mouth smiled, but his eyes did not.

...

Jess followed Nick out of restaurant feeling lighter than air, despite the three courses they had just devoured in between laughing so hard they nearly cried. She was so glad she suggested going out, they seemed to have completely moved past the weird vibe from last night. In all honesty, she had just wanted to get out of the apartment so she could avoid the confined space with only him in it. But, actually, it had been a great evening. It was just like old times. Fun with her best friend. Sure, her heart had still ached when he rolled his sleeves up his arms after their appetisers. And so what if the ambient lighting made his eyes shine so much she could barely look right at him without blushing? It wasn't a date. Jess knew that, but it filled her with an unexpected joy regardless.

"I don't think I'm going to need to eat for another month after that feast!" She grinned across at him.

"I told you, that place is amazing."

They walked up the street, the air thick and warm around them. Visitors were starting to mill in and out of bars and restaurants as the night settled in.

"Well, I'm surprisingly glad I let you choose the venue for once..." Jess laughs, running her fingers along the old brickwork of the building they were passing "...is it somewhere else you happened upon during one of your 'thinking' walks?"

"Oh, no. I've been here loads. It was the first place Reagan showed me the night I arrived out here. Seems like so long ago now..." Nick said the words as if they were some long gone, distant memory. But of course, Jess didn't pick up on that part. She didn't hear the melancholy tone to his voice, or the slight tinge of regret that wound itself around his words. Jess merely heard mention of the 'R-word' and it was enough to make her heart sink. The great mood she had been in began to fade away. The wind in her sails giving her buoyancy and floating her up the pavement dissipated, leaving her legs feeling weighted and difficult to move - the delicious dinner she had just eaten now feeling like a heavy stone of disappointment sitting in her stomach. She slowed down and Nick turned towards her, lips tucked over his teeth in a small, slightly awkward smile at the sudden pause.

"So do you...wanna go for a drink or something? The night is young, and the trashy bars are plenty."

Jess fumbled with the clasp on her purse, pretending to look for her lip gloss so she didn't have to meet his gaze while she thought of an excuse.

"Actually, do you mind if we go back to the apartment? I've got a bit of a headache...must be this humidity or something..." She lied.

"Oh, sure. Yeah, that's cool - if that's what you want, it's fine."

"Maybe another night?" Jess offered a hollow promise "Thanks for dinner, though. Next time it's on me."

"What do you mean?" His brow furrowed.

"Paying for the meal - it was sweet of you." Jess pointed towards the restaurant.

"Wait, Jess - I didn't pay..."

They gawked at one another. Jess tilted her head and raised her eyebrows "You didn't?!"

"No! I saw you talking to the waitress and assumed  _you_  had - you mean you didn't?" Nick started to laugh but she didn't share his amusement.

"NO!" Jess screeched and slapped him on the chest "I was asking her where she got her shoes from, you dummy!"

Their eyes widened in mutual realisation and they looked back down the street over their shoulders at the same time, seeing a confused looking waiter exit the restaurant and glance up the street. Nick ushered Jess quickly up the road out of view, ducking them both through the door of the first bar they saw, where he leaned back against the inside wall and folded over in a fit of giggles. Looking up and seeing the serious expression on her face made him crease up with a renewed laughter so hard that he was practically crying.

"Is he okay?" Asked a concerned member of staff as he passed by.

"He won't be when I've finished with him." Jess grumbled and stormed over, demanding "Nick, stop making a scene!"

"Oh, come on Jess - lighten up! It's funny! I haven't done something like that since I was in college."

"Lighten up?!" She stood with her hands on her hips, one foot placed slightly in front of the other and hissed at him through gritted teeth "You've just made me a criminal - it's theft! What are you finding so funny?! We need to go back there right now and explain!"

Sighing, he straightened up and frowned "It was just a misunderstanding, Jessica. Calm down!"

"Don't tell me to be calm - they could be calling the police right now!"

Nick realised she was deadly serious and was a little surprised by the force of her reaction. Jess would usually have seen the funny side to these crossed wires.

"Jeez, Grandma - it's fine. They know me. Reagan and I have been there a lot, they're not going to call the damn cops! Look - we'll go back tomorrow, I'll explain what happened and we'll just settle up. Okay?"

"No, Nick!" She growled, eyes suddenly sparking with anger "I'm  **not**  okay!"

"Wait,  _what_?"

"What? I said it's not okay!" She raised her voice at him, hands making fists at her sides.

"You said  _ **I'm**_  not okay, Jess. That's entirely different..." Nick's voice was quiet as he stepped away from the wall.

"Well, it's not what I meant."

"So...are you sure you're alright? You're acting kinda off..."

"I'm fine!" She huffed, turning her back on him, jerking her shoulder away when she felt his warm hand land on it. His touch felt like she was being branded with a red hot iron and it made her flinch. The heat seared her skin and made her mind go momentarily blank. This was all getting far too much - she'd thought she was doing well. Coping fine. They'd been spending time together and it was fun. She'd kept herself in check (for the most part, drunken Jess aside), was sleeping okay, and had actually started to relax. But now it seemed like she was right back at the beginning. The same messed up Jess that landed at the airport a few weeks ago. Tears of frustration began stinging her eyelids, her throat burning from the effort of holding them in. Her stomach was in knots, and Jess's blood pressure was through the roof. Slow, deep breaths weren't going to be enough to overcome this.

"Jessica, will you just talk to me, please?"

"There's nothing to talk about...I said I'm fine, didn't I?"

"You can keep lying and telling me you're fine all you want, Jess. But I know you're not. This isn't you..." He took a step closer "...is this...about Sam?"

Jess scoffed loudly, her hair flicking side to side as she shook her head in disbelief "Sam?!"

"Well,  _something's_  going on..." Nick continued desperately "...and I can't help you fix it if you don't tell me what it is!"

"I don't need  **fixing**!" She yelled, still looking away "Especially not by you, Miller." Jess cursed herself as soon as she said it, infinitely thankful he couldn't see her face or the way she was biting down hard on her lip.

"What on earth is up with you?" His voice rose louder "Why won't you let me in anymore?"

"Wh-what?"

"It's like you've had your guard up since you got here - any time I think I'm getting through, making progress, you just back off and change the subject."

"What are you  _talking_  about?"

"Don't play dumb. You're shutting me out and I wanna know why. You won't talk about your break up, you don't want to speak about work. Every time I try, you avoid the conversation. This is so unlike the Jess I know!"

"Maybe I'm just fed up with childish games, Nicholas." Jess span angrily to face him and, seeing his eyes widen momentarily, quickly added "You know, uh, running away... _from the restaurant_...without paying -  _that_  was childish."

"Great, so now I'm childish? You sound  **just**  like Reagan!" Nick rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in the air, clearly frustrated.

"Well, I guess there's something  _else_  we have in common." Jess spat, voice hoarse from fighting back the tears so desperate to fall.

"Hey - that's not fair. I'm doing my best here, Jessica...I might not be perfect, but I'm trying to make something of myself. To grow up. I've been working  _really_  hard to get this book finished, it hasn't been easy and you know that!" His tone was defensive, and a little hurt. She instantly felt a pang of regret - he  _had_  come so far recently, and it showed, but him bringing up his girlfriends name yet  _again_  was as painful as a slap in the face and it had made her spiteful.

Jealousy would do that to a person.

"Fine, let's just...go back to the apartment." Nick offered dejectedly, hands settling on his hips when he was met with stony silence as she turned back to face the door.

"No." Jess answered finally, without turning around "I'll go back on my own. You stay here, have that drink you wanted...enjoy the rest of your night."

"Jessica, please. I'll get us a ride, just hold on..."

"I said  **no**  - it's not up for discussion, Nick."

With that, Jess walked out the door of the bar in a hurry and refused to look back. If she had, she would have seen the confusion thoroughly stamped all over his face.

Nick stood speechless for a moment, staring at the empty space now in front of him. He was aware of a few fellow patrons glancing in his direction having heard the raised voices, but did his best to block them out. He let the breath he'd been holding in fall out of his mouth heavily with a weary sigh and walked slowly towards the bar. Setting himself down on a stool, he motioned to the bartender to bring him a whiskey and found himself nursing it for a good half an hour whilst replaying the whole sorry scene in his head. He twirled the last of his drink around the glass, watching the repetitive, circular movements. Nick was worried about Jess, he couldn't pretend otherwise. She was a mess when she first arrived, but he'd thought that she was getting back to her old self bit by bit. He'd seen glimpses of that megawatt smile of hers, and heard her singing in the shower as he walked down the hall, which he knew was a good sign. But he couldn't escape the niggling feeling that something wasn't right. Nick wondered several times if there was more beneath the Sam break up than she would tell him whenever he asked. He'd even gone so far as to quiz Schmidt about it, but everyone was holding their cards suspiciously close to their chests. Vagueness seemed to be the order of the day. He hoped that their little 'moment' in the club last night hadn't been the reason for Jess's outburst - he was still worried he'd crossed a line by holding her so close for so long and thought perhaps she'd mentioned it to Cece...who in turn would  _certainly_  have told Schmidt. Whatever the problem, Nick knew one thing for sure. He had promised to look after Jess while she was in New Orleans and currently, it didn't seem like he was doing too good a job of that.

Something was wrong, and he was certain he needed to at least  _try_  to make it right. Downing his last mouthful, Nick threw down a tip and raised a hand to the bartender in thanks before slipping out the door of the bar and fishing his phone from his pocket.

...

The sunlight beamed in through the open curtains of Jess's window and landed squarely on her face. She groaned and flung an arm dramatically across her eyes before rolling on her side to face the door. Taking a deep breath, she tried to push down the ball of anxiety that had settled in her chest. Her mouth was ridiculously dry, so she reached for the drink on her side table and emptied what was left in one go. Rubbing a hand heavily across her face, Jess blinked a few times to try and rid her eyes of the tired, groggy feeling that was lingering - remnants of the sleeping pills she had been forced to take last night for the first occasion in several weeks.

By the time she had reached the apartment after walking out on Nick, Jess had been a mess. A tear-stained, sobbing, emotional mess. She had tried every coping mechanism the Dr had given her as she sat on the edge of the bed in the guest room, but nothing was helping. Nothing could shift the hurt that resided in her heart, the gut-wrenching nausea, or the panicked feeling that was taking over her body with every passing, shaky breath she was struggling to take. Jess had lain on her pillow and willed herself to sleep away the pain, but an hour passed and still her mind was racing. All she saw behind her eyelids was his face so close to hers. She stood and paced the floor of her room continuously, pretty sure she would end up wearing a groove into the wood. Stopping at the closet, Jess had even grabbed desperately for one of her bags, spinning on her heel and blindly throwing random items of clothing in from the dresser, before catching sight of herself in the mirror, making her drop the bag to the ground immediately and burst into tears. She didn't even recognise the person she saw in the reflection looking back at her: broken, and a shadow of the woman she once was. How had she let it get this far? What the hell would Cece say if she could see her right now?

Enough was enough.

She couldn't stay here any more. It was not good for her. Whatever she had hoped this trip would accomplish was never going to happen, and Jess knew that leaving first thing in the morning was absolutely what she had to do. She needed to get some rest, then leave early in the day, before Nick could stop her. There was just that small obstacle of the ever elusive sleep in the way. Her eyes had fallen on the drawer of the bedside table, and Jess found herself reaching for the bottle of pills she had hidden away. She'd stared at them for a long while before finally opening the cap, wondering if a time would ever come where she would no longer feel this way. Taking the tablets with a glass of water, she had stripped down to her underwear and crawled under the sheets without even bothering to search for her pyjama's. Her phone was in her hand, and her finger was hovering over Cece's name to tell her she was coming home early, but Jess had ended up falling asleep in that same position, having never gotten as far as actually making the call.

It also meant she never saw the five unanswered calls from Nick just moments afterwards.

So now it was morning, and she rolled heavily on her back, wondering where the hell she was going to go from here. All that hard work ruined in one stupid moment. Sitting herself up, Jess glanced at the clock - 9:15am. Later than she hoped, but Nick probably wasn't even up yet. If she was quick, she could grab a shower and be back in her room to pack before he surfaced. Standing up and realising she was still only in her underwear, she reached for the blue satin dressing gown hanging on the back of her door and wrapped it around herself hastily. She grabbed for the handle and pulled it open as quietly as she could. Jess took in a tiny gasp of air as her eyes fell to her feet. Resting outside her door was a tray piled high with fresh powdered beignets from Cafe du Monde - just like her first night in New Orleans - a mug of steaming black coffee, and a large glass of orange juice. Swallowing down the lump in her throat at his unexpected kind gesture, Jess chanced a glance across the hall and saw Nick's bedroom door was wide open. Her head turned to look down the hall at the sound of water running - he'd beaten her to the shower.

Crouching down, she picked up the tray and stepped backwards into her room, bumping the door closed with her hip and sitting down on the floor where she stood, leaning her back against the bedroom door and crossing her legs as she set the breakfast down in front of her. That was when Jess noticed the little envelope sticking out from under the plate. Her heart beat a little faster as her hands fumbled to remove it. Running her fingers over her name that Nick had written in big letters, she took a deep breath and gently tore it open. Unfolding the notepaper, a receipt fell into her lap and Jess noticed it was from the restaurant they had left without paying last night. Clutching it to her chest, she quickly scanned the note Nick had wrapped it in:

_Hey, Jess_

_I tried knocking on your door when I got back last night, but it was late and I guess you were asleep as you didn't answer. Either that, or you're still too pissed at me to want to see my face. Also understandable..._

_Listen, I'm really sorry if I upset you. I thought it was just a fun misunderstanding, but clearly I totally misread the situation. I seem to be pretty good at that, apparently. I said I'd look after you if you came out here, and I obviously screwed that up. Anyway, I went back to the restaurant after you left and paid in full - with a generous tip...proof included..._

_I hope you like the breakfast._

_I thought we could back to the beginning of your stay here and start again? If you feel up to it, I have something planned today that I think you'll love. Be ready to go by 10:30am._

_But only if you want to..._

_Nick_

There goes her plan for a quick exit...

 

...

...


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT:

 

Walking slowly down the hall and into the living area, Jess's gaze landed on Nick's back as he leaned against the wall waiting to see if she would join him. In the thirty seconds it took to get from her bedroom door to the spot a few feet away from him, she had seen him glance down at his watch twice and shift his weight from foot to foot several times. The fitted grey Henley he was wearing drew her eyes to the lines of his scapula, looking magnificent as they moved when he crossed his arms. Her palms were already feeling clammy with nerves and she had to take a few deep breaths to regain composure. Hearing Jess clear her throat softly behind him, Nick span round. The relief on his face was evident and he gave her a small, sheepish smile as he nodded his head. Jess bit down on the inside of her cheek and allowed herself to return the greeting, nodding back.

"Hey, Miller..."

"Hey, Day..."

They stood still for a few seconds, as if both needing to prepare themselves for whatever awkwardness they might need to overcome after last night. Jess broke the silence first, to both their surprise.

"I, um...I didn't know what the plan was for today, so I wasn't entirely sure what to wear..."

Nick grinned as he took in her blue gingham dress and red ballet pumps.

"It's actually perfect. You'll find out why..." He said, the glint of something mischievous twinkling in his dark brown eyes. Fishing his keys from the large wooden bowl near the couch, he gestured to the front door and asked tentatively "...you ready?"

Jess raised her brows, releasing the puff of air she'd been holding on to with a whoosh.

"As I'll ever be..."

...

The sun beat down without a cloud to shade them, and Nick squinted in the brightness as they rounded the corner. Heading towards a large building, he shielded his eyes and pointed to the small queue of people.

"This will be us." He declared.

Jess followed the direction of his arm and her eyes widened in excitement when she realised what they were walking towards.

"Mardi Gras World?" She asked, face lit up like a kid at Christmas "Are we doing the tour?!" Her voice jumped high and her hands clasped together, feet bouncing her up and down on the spot as Nick nodded, beaming in response to her now effervescent mood. Jess had mentioned this place several times the first few days she was here but hadn't gotten round to coming. He gave an inward sigh of relief that his plan had paid off. Seeing her buzzing with enthusiasm was a wonderful contrast to the way things had ended last night.

He had been a little concerned on the journey over. It wasn't awkward, as such, but it was certainly quiet. Neither one of them entirely sure what topics of conversation were safe or appropriate. Something about the mood of their previous heated words had left them both a little uneasy. But, looking at her now as she skipped them towards the entrance, Nick knew they'd be okay.

He wanted this day to be for her, to make her happy. So he was going to do his best to make it happen.

Collecting their tickets and joining the next tour group waiting to be led through the warehouse, Jess gazed around and caught Nick watching her.

"What?"

"Nothing..."

"You know, I didn't think this would be your kind of thing?" She said softly.

"It's not." He admitted with a small smile "But it  _is_  yours, right?"

"Yes, totally!"

"Well, good..." He ducked his head and looked away, as if slightly embarrassed by his own grand gesture towards her.

Their tour guide arrived - a squat, broad-shouldered older lady called Sally, with round glasses perched on her nose and short, grey hair immaculately styled on her head. As she introduced herself and went through the tour itinerary, Nick and Jess joined the back of the group and stood quietly waiting to set off.

"Hey, Nick?" Jess whispered, standing close enough brush his arm with hers "Thank you."

She nudged him gently with her shoulder and caught the corner of his mouth quirk into a smile as he pretended to pay great attention to Sally's welcome speech.

"You're welcome." he nudged her back, still keeping his eyes fixed on their tour guide and completely missing the way Jess chewed on her bottom lip to fight the pink flush rising in her cheeks.

Huge swathes of multi coloured material were draped across the ceiling of the warehouse, suspended like a rainbow and doing a great job of making the drab interior look a little less industrial. The floats for the next Mardi Gras parade were being attentively worked on by rows of artists. Colours and paints and giant fibre glass creations being constructed, each with its own theme. There were superheroes bursting through walls, kings and queens and jesters throwing custard pies, ten foot high dinosaurs, and witches on broomsticks. You name it, there was a float for it. Nick and Jess followed the group around and diligently paused to stand quietly whilst Sally would break into a monologue behind the thought process and meanings behind each float. Nick would periodically glance out of the corner of his eye to see Jess transfixed by the artists as they worked, and his heart felt undeniably fuller. As they rounded a corner and approached the next half built float, Nick bit back a smile. Their tour guide stopped and showed them the giant heads of The Lion, The Scarecrow, and The Tin Man.

"The Wizard of Oz has always been a favourite theme..." Sally began, sliding her glasses back up on her nose "...and, oh - I can see we have a Judy Garland fan in our midst! How lovely, do step forward dear!"

Jess looked around expectantly, waiting for someone to go and take a twirl in front of the group, then felt the pressure of Nick's hand in the small of her back, and the sudden warmth of his breath by her ear made her stomach leap to her chest as he dipped his head down to her and cleared his throat.

"She's talking to you, Jessica." He snickered.

"What?"

"I told you that outfit was perfect..."

"I hate you!" She hissed quietly to him, before plastering a smile on her face and taking an embarrassed step towards their guide.

"Well, now...this is just wonderful! I do enjoy it when guests go the extra mile when coming on these tours. Give us your best Dorothy twirl, don't be shy."

Jess gave a pained smile and did a little spin, going one step further at the end by throwing in a curtsy and an exaggerated bow to her audience, who clapped enthusiastically. Through the crowd of faces, she saw Nick stood watching her with a grimace - peeping at her through his fingers as one hand partly covered his eyes in chronic second hand embarrassment. As she walked back into the throng of visitors, Jess elbowed Nick sharply in the ribs when she heard him try to swallow a snort of laughter as they set off towards the next float.

"Don't say a word, Nicholas...don't you say a single word!"

...

Exiting the tour building and stepping back into the New Orleans heat, Jess rocked back on her heels and looked across the road. There were street artists performing and small crowds gathering to watch.

"You wanna go check it out, Jess?"

"Sure, looks like fun!"

"Then lead the way..."

They walked and talked about nothing in particular under the midday sun, checking out the entertainers and buskers along the sidewalks showing off their talents and wowing the tourists. Every now and then they'd stop to enjoy a musician and throw some money in an upturned hat. Jess couldn't help herself but sing along to the songs she knew, while Nick stood back and soaked up her enjoyment. This was exactly what he had been hoping for. To see her like this, because  _this_  was the Jess he knew. Still there, under all that sadness. She just needed a helping hand to pull her out the other side.

As the temperature soared, they pressed on towards an ice cream parlour for some much needed refreshment.

"Hey, I realised I never thanked you before..."

"Thanked me?" She sounded confused.

"Yeah. About your advice for my writing."

"Oh! No problem."

"Well, it really helped going back to writing by hand...and you were right about just putting everything down. It's been a lot easier, and I've made some great progress."

"That's great, Nick - I'm so pleased for you."

"I was stuck in a rut. My writer's block was hideous and I don't know if you realised, but it was really bothering me. But now the floodgates have opened and it's like I just can't stop the words coming out, you know? It's awesome and it's all thanks to you, Jess. I couldn't have got here without you."

"Aww, so sweet..." He heard her say, far more quietly than expected. Nick turned his head with a frown and realised Jess wasn't standing next to him at all. She was several feet behind him, crouched on the floor and tickling the chin of a stray tabby cat.

"...you really are, aren't you? Look at you, you're just the sweetest!"

" _Jess?"_

"Oh, sorry Nick. I didn't mean to ignore you but this little guy distracted me. He reminds me so much of Furguson!"

"Hmm...wonderful. Did you hear any of what I just said?"

"Huh? Yeah, sure! You've made great progress. It's awesome, right?"

"Right..." He sighed, folding his arms over his chest and waiting patiently for her to finish petting the cat. Eventually she stood, turning to him with a grin and straightening the hem of her dress.

"Okay, I'm done - I promise. Let's go. And tell me more about your book, Mr Author!"

...

"This has been really fun." Jess smiled as they left the ice cream parlour and sat down on a shaded bench nearby.

"It has, hasn't it?" He grinned back "Even the part where we nearly got thrown out of the Mardi Gras tour..."

"I still can't believe you got stuck in that damn costume!"

"Look, it's long since been established that I have a peculiar shaped head, okay? I can't wear soft hats! It's your fault for forcing it on in the first place."

"I have to admit you did look pretty good as Henry VIII, though. It was worth the telling off!" She laughed, her eyes twinkling in the sunlight and sending a surge of warmth to his heart that he tried his best to ignore.

"So...am I forgiven for upsetting you last night?"

An awkward silence returned as he caught her off guard.

"You didn't...it wasn't..." Jess faltered as he dipped his head and looked pointedly at her "It wasn't completely your fault, Nick. I'm still dealing with some stuff, you know."

"I know. But I handled it all wrong and I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Listen, I'm sorry too. I overreacted."

"No, you were right. It was a dumb, childish thing to do..."

Jess winced when he reminded her of the words she had thrown at him last night.

"I didn't mean what I said, Nick. I was just lashing out."

"No, it's okay...I mean, it's nothing I haven't heard before, right?" His smile was small and sad.

"Did...did Reagan really say that to you?"

Nick shifted his weight back on the seat and sighed. He ruffled a hand through his hair and took another mouthful of ice cream before finally answering.

"Once or twice, yeah."

"Ouch. Trouble in paradise, Miller?" Jess tried to sound light-hearted, but really she was desperate to know what was going on with them.

"Something like that..." His voice was more serious than she'd expected, and the way he was avoiding her gaze told Jess he really did  _not_  want to be talking about his current girlfriend while sat with his ex-girlfriend on a bench in the middle of the street "...I just sometimes wonder if coming out here was the right decision. I'm not sure I belong somewhere like this to be honest."

"Oh, I don't know about that. New Orleans suits you, Nick."

"You think?"

"Yes. I do."

"Well you seem to fit in around here pretty well too, Jess. I mean, the locals clearly love you..." He laughed, nodding to the floor as the cat that had followed them from up the street reappeared and rubbed itself enthusiastically around her legs.

Nick sat back against the bench and crossed his ankle over his knee while Jess finished the rest of her ice cream. They were content to sit in a happy, easy silence and just enjoy the atmosphere as it thrummed around them: street performers getting attention of passers by, smells wafting over from the numerous food carts, sounds of laughter and chatter from tourist groups as they walked along taking in the sights.

An elderly lady approached them slowly and let out a little huff of exhaustion when she reached the seat.

"Would you mind awfully if an old gal rests her weary legs for a while?"

"Not at all!" Jess beamed brightly, and gestured to the spot the other side of Nick.

"You're too kind." The lady nodded and placed her bags on the edge, then lowered herself down almost close enough to be sat in Nick's lap, causing him to give a polite, tight lipped smile as he shuffled closer to Jess. His leg bumped up against her thigh, and his arm was awkwardly pressed into her side.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"It's fine...you're fine." Jess insisted, despite the flutter in her chest that was undeniably distracting. She fought the way her fingers were desperate to rest themselves on his knee, and the yearning in her gut to just lean her weight against him so she could breathe in the scent of that delightful cologne he had decided to wear.

Adjusting his posture quickly, Nick reached his left arm over Jess's head and rested it gently on the back of the bench. He was very careful to avoid touching her, ensuring he was laying his arm as far back as possible - even though it was making his muscle ache from holding the position. He suddenly couldn't stop himself from thinking of all the times they'd sat together at the beach like this while they were dating and wanted some time alone away from the loft. Jess would snuggle right up against him, her head leaning on his shoulder while his arm draped around her back. They would talk about anything and everything - or sometimes nothing at all - and his hand would always stroke itself slowly up and down her side, fingertips brushing themselves across the soft skin of her arm. The sun would set and Jess would always grumble when it was time to leave, because she had said nothing else made her as happy as being in that spot next to him.

Nick felt a small lump of something form in his throat and he couldn't quite tell if it was sadness or longing, but it made him uneasy - so he did the only thing he knew how to and forced it back down with a deep breath, pretending to concentrate on people watching instead.

...

It was late afternoon by the time they had finished walking along the Mississippi River and having both worked up quite an appetite, Nick had promised Jess a meal she would not forget. Intrigued and excited, she allowed herself to be led down the sidewalk with the captivating smells of food filling her nostrils from the numerous popular eateries. She wondered which delightfully quaint restaurant they would end up in, her mouth salivating at the thought of more delicious creole food.

As they came to an abrupt stop, Nick turned to look at her like a puppy who had just peed in his owner's shoes. He was so happy with himself.

"I...thought you were taking me to the 'finest eating establishment in New Orleans'?!"

"I am!"

Jess screwed up her nose as they stood outside the building, gazing up at the sign for 'Dat Dog', the hot dog place Nick had taken them to.

"I'm not usually one to judge, but ' _Dat Dog_ '? Really? What, they couldn't use an extra letter to write the word 'That'? I'm not sure who I'm more disappointed in: them for using poor grammar, or you for bringing me here." Jess moaned with heavy consternation.

Nick shook his head and rolled his eyes, gesturing to the entrance.

"Would you just get in there, please?"

"I'm not sure if the English teacher in me will allow this..."

"You know, I can't  _wait_  for you to eat your words, Jessica." Nick said smugly as he walked them to a table.

Jess continued to frown as she looked at the food choices, with such delights listed as a Bacon Werewolf and the Son of a Saint.

"Just give it a chance, Day. Stop scowling and you'll enjoy it more."

"I'm not scowling!"

"Oh, I beg to differ...you're gonna give yourself wrinkles."

Jess gasped and swatted at him with her menu just as the waitress arrived to take down their order.

"I guess I'll try the crawfish dog, please."

"Great choice!" Approved the tall server "And for you, sir?"

"Jimmy's Chicago Dog, thanks."

"Predictable." Jess muttered under her breath, earning a shove in the shins from his foot.

The waitress thanked them and promised the food would be with them shortly, returning a moment later with their beverages.

"The condiments are just to your left, and the bathrooms are down the end to your right. Can I get you two lovebirds anything else?"

Nick nearly choked as he took a mouthful of his drink, spraying soda over the table in front him and suffering a coughing fit, much to the bemusement of the young lady.

Jess leapt to clear up the confusion as he continued to splutter into his glass.

"We're not a couple!" She blurted out, louder than intended.

"Oh, I'm sorry! No offence intended..." The girl apologised profusely before leaving the table and handing some napkins to Nick, which he took without meeting Jess's gaze.

It took a while of staring over each other's shoulders at nothing and avoiding eye contact before either of them spoke, Nick's voice finally breaking the silence.

"So...I was thinking about Sam earlier..."

Taking a second to sip on her Coke, Jess raised her eyes and shot a warning glance in his direction.

"Please, don't..."

"No, no, hear me out Jess..."

"Fine, but proceed with caution."

"I was thinking last night, about how upset you were and how it was probably my fault_"

"Haven't we moved past this already?"

"Yeah, but let me finish. Okay, so I was thinking all the way back to that time I accused you of using me as a fluffer..." He held up a hand to silence her as she attempted to interrupt him a second time "...and it dawned on me that my asking you here to New Orleans to keep me company in Reagan's absence  _might_  have felt like I was guilty of doing the same thing to you. I honestly didn't think of it that way until yesterday and I feel like a complete dick for not realising it."

There was a moment of quiet.

"I wouldn't knowingly do that to you, Jessica. I just wanted to say that." He rubbed at the back of his neck "Sorry, I'm not great at finding the right words for this kind of situation."

"You're better at it than you think you are..." Jess replied softly.

"And I meant what I said before, by the way. I like having you here." Nick looked at her, face full of sincerity.

She smiled and nodded, unsure how else to react without setting herself up for a fall.

...

They made their way back down past the river, Jess always a few steps in front of Nick as she enjoyed the crowds of people bustling around with the sky turning inky in colour overhead. Every now and then, she would stop to spin and face him, tilting her head with a grin.

"Keep up, Grandpa!"

"I'm trying, but you're skipping so far ahead! Anyone would think you'd never been out around people before..."

"Hey, I'm just enjoying my evening Mr Grumpy Guts." Jess pointed a finger at him, then beckoned for him to catch up to where she stood.

"I'm not complaining..." He laughed as he reached her, brushing his knuckles against her shoulder in a loose fist "...it's nice to see you smiling again, Jess."

She stood and looked at him, taking a deep breath and running her hands across her upper arms, then nodded in agreement. Last night had her on the brink of falling apart, she was so ready to go back to the loft and forget all about her stupid mistake of an idea of coming to visit him. But it was like something was keeping her here, reeling her back in just as she got to the end of her line. Today had been so lovely it would have easy to forget last night ever happened, and she was genuinely bowled over by the effort he had made. Part of her wondered if Nick ever did nice things like this for Reagan, but the thought immediately made her stomach hurt, so she shook it away as quick as it had crept in.

"Maybe if you had some motivation to move faster, you could keep up."

"What did you have in mind?" He quirked a brow and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Last one to the end of the street has to buy the drinks!" Jess hollered, giving him a playful shove backwards and making the dash away from him.

"You dirty cheat!" He yelled back, running after her as best he could.

When he finally reached her at the other end of the street, she was stood panting with her arms held aloft, grinning in victory. Her cheeks were a rosy red from the exertion and Nick struggled to catch his breath as he watched her, not entirely certain it was down to the sudden exercise alone.

"Drinks...on you...Miller!" Jess grinned, leaning against a post for stability.

Nick gasped for air, bent double with his hands braced on his knees. He shook his head and pointed accusingly as her.

"No way, that doesn't count!" He protested.

"Ugh, you're such a sore loser."

"You  _cheated!_ "

"So I got a little head start...your legs are longer than mine - I had to level the playing field!" She giggled and stood upright, her breathing beginning to return to normal.

Running the back of his hand over his brow and groaning as he straightened up, Nick pulled out his wallet and sighed.

"Fine, I'll give you this one..." He grumbled, and made his way towards the nearest bar to grab them a couple of take out drinks.

"Give me?  _Give me?!_ " Jess laughed incredulously in his wake "That sounds like a challenge!"

"Maybe it is..." Nick threw over his shoulder with a smirk as he sauntered away.

...

After Jess finished her celebratory drink, they paused next to the river to take in the view. Nick scuffed a shoe across the ground in front of him absentmindedly, not noticing the glint of two pennies on the floor until he'd kicked them and heard the metallic clink as they bounced upon the sidewalk and hit Jess on the ankle.

"Ow, what the...?"

"Sorry, I didn't see those."

"Ooh, pennies! Don't be sorry!"

"Uh, okay..." Nick's brow furrowed as Jess bent down to scoop up the coins enthusiastically.

"See a penny, pick it up - make a wish, and get good luck!" She sang, gripping them between the thumb and forefinger of each hand.

He rolled his eyes at her and shook his head.

"Oh come on, you don't actually still do that?"

"I'm serious! My Mom always used to get us to make wishes when we found pennies. It's how a lot of my life defining moments materialised."

"Give me a break..." He huffed.

"It's why Bobby Taylor asked me out in 6th Grade, it's how i passed my driving test, it's the way I got my first teaching job and it's the reason I..." She hesitated, pressing her lips together before deciding to continue "...and it's the reason I met you guys at the loft."

"You didn't need a penny to get the room at the loft. The other applicants were well below par, anyone with a salary and their own head of hair would have landed it, to be fair!" He laughed, but she just stood quietly, gazing down at the coin she was holding before lifting her face to his.

"There's magic in the air, Nicholas. You just have to believe..." Jess screwed her eyes closed, and bought the penny to her face, clutching it tightly in both hands as she whispered her wish. Taking a deep breath, she pulled her right arm back as far as she could, and threw the penny into the water. Nick stood and watched, amazed by her almost child-like want for this silly superstition to be real. He hadn't believed in anything like this, ever. Even when he was a kid, he didn't care for this kind of thing - it was mainly down to his realist nature and general outlook on life. He'd learned from a very young age - thanks to Walt - that, sometimes, no matter how badly you hoped for something to happen, crossed your fingers, or wished upon a star...it usually just didn't materialise, and he grew disillusioned with the whole notion of optimism. It was tiring to be continually let down. Not Jess, though. It didn't matter what she'd been through, she never stopped wanting magic. She craved it. Searched for it, almost. He was envious of her ability to think that way, to be honest.

Jess turned to him, a hopeful glint in her eye, and gestured to the remaining penny in her outstretched hand.

"Your turn, Miller."

Nick sucked his lips over his teeth and looked down at her, seeing her face illuminated by the city lights and her hair gently blowing in the very welcome breeze. He decided it couldn't hurt to try, right? Taking it from her silently and muttering a few words into his fist, he made his wish and lobbed the penny as hard as he could, then waited to hear the delicate splash as it entered the water. He looked at her, a half-smile on his face as she gazed up at him, returning the grin before turning back to the view across the river. It was the widest he'd seen her smile all day since the tour. Nick noticed something, then: she was  _happy_. Her blue eyes were shining in the darkness, and the glow of the night sky seemed to give her this strange ethereal aura. He ran the thought over in his mind again. Jess was happy...and  _he_ had made her feel that way.

Him.

No one else, no outside influence.

That made him feel pretty awesome. It had been a while since he had felt like he had any meaningful impact on someone - he and Reagan, they didn't have that same connection. If he tried to impart advice or wisdom to her, it was usually met with an eye roll or a dismissive wave of the hand as she called a friend to talk her problems over instead. Nick tried to be interested in her work, but in all honesty he found it boring. So they didn't talk about much other than general chit chat, and these days it just didn't seem enough. He felt pretty unimportant at times, but must have gotten used to being treated that way, as it never really bothered him much until now. Now that he saw how he  _could_  make someone he cared about feel good.

He wanted to be  _wanted_.

"Now what?" He asked, continuing to stand at her side.

"Now, we wait. We wait...and we hope with everything we have that they come true." She replied softly, without taking her eyes off the river.

Before he had known what he was doing, Nick moved his hand across the few inches of space that remained between them and laced his fingers loosely through hers. Jess almost jumped out of her skin at his unexpected touch, but immediately relaxed when she felt his thumb stroke across her palm, curling her fingers around his and squeezing gently.

And  **that**  is when the realisation hit him like a lightning bolt:  _He missed her._

More than anything in the world, with every cell in his body.

Nick was suddenly very aware that she would be leaving soon to travel back to L.A, and the thought of being alone without Jess again made him feel like the bottom of his world was falling out. As if the Earth was about to stop spinning. Like there was a void in his life which it had become abundantly clear only she would be able to fill.

Jess was stood right next to him, holding his hand...but he  ** _missed_**  her with such force that he nearly couldn't breathe as his chest tightened with the intense wave of emotion.

It almost felt like grief.

Mourning what they had once had. What he was sure they would never get to experience again. Everything he had felt when they had broken up - everything he had tried with all his might to bury - came rushing back to the surface. That crippling pain, the agony of loss...the overwhelming regret that they never tried to fix it.

_Why did they never try to fix it?!_

It hit him like a sledgehammer and he took a step backwards, dropping her hand as he suddenly felt light headed.

"Nick, what's wrong? Are you okay?' Jess's voice was concerned. She leant over him, fingers gripping his shoulder as he knelt on the ground trying to steady himself. The blood was whooshing loudly in his ears, making her sound like she was calling to him from the end of a long tunnel.

'I...I don't know..." Nick stammered, breathing erratic and his heart beating like a drum inside his chest.

Oh god, he thought he might pass out.

He was hot and clammy but could feel the goosebumps prickling down his skin, making him shiver.

"I'm sorry, Jess. Do you mind if we go back to the apartment? I'm not feeling so good..."

 

...

...


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE:

 

"Here, I made you some eggs." Jess said softly, laying a plate down in front of Nick as he sat at the small table of the balcony. His eyes were bloodshot, like he hadn't slept, and his hair was doing that little cowlick thing at the side despite the numerous times she'd seen him try to flatten it down with his hand when she looked out from the kitchen earlier.

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry..." He offered a tiny smile as he took another sip of the black coffee he'd been nursing for half an hour.

Jess was certain it must be cold by now.

She sighed and sat down in the other seat, hands wrapped around her mug of tea which was held close to her chest as she waited for it to cool enough to drink.

They'd gone straight back to the apartment last night, as soon as Nick was able to catch his breath and finally stand steady on his legs. He'd barely said a word the entire journey home, eyes glazed over and a vacant stare plastered on his face. Perspiring so much that he was frequently having to use the back of his hand to swipe at his forehead. He'd seemed jittery when they walked through the door - on edge. Totally at odds with the chilled out, relaxed vibe they'd been enjoying all evening up to that point. Jess desperately wanted to ask him what was the matter, but he disappeared quickly in the direction of his room with a muttered apology about needing to lie down. He'd glanced at her briefly before his exit and she'd noticed the weight of something troublesome written all over his face.

He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Did you even sleep?" Jess ventured, taking a gulp of her tea and doing her best not to look directly at him.

"Sure."

" _Really?_ "

"A little..." He admitted, pressing his knuckles into his eyelids and rubbing slowly while he yawned.

She'd heard him leave his room at 2 a.m and clatter around in the kitchen, hushed curses from down the hall as he presumably tried to find a mug in the cupboard. Jess had lain on her back staring at the ceiling once she'd gone to bed. It was no surprise she was struggling to sleep herself, her fingers tracing the palm of her left hand where his thumb had stroked a path just hours before. Her mind whirred at a hundred miles an hour, trying to figure out if there was more to that gesture than just a tender moment between friends.

Friends.

Because that's what they were now.  _Great_  friends, but... **friends**  none-the-less.

She wanted it to be more. It felt like it might have been more, but what if she was just projecting her desperation for it to be true, and noticing things that weren't actually there at all? He had a girlfriend. A beautiful, successful girlfriend who maybe took him for granted...but surely if Nick was feeling even an ounce of the way Jess was, something would have happened way before now? They'd been alone in the apartment for nearly three weeks. Drunk and alone  _several_  times.

There was a fleeting minute where she came close to wandering out to the kitchen herself, to confront him and ask outright what the hell he thought he was doing holding her hand like that with no warning. Making her stomach flip and her insides quiver.

How fucking dare he.

But then Jess remembered his panicked breathing as he'd dropped to the floor, the way she had practically been able to hear his heart pounding in his chest on the ride home, the broken look on his face before he went to bed, and she felt awful for even contemplating it. Now was probably not the time. Grunting to herself and draping her arms over her face, Jess tossed and turned, eventually ending up facing the window. She'd sighed and looked out to the stars - like pinpricks on a dark canvas - and wished she could work out what the hell was going on.

"Breakfast would do you good, get your strength up." Jess nudged the plate back towards him with her right hand and Nick exhaled heavily, turning his head to face her with a look of resignation. He picked up the fork and loaded it with scrambled eggs.

"Fine, I'll eat." Nick rolled his eyes at her satisfied grin "But will you please stop fussing? It was nothing!"

"It was  _not_  nothing!" Jess told him sternly "You gave me quite the scare - I sure hope you've made a Dr's appointment."

"I told you last night, there's no need."

"I won't take no for an answer, Nick. You need to go and get checked over. I'm worried about you..."

" _Worried_  about me?" He groaned through a mouthful of food.

"Yeah, I'm a little worried about you! You were up before me this morning Nicholas - that hasn't happened since I first arrived here. I thought maybe you'd peed the bed or something..." She lowered her head to drink her tea when he scowled at her "Have you, uh...does Reagan know?"

Jess saw the muscles tighten in his jaw, arm pausing in mid air as he was about to eat another forkful of eggs.

"No." He replied tersely "It's no big deal."

"You should probably call her, maybe she even knows a good doctor?"

Nick set his fork down loudly, taking a deep breath and looking like he was trying not to boil over with frustration.

"Will it get you off my damn back if I go down to the medical centre today?"

"It would." Jess nodded "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Absolutely not." He shook his head vehemently "I don't need my hand holding, I'm a full grown man - and quit looking at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like you're waiting for me to crack open and spill my guts."

"Hey, I'm just out here drinking tea and making eggs, Miller..."

...

Nick's head leaned back against the inside of the elevator, his eyes closing as he dragged a hand down his face, fingers lingering on the three day old scruff he was sporting. Huffing out a large breath when the doors finally opened, he stepped into the hall and stood hesitantly outside the apartment entrance. The words of the Doctor replayed in his head:

_'Everything you have described to me indicates symptoms of a textbook panic attack, Mr Miller. Have you had any stressful events occur in your life recently? Any unexpected news, or overwhelming encounters?"_

Of course, he had lied and said no. He's not quite sure why, perhaps because he was too scared at the time that admitting it to himself would make it all the more real. Nick was pretty certain the Doctor didn't believe him anyway, and he was sent away with some anti anxiety pills along with a leaflet of self-help techniques for coping with panic attacks - which was hastily folded up and shoved unceremoniously into his back pocket. As he was about to leave the consulting room, he was handed one last piece of advice:

_'In my experience, Mr Miller, panic attacks bought on by certain sudden life encounters will usually continue to plague you until you're able to address the situation that evokes the feelings in the first place.'_

Resting his arms against either side of the door frame, Nick cricked his neck from side to side and took a deep breath. He could try and be rational about it, try to compartmentalise and explain last night away as a culmination of being lonely here in New Orleans, and spending too much time together with Jess in a false reality.

But if he was honest with himself - truly honest - he knew better.

One thing he was certain about was that he did not want to be a coward in this situation. He wasn't going to run from it - he'd made that mistake far too many times before, and one of those ended up being the biggest regret of his life.

Groaning at the enormity of the situation, Nick fumbled in his pocket for his keys and slid them slowly into the lock. Entering the apartment and clicking the door shut quietly behind him, he heard Jess in the kitchen singing to herself. He couldn't stop the smile from twitching on his lips, and decided in that moment that he needed to tell her about what happened last night. Right now. He couldn't hide something like this from her, it was too big to lie about - and Nick didn't think he even wanted to.

Walking towards the music, he kicked his shoes off and threw his keys into the wooden bowl on the side table next to the couch. The radio was so loud, Jess hadn't heard him come in - she was stood with her back to him, mixing bowls and remnants of cake batter scattered around her. The apron she was wearing appeared covered in flour, and her hair was pulled up into a loose bun, drawing his eyes to the graceful curve of her neck as she dipped her head to check on the muffins she'd placed in the oven. He swallowed thickly, and realised the fact he was stood watching her in silence might look a little creepy if she turned round to see him before he'd made his presence known.

"Hey, Jess..." Nick called, finding himself unheard over the song. Reaching over to turn the radio down, he tried again "...Jess?"

"Oh, hey Nick!" She beamed, turning around and dusting her hands together before blowing a stray strand of hair away from her eyes "I'm baking 'get well' muffins!"

"I noticed." He smiled, stepping closer and leaning back against the fridge.

"You okay? You're looking at me kinda funny."

"I am?"

"Yeah, like I'm not sure if you wanna hug me or hit me!"

"No, it's just...you have..."

"I have what?"

"There's flour on your face." He explained, pointing at her.

"Oh! Where? Here?" She giggled and swiped at her cheek.

"No, it's..." Nick stepped away from the fridge and walked forward until he was stood in front of Jess, his thumb quickly rubbing said flour from the end of her nose "...it's right here." He said quietly, not moving out of her space even though his presence there was no longer required.

"Thanks." She whispered, not breaking his gaze.

"Don't mention it."

The sudden, urgent beeping of a kitchen timer jerked Jess's attention back towards the oven and she all but leapt away from him to remove the baking tray.

"I need to get these..."

"Jessica, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Uhh, sure...can it wait a second? Don't want them to burn!" Her voice trilled in an awkwardly high-pitched tone.

Nick plastered a tight smile on his face and nodded. What was a few more minutes when it had already taken him forever to figure his shit out, anyway?

"Yeah." He breathed, tucking his hands in to his pockets and shuffling out of the kitchen "Yeah, it can wait. I'm just gonna go grab a quick shower then, I guess."

"Have fun!" Jess called after him, grimacing at how stupid she sounded.

...

Grabbing a towel from the back of the chair in his room, Nick flung it over his shoulder and threw his phone down on the bed as he rooted in the drawer for his shaver. Plucking it from underneath a pile of unmatched socks, he picked out a clean change of clothes and headed to the bathroom to freshen up, returning ten minutes later smelling like a baby in a damn meadow. Glancing at himself in the mirror, Nick ran both hands down his newly shaven face. He'd felt sick to his stomach whilst in the shower, trying to rehearse the words he wanted to say to Jess. He was nervous. It was like going back to the start all over again, and he really wasn't sure how she was going to react. Might she think him completely inappropriate and get angry? Tell him he's an asshole who already had his chance? Or, worse still...be totally neutral to his admission?

Steeling himself for the conversation, Nick turned to leave but saw a notification flash up on his phone.

_(1) NEW VOICEMAIL: REAGAN_

Frowning, he sat on the edge of his bed and pressed the button to listen to the message.

_'Hey Nick, it's me. I'm just calling to say I'm sorry I can't get a flight back to see you tomorrow. I heard you're not well, but my schedule is slammed with this conference and I can't cancel the meetings I've worked weeks to get - you know how it is! Anyway, I have the number for a great doctor in the area, so let me know if you need it and I'll set up an appointment for you. I hope Jess is taking good care of you. Ciao!'_

He sat in silence, too stunned to move. What the hell was that? Throwing his phone on to the bed, Nick stood and paced his room a few times before flinging the bedroom door open and striding into the living area.

"That was quick." Jess called over her shoulder as she heard him approach "But your timing couldn't be better, I just plated up the muffins! So, what did the doctor sa_"

She turned around, stopping still when her eyes landed on his none-too-happy face.

"Funny story - I just had a voicemail from Reagan while I was in the bathroom..." Nick's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head slightly while rounding on her as she stood looking guilty in the kitchen "...Jess? Why did I have a voicemail from Reagan?"

His voice was low and measured, but the understated rage within his words was evident.

Holding the plate of cakes close to her chest and letting her eyes fall to the ground, she mumbled something quietly at the floor.

"You what?"

"I  _might_  have called her this morning after breakfast..." Jess's voice was meek and full of apology.

"Damn it, you can't just..." He slammed a hand down on the counter, and Jess saw him stop to take a deep breath to calm himself. Nick gritted his teeth, fingers gripping the edge of the work surface trying to quell his frustration "...you can't just go around calling people up on my behalf, Jessica - it's not your place! I'm a big boy, if I wanted to call her I would have done it myself."

"I'm sorry, Nick. I was just trying to help, with you not being well and all..."

"God, will you stop? I'm  _fine_."

"What happened to you last night was far from fine - I thought something was seriously wrong with you! Look, I'm not sure what the hell is going on with you and Reagan right now, or why you hadn't told her, but I just thought as your  _girlfriend_ , she would want to know - she should be here_"

" **That's not your call to make!** " He snapped angrily, making her jump. His arms flung heavenwards "Jesus, Jess. Why don't you  _get_  that? You're always trying to  _fix_  things, you can never just leave well enough alone!"

"Alright! I said I'm sorry, okay?" Jess bit back, becoming more than a little pissed off at his temper "I thought I was doing the right thing - clearly I wasn't, but don't worry - you've certainly enlightened me to the error of my ways!"

She put the plate of muffins down heavily on the counter and pulled her apron off in haste, shoving past him as she exited the kitchen, her shoulder coming in to contact with his arm as he stood with hands on hips.

Picking her bag up from the couch, she walked quickly towards the door.

"Oh, come on! Where are you going?"

"Away from you..."

"I'm not done talking, Jess!" He walked after her hurriedly.

"Yeah? Well too bad, Nick. Because I am. I'm sorry I tried to look out for you, I won't do it again -enjoy the damn muffins."

Jess closed the door emphatically behind her and he knew better than to try and follow.

 

...

...


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN:

 

For the second time in three days they had argued, and for the second time in three days Jess had stormed off - leaving Nick in her wake to stare helplessly at the empty spot where she had stood.

But this time was different, because he knew exactly why she had walked out. She was pissed at him for being angry with her, but Nick was feeling aggrieved too.

Why did Jess have to think she knew better? Why did she  _always_  second guess him?

Of course he hadn't called Reagan, what was he going to say?

' _Oh, hey - just thought you should know I'm still in love with Jess. Yeah, yeah, came as a bit of a surprise to me too. The realisation knocked me to my feet, actually!'_

He'd wanted to speak to Jess first and tell her what had happened, give her the chance to process what he had to say. For all he knew, it might have had her running for the airport. Back to the protective arms of Cece, who would then give him a swift kick in the nuts on his return to the loft for daring to say something so outrageous while Jess was still going through so much.

He'd had a plan. Sort of.

But now it was ruined because Jessica Day just couldn't keep her meddling paws out of it. She couldn't bear to let him do things his way for once and actually  _listen_  to him when he said he didn't want to call Reagan. Now he was stood in silence by himself, the smell of her baking still filling his nostrils. Nick let his head fall to his chest, grunting and balling his hands in to fists, seething with frustration that had nowhere else to go.

He walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer, slamming the door shut afterwards. After angry-walking around the apartment a few times, Nick finally slumped forward on a stool at his writers bar. This was a mess, there was no denying it. He had no idea how to tell Jess the truth now without making things even weirder. His chest felt tight again, stomach threatening to make him throw up. Nick rested his head in both hands and sighed.

He wished he had something simple wrong with him, like broken bone. A physical ailment easily treated. It would be a lot easier to deal with than the internal turmoil he was currently experiencing. It felt like he was in a zero gravity machine - insides all over the place, not quite able to get his bearings. So he downed his bear and went to get another, numbing his upset the only way he knew that worked. As he sat back down, he found himself reaching for his pen and opening his notebook to the last chapter of The Pepperwood Chronicles. Striking a line through the entire thing, Nick flipped the page and started over. He didn't stop writing for several hours, and even when his fingers were cramping, Nick couldn't stop until the final words were written on the page. He sat and stared at the paper, his completed final chapter staring back at him. The enormity of his achievement bubbled in his chest and made him smile from ear to ear, but his elation was short lived when he looked over his shoulder, realising he had no one to share this moment with. Sinking forward to rest on his forearms like a balloon being slowly deflated, Nick checked his phone hopefully for a missed call or message from Jess - there were none. She'd been gone for longer than he was expecting, and it was driving him crazy having the half finished conversation floating around in his head.

Getting a third beer, Nick made his way out on to the balcony where he sat in the partial shade at the table. He was starting to really like it out there, and wondered why he had allowed himself to be so easily dissuaded from using it by Reagan. Looking out at the view, he took a swig from his bottle, crossing his legs at the ankle and breathing in the warm air. Nick smiled as his eyes came to land on the window boxes lining the railings. The plants that had looked so forlorn and withered a few weeks ago were now standing tall in the sunshine. Their petals were full and bright, and even he could admit it made him feel happy seeing the splash of colours greet him as he drank his coffee every morning.

He'd thought they were all but dead, but Jess persisted. She tended to them, gave them water and lots of TLC. It dawned on Nick that he and Reagan were much like the flowers on the balcony - neither one of them were putting the work in to make the relationship flourish. They were wilting fast, and the only person who'd noticed enough to try and help was Jess. Gulping his beer, Nick exhaled painfully slowly, groaning at the guilt that was starting to chew on his insides. He knew deep down that Jess had only been trying to help when she called Reagan, she wasn't to know the reason behind why Nick didn't want to speak to his girlfriend. He had been doing his usual act of trying to avoid confrontation at all costs, but all it served to do was create tension and ill-feeling with Jess instead. Things couldn't continue the way they were. Something had to give.

Time to put on the big boy pants, Nicholas.

Giving himself a short, sharp slap on each cheek, he reached for his phone and scrolled until he reached Reagan's name.

"Hey, it's me. Yeah, it's okay. I'm fine...but, I think we need to talk..."

...

By the time Nick was on his sixth beer, the buzz of inebriation was truly setting in, and Jess was still not home. He had a ball in his stomach that was one part worry, one part anticipation, and one part hunger.

The hunger prevailed.

Wandering over to the kitchen, he started rifling through the cupboards for something to eat before remembering the muffins Jess had made earlier that day. He stood in front of the plate and stared at it, hand lingering millimetres away, as if he was too afraid to touch them. Like he didn't deserve to taste the cakes she'd made for him with love. His grumbling stomach eventually got the better of him, and Nick carried the plate to the couch along with another couple of beers tucked in the crook of his arm. He was fast losing hope of Jess coming back tonight - maybe she'd booked into a hotel somewhere for time to calm down. There was nothing else for him to do but get drunk and wallow in his turmoil. Flopping down onto the cushions, he couldn't help but think only of Jess. All he wanted to do right now was see her face. He needed to look into her eyes and try to explain himself, somehow. He'd already had one difficult conversation this evening, might as well strike while the iron was hot.

Eating half a muffin in one go, he closed his eyes and let his head lean back against the couch. His mind took him back to the day when the air conditioning broke and they'd spent the afternoon watching films in their blanket fort. And then again to the early hours of the morning after that when they'd been hideously drunk and she'd fallen asleep on his lap as they sat talking nonsense in the living area. Jess would never know that he'd lain there watching her curled up with her head on his legs looking so peaceful and serene. Taking in the way her eyelashes were so long they almost touched her cheeks, and finding himself leaning forward to zip her up in his hoodie so she didn't get cold. He'd gazed at her until he'd passed out himself, head swimming in thoughts he was sure he shouldn't be having about his ex-girlfriend.

Suddenly he felt like the dumbest fucking guy on earth not to have been paying attention to the things he had started to feel again over the past few weeks.

_Of course_  it was Jess.

It had always been her.

Dragging a hand down his face at his own idiocy, Nick took a large mouthful from his bottle and followed it up with the other half of the muffin in his lap. His cheeks were full of delightful, chocolatey-sweetness when he heard the apartment door open. Sitting up instantly, he saw Jess waltz through into the kitchen. His mind wanted him to scream 'I love you' after her, but his ability to speak was thankfully rendered impossible by the huge mouthful of chocolate muffin he was chewing on.

"You're back!" He was finally able to force out, crumbs spewing from his lips.

"Can't get rid of me that easy." Jess smiled, steadying herself on the counter and making Nick realise she maybe wasn't completely sober either.

He slurped some beer quickly to wash down the cake.

"Jess, I'm really sorry about earlier. I was hoping we could talk_"

"It's fine, Nick. No need. I was thinking about it a lot and it's like you said, I overstepped - you were right to call me out on it." She waved a hand and stepped further in to the kitchen, reaching high for a glass.

"You were trying to help. I get that now, okay? Look, I really do need to speak to you but first just let me say that I shouldn't have lost my temper with you." He said apologetically "Now you've ended up having to spend the day by yourself and I feel really bad_"

"Oh, I wasn't by myself."

"You weren't?"

 

"No. I was with Jeremy." Jess turned to search the wine rack for something pink.

"Who...who's Jeremy?" There was no hiding the surprise in his voice. If she didn't know better, Jess would be sure there was an air of jealousy coming from him right now.

" _Jeremy_  is a tour guide at the National World War II Museum that I've just spent hours exploring! I've honestly had  _such_  a great afternoon. That place is awesome..." There was a sly smirk on her face that Nick couldn't see from where he sat. Of course, what she wasn't going to tell him was that Jeremy was also a 64 year old married grandfather of four. She was owed one tiny moment of fun to make up for the way he had made her feel earlier by being a complete asshole. Seeing him unexpectedly bothered by this was fun...

"Yeah?" He asked, starting to feel his bravado fading. The window of opportunity to bring up last night and the situation with Reagan was slowly slipping from his grasp. The seed of doubt was already sprouting roots in his mind.

"Yes!" Jess enthused, all but skipping to sit beside him on the couch. She beamed when she saw a lone muffin laying on the plate that Nick had put on the coffee table "Aww, you saved me one?! Thanks!"

"Uh, sure..." He couldn't help but feel slightly confused by this super happy version of Jessica Day that had walked through the door. She should still be at least a little annoyed at him. Should still want to thrash things out with a deep and meaningful conversation about his feelings and the reasons behind him not calling Reagan. This chirpy, tipsy, giggly Jess sat before him was more than a little unnerving "...so, this Jeremy guy?"

"Oh, yeah! He was the sweetest. He volunteers there, and he saw me walking around by myself so offered to give me a guided tour. One on one history lesson, how cool is that?" Jess picked at the muffin.

"Sounds just  _swell_. So it was just the two of you? No other visitors?" Nick was alarmingly aware of the slithery vines of jealously creeping their way up from his gut. He was being ridiculous and he knew it.

"Yup. I must have gotten lucky and turned up at just the right time, huh? You know, he was so knowledgable about the local area, too. I learned a lot today, Nick. A lot. Jeremy was really interested in helping me get in to the history of New Orleans.

"The only thing he was interested in was getting in to your pants..." Nick said belligerently, a sneer on his lips as he chugged on his bottle.

"Nick!"

He merely shrugged at her.

"Anyway. The museum closes at 5:00pm - it's now 8:30pm. Where've you been?"

"Treated myself to a few pink wines in one of those tacky bars down on Bourbon Street you wouldn't go to with me!"

"Hmm. Explains a lot." He says, nodding to the way she's wolfing down the muffin in her hand.

"Well, I'd worked up quite a thirst after those amazing fries I had at the museum!"

"Come again?"

"The truffle fries that they serve there - they're the most amazing thing I have ever had in my mouth!"

Nick opened his lips to make a smart-ass comment but swiftly changed his mind upon seeing Jess glare at him.

"I've honestly never heard of them. Let me guess, did Jeremy recommend them?!"

"He did, as a matter of fact but...oh my god Nick - I swear, these fries: better than sex!"

"Well, then you're having sex with the wrong guys, Jessica." Nick laughed drunkenly and shook his head at her.

"No...I mean it, these were so good.  _Sooo good!_ "

'I sure hope it's not  _all_  sex that you're referring to? I mean, ours was pretty spectacular - if I do say so myself."

Jess snorted at his assumption and took a glug of wine as he continued.

"Clearly, it was the best you've ever had, and it cannot be surpassed by a tray of freakin' fries!"

The beers had given his eyes a shiny glaze and made his smile become the lazy, lop-sided type that still caused her heart to shudder in her chest. Jess cleared her throat and imitated the sound of ringing before reaching into her bag, his brows meeting slowly in confusion as she did. Lifting her phone to her ear, she pretended to answer.

"Hello? Oh, yes...sure, he's here...uh-huh...one moment, please." Leaning towards him and resting her wrist on his knee, she continued "Excuse me, Mr Modesty? It's for you..."

Unable to contain the laughter at her own joke, she guffawed loudly and he sat forward to give her a playful shove back in the direction she came from. Tipsy from the numerous glasses of wine she had already consumed, Jess flopped back to sit against the cushions. Giggling, she watched Nick prop himself upright to mirror her pose. He regarded her with his best 'I'm-drunk-but-also-trying-to-be-serious' face.

"Look, Jess - I'm just going from your own words, okay? I was your sexual awakening, you said so yourself! It's fine to admit it..."

She scoffed loudly " _What?!_ "

"In fact, I believe the exact description you used was that you were like a 'young nun' - and I was your 'sexy Monsignor'"

Jess's mind flew back to that time early on in their relationship, where they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Just a brush of his waist as he passed her in the kitchen, or a loaded look across the dining table would have them sneaking off to their bedrooms - or occasionally the bathroom, much to Schmidt's disgust - to rip each other's clothes off and have mind blowing sex. And mind blowing it  **had**  been. Toe scrunchingly  _fucking awesome_ , if she was honest about it. Just thinking about the act with him was causing her to get riled up.

Damn it, Nick was right.

She looked away and sipped her wine - suddenly feeling her mouth go dry.

"Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about. Shut up."

"You're not denying it, so you know it's true!" He pointed a finger and twirled it, causing her to swat his hand away and roll her eyes dramatically. This fuelled Nick further, and he cocked his head to one side "Can't argue with the facts, Day. We were so good together.  _Sooo good_!"

"I see what you did there. Well done, you..."

"Just admit it - our sexy times were the best of the best! Especially that night you wore my Bulls jersey...fireworks all round, am I right?" He was looking at Jess, a big smirk on his face - goading her.

She knew exactly what he was doing. Tapping her nails rhythmically on the empty wine glass still in her hand, Jess plastered a neutral expression across her features and looked at him pointedly.

"Oh yes. The night I played you like a fiddle? Of course! How could I forget?"

" _Played me like a fiddle?!_  You're delusional, Jessica..."

Putting on a whiny voice, she mimicked him perfectly

"Jess? You win! I wanna take you - respectfully!"

"Oh, please - you couldn't wait to rip my clothes off. You wanted it just as much as I did!" He narrowed his eyes.

She raised a brow and gave a shrug of her shoulders.

"I knew it! That  _was_  our best night ever!" Nick laughed smugly and downed the rest of his beer, leaning forward to place the empty bottle in front of the couch and picking up another.

"Maybe for you..." Jess muttered.

"Ha! Okay. So what, pray tell, do  _you_  think was our best?" He questioned, turning his body as he sat back, looking at her head on. Avoiding his gaze, she fell quiet and chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"Ah, too many to choose from, right? That's okay - I can wait. I've got all night..." Resting his shoulder against the back of the couch where it brushed against hers, Nick rubbed his hands together and grinned '...take your time. I can give some suggestions if you like?"

Ignoring the fact Jess hadn't responded, he brazenly pressed on "Our pit stop on the way to Mexico? That time in the store room at the bar? Ohhh...Glove City?"

Jess shifted uncomfortably, feeling his eyes burning into her face. This was entering dangerous territory and even though she was the wrong side of drunk and  **totally**  twirly, she wasn't sure if this was the best idea to keep going with this weird act of flirting between them.

"It  _definitely_  wasn't The Captain..." Nick cringed at the memory.

"You know what? I really don't know if we should be talking about this right now, Nick..."

"The Captain? Yeah, you're right. Best leave that one buried, huh?"

"No. Not  _that..._ "

"Then what?"

She looked at him and he saw the silent plea in her eyes begging for him to stop pushing.

_Oh..._

Message received:  _She wants me to back off._

Realising he had overstepped the mark, and made her uncomfortable by maybe misreading the signals in his own drunken mess of conflicting emotions, Nick nodded an apology and moved himself across slightly to reinstate a gap between their bodies. Neither spoke for the next few minutes, they remained sat side by side just letting the music in the background wash over them and fill the silence. The song playing had ended and then Jess heard the first bars ring out of 'Until We Get There' by Lucius. She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat as the lyrics fell in to the space between them...

_What do you say_

_Is this the time_

_For one more try_

_At a happy life_

Placing her wine glass on the table, Jess sat back down and turned to face Nick. She didn't want him to think that her memories of their times together weren't great ones - hell, she'd been reliving them in her mind on a loop for weeks on end. Wishing, hoping,  _praying_  they wouldn't be the only ones they'd ever have.

Not giving her inner Cece time to protest, Jess took a deep breath and her voice came out small - but he heard it well enough.

"Our first time..."

Jess noticed Nick's adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed a gulp of his beer, before returning it to the table and slowly turning to face her. His eyes carried a mixture of surprise at her answer and fondness at the memory. He responded softly, almost as quietly as her admission.

"Yeah?"

She nodded silently, tucking her knees up to her chest and wrapping an arm in front of them protectively. Her gaze fell from his as she continued to speak. It felt like right now was the first time Jess had been honest with herself - or him - since she had arrived in New Orleans.

"Yeah...I'd never felt more wanted in my entire life than I did in that moment with you..."

Her words caused something inside him to snap. There was little resistance left in him, to be fair, and it was never going to take a lot to break the barrier. But hearing her say that? Hearing what that moment meant to her...it was everything.

Reaching a hand up to her face without thinking, Nick felt his heart skip a beat when Jess closed her eyes at his touch. He stroked a finger lightly down her cheek, landing under her chin where he tilted her head upwards, urging her to look at him. When she allowed herself to meet his gaze, Jess sucked in a deep breath and held on to it, scared that letting it go might just be forceful enough to blow away this fragile moment suspended in mid air between them. With his finger still propping her head up, Jess swallowed as she saw Nick lean in to cautiously. When she didn't flinch, he smiled softly, his face growing closer to hers by the second.

"Nick, I..." She whispered, but the words were captured by his mouth as he landed his lips on hers. Jess sighed into the warmth of him, tasting the beer on his tongue as she opened her mouth to his. It was slow and gloriously tender - his lips gliding over hers, urging her to let him deepen the kiss as he shifted his weight forward.

Nick was drunk about three beers ago, but he knew this wasn't the alcohol acting on his behalf. He wanted this.

Moving forward, he slid an arm around Jess's waist and felt her breath catch as his fingers grazed the bare skin just under the hem of her shirt. He felt her relent and pull him down to the couch with her, lips not once leaving his until he broke the kiss off in a desperate gasp for air.

Nick paused briefly as he loomed over her, a flash of hesitation playing across his face. He searched her features for any uncertainty, any sign that she didn't want this as much as him, but Jess just hooked her fingers under the edge of his shirt and gently tugged to bring him closer. Lowering himself, his body pressed her down into the couch cushions and Jess couldn't fail to notice how aroused he was through the thin cargo material of his shorts. She gripped his waist with one hand, the other reaching up to the back of his neck as she kissed him feverishly. Nick responded by moving his mouth to suck at her neck and rolling his hips against her slowly, the friction driving a surge of pleasure to her core, making her ache with want and - truth be told - she could barely hold herself back as their kisses grew more frantic. It was all tongues and lips, teeth nipping at each other's skin and leaving marks as they were overcome with a sudden, unbearable lust.

She wanted him...badly, despite the voice of Cece screaming caution in her mind.

Oh, how she wanted him.

Nick's hand was sliding it's way up her thigh when a sudden, persistent vibration buzzed near his crotch. The disorientation fuelled by booze and 'twirliness' meant it took them both a few seconds to realise it was his phone ringing in his pocket.

"It's probably just Schmidt..." Nick panted, one arm propping himself up and trying to reach into his shorts to grab it "...he likes to call to say goodnight. At first it was sweet, but now I worry we've made it a permanent fixture in our friendship."

He grinned triumphantly as he finally managed to extract the phone, but fell quiet when he looked at the screen. Staring at it blankly for a moment, he felt Jess shift under him slightly and clicked it off quickly before placing it face down on the coffee table.

"What's wrong? Who was it?" She asked, concerned by his reaction.

"Nothing, it's...it's no one..."

Jess sat up quickly and pushed him back on his heels, hand covering her kiss swollen mouth in realisation.

"Oh, God. It was  _Reagan_ , wasn't it?"

Nick's eyes closed, a heavy sigh escaping his mouth. His silence was all the confirmation she needed.

"Shit." She whispered "What are we doing?"

Scrambling to her feet, she wriggled her legs from under him.

"This is, this is  **wrong**!"

"Jess, wait..."

"No. This isn't right...we can't..." She was already stepping away from him with tears in her eyes when he reached out for her.

"You don't understand, let me expla_"

Not pausing for breath, Jess continued shakily "...you have a  _girlfriend_. And I just...I'm  **not**  going to be the one to make you cheat on her, Nick. I can't be  _that_  person..."

She backed away from his outstretched hand so quickly that her calves banged into the coffee table, then span on her heel and rushed down the hall to her room.

"Jessica, stop - please! It's not..." Nick leapt up and strode after her, seeing her disappear behind the door as it slammed shut "...what you think."

He tried the doorknob, but she'd locked herself in. Resting his head heavily against the wood, Nick tried knocking carefully.

"Jess...?" He pleaded, but was met with nothing but silence. Turning on the spot, he slid to the floor with a bump not realising he was unintentionally mirroring the position Jess was sitting in on the other side of the door.

Nick placed his head in his hands before slamming a fist against the floor in anger at himself.

What the  _fuck_  did he just do?

 

...

...


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN:

 

It had been a long time since Jessica Day had tip-toed from her bedroom to sneak out.

A very long time.

She can remember it clearly: She was 16 years old and Dylan Cooper had asked her to meet him on the football field at school. Cece was waiting outside for her at midnight after 'borrowing' her mother's car. Jess felt like a complete badass as she had reached the front door, inches from freedom, only to get the fright of her life when Joan had switched the hall light on from the other end, catching her red handed.

She was grounded for a month.

This time, it was 5:30am and there was no way in hell she was coming face to face with Nick after last night. Jess knew it wasn't a particularly adult thing to do, and was well aware that she was now making a habit of walking out on him, but the thought of seeing him right now made her nauseous.

Taking slow, exaggerated steps down the hall like some kind of Disney villain and holding her breath as she heard the floor creak when she passed Nick's room, she looked around for her bag. Walking over to the couch, Jess had to swallow hard at the scene that met her. Everything was as it was the moment she'd backed away: her wine glass, his empty beer bottles, the plate dusted with muffin crumbs. Even the cushions that had fallen to the floor during their drunken tryst were still lying there forlornly. Stepping forward and kneeling to pick them up, she was stopped in her tracks when the sight of Nick's upturned phone on the coffee table greeted her. Jess felt sick, and had to make a conscious effort not to heave. Getting to her feet quickly, she grabbed for her bag and made a silent dash to the door, closing it softly behind her with the faintest of clicks.

Jess had no idea where she was going. None at all. She pounded the pavements for quite some time in the early morning light, enjoying the slightly cooler temperature on her skin. Eventually she happened across a small diner that was open for breakfast, and stepped inside to order herself a strong coffee. It was all she could stomach, her appetite had deserted her completely.

Settling herself in a booth tucked away at the back, Jess took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. Her hands were slightly shaky, but she couldn't tell if that was from adrenaline or lack of sleep. Despite her best efforts not to, she just couldn't stop thinking about last night.

The way time had seemed to stop still as Nick's head leaned towards her.

The taste of his tongue in her mouth.

The way his skin felt beneath her fingers as she'd stroked his neck while his body pressed against her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm the thudding of her heart in her chest. Jess reached for her phone and dialled desperately.

"C'mon...pick up, pick up, pick up..."

"Hello?" Came the groggy answer on the end of the line.

"Oh, Cece, thank god you're up!"

"I'm not. It's 4am. I was asleep - like most normal people..."

"Crap. I'm so sorry, I just needed to speak with you. I'm freaking out..."

"Jess? What's the matter, sweetie - is everything okay?"

"Nick  _kissed_  me!"

There was a long, stunned silence.

"Cece? Are you there? I said Nick kissed me!"

"Yeah, I heard you Jess - I was just checking my calendar to see if I'd woken up in friggin' 2012! What the  _hell_  is going on over there?"

"I don't know." she whined "But, I know I kissed him back, and then I ran away...God, this is such a mess, and I have no idea what to do!"

Jess heard muffled talking in the background, followed by Cece whisper-shouting to Schmidt.

" _Nick and Jess kissed!_ "

"They  **what**?!" He squealed.

"I'm still here guys, this is not helping!"

"Okay, okay hang on. I'm putting you on loudspeaker..." Cece said.

"No, don't_"

"Was there tongue?" Schmidt asked eagerly.

"For crying out loud..." Jess let her head thud to the table in front of her.

"If there was no tongue it doesn't count, everyone knows that..."

"Schmidt!" She warned.

"You didn't answer my question, Jessica."

There was a pause as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat on the other end of the line.

"There was tongue..." Jess admitted.

"That's my boy!" Schmidt whooped "What are you calling us for? Go seal the deal!" He yelped and there was an audible sound of Cece slapping him on the chest as her quietly hissed exclamation of ' _He's. With._   _Reagan!_ ' rang in Jess's ear.

"Okay, you're back off speaker. I'm taking this call out to the living room - clearly this news is a little too much for  _some_  people to handle..."

"Cece, I tried to keep my guard up, I swear I did."

"What happened, Jess? Like,  _how_  did it happen?"

"We were both a little drunk..."

"There it is..."

"...and I'd just come back to the apartment after we'd had a fight about Reagan_"

"Hold up - you were arguing about  _Reagan_? Is something going on?"

"No...I don't know..." Jess sighed, screwing her eyes shut and leaning back against the seat "...Nick wasn't well, he practically fainted in the street the other night. I told him to call Reagan and tell her but he refused and was being crazy stubborn about it. So, I might have done my usual can't-stop-trying-to-help thing and called her myself."

She could practically hear Cece shaking her head all the way from L.A and knew that it was justified. Jess couldn't help thinking that this could have been avoided if she'd just listened to Nick when he said he didn't want to phone Reagan. She'd not anticipated his severe reaction, but deep down she realised the conflict and subsequent drunken encounter had been all her doing. All of it. Mentioning Jeremy because she enjoyed seeing Nick riled by it, flirting with him when she knew it was a bad idea, letting him kiss her, kissing him back...because the truth was she could have stopped it. But she didn't want to, and that's what she was angry at herself for. Jess had lost control over herself and thrown her morals to the wayside. If Nick's phone hadn't gone off, she knew exactly where they would have ended up.

"Jess..." Cece sighed, her words full of pity for her best friend "...is Nick still with Reagan?"

"Yes." Her voice was small and tortured, hot tears prickling at her eyes and making her glad she was hidden away in an empty cafe.

"Honey, you know you can't leave things like this. You need to go and speak to him. He's probably been obsessing over this all night too - you know how he gets."

"I don't think I can. God, Cece, every time I see his stupid, perfect, face I become this conflicted mess of a person who can't decide if she wants to punch him or kiss him. I hate what he does to me. I  _hate_  it." Jess began to cry quietly, wet splodges landing on the back of her hand.

"Then do something about it." Cece said bluntly.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Come on, Jessica. You're my person and I love you, but if you're honest about it, I think we all know that you were maybe hoping for something more when you went out there to stay with him. You were tempting fate, you and Nick were always going to get too close - it's just what happens when you spend too much time together. I tried to warn you, but I know you didn't want to hear it."

"I didn't  _mean_  for this to happen!" Jess protested sadly.

"I know, babe. Listen, I'm not trying to say you were wrong, I've got your back no matter what and you know that - but something  _has_  happened between you two while Nick is still in another relationship. That's a big deal, but you guys have  _got_  to deal with the fallout yourselves. No one else can do it for you, as much as I wish I could."

"You're right." Jess sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and replacing her glasses "I know you're right...it's just hard, Cece. I'm scared."

"Tell him how you feel, Jess. You owe it to yourself to let your feelings be heard for once rather than trying to hide them because you think it's what is best for everyone else."

...

Nick's head pounded, the thumping in his skull pulsing through his brain and making it hard for him to open his eyes. He lay there on top of his bed, still in the clothes he had worn last night and in the same spot he had passed out hours earlier.

After dragging himself off the floor outside Jess's room, he'd headed straight to the fridge for an armful of beers and back in to his own bedroom to drink himself into oblivion, choosing to leave everything including his phone in the same place as it was when he made the decision that may have just cost him his friendship with Jess. That thought alone was too painful to bear, so drowning the feelings out with alcohol was his only other choice.

Nick rolled on to his back and sighed. In the cold light of day, he felt like a pile of shit about yesterday. The whole thing had been so avoidable, and of all the ways he'd thought he might one day get to kiss Jess again, it ending like  _that_  was not on his list. He couldn't deny the force of the feelings he had for her any more, but the look in her eyes as she fled to her room was heartbreaking. All because he couldn't just tell her what was actually going on. Story of his freaking life.

Grimacing at his hideous hangover, Nick pushed himself in to a sitting position and looked around the room. Four empty bottles lay strewn at his feet, and the smell of stale beer wafted up to his nostrils making him heave. He ran a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck, stretching out the ache in his spine. Getting to his feet, he walked gingerly to his door and slowly pulled it open, swallowing the knot of anxiety steadily growing in his gut as he stared across the hall. Stepping forward until he was once again outside Jess's bedroom, he hesitated, then raised his hand and cautiously tapped on her door.

Silence.

"Jess?" He called "Please can we talk? I really need to explain about yesterday..."

More silence.

Trying the handle in one last desperate move, Nick was surprised to find her door swinging open in front of him. His eyes landed on her empty bed, sheets pristinely made, and he felt like one of his limbs had been cut off.

Jess was gone. Because of him. Again.

Heart hammering in his chest, he walked to the living area and scooped up his phone, swiftly clearing the missed call alert from Reagan still displaying on the screen. Scrolling his contacts, he glanced at the clock and dialled.

"Please pick up...please pick up..."

"Hey, man. What you doing calling me up so early? Everything okay?" Winston asked, his concern genuine.

"I kissed Jess." Nick blurted.

"Sorry, I think my hearing must be all messed up - 'cause it sounded like you just said you kissed Jess and I  _know_  you're not dumb enough to do something like that twice..."

There was silence on the line.

"Nick - tell me you weren't so stupid as to do this again?"

"I'm the dumbest boy in school." Nick groaned.

"Damn it, what the hell did you do? And you'd better tell me the truth. I'm a cop, I'll be able to tell."

"We were drunk, started talking about old times and then...I don't know, it's hard to explain but...I just couldn't  _not_  kiss her. I was feeling so bad after making her storm out earlier_"

"Why do I feel like I'm only getting half the story here?"

Nick sat himself heavily on the couch, shoving the empty muffin plate out of his view and letting his head drop back against the cushions.

"We had an argument yesterday because I found out she'd called Reagan behind my back. I shouted, she stormed off, we both got drunk...you know the rest..."

"Wait, I'm confused - why was Jess calling Reagan?"

"Because I nearly fainted the other day and Jess said I should have told her_"

"Hold up, hold up. Your storytelling is terrible. You nearly fainted?! Why?"

Nick groaned. He didn't want to say it out loud, but he knew it was going to come out sooner or later.

"Because..." He faltered "...because I realised I'm hopelessly in love with her."

"Reagan?!" Winston couldn't hide the surprise in his voice.

" _ **Jess**_..."

"Well,  _shit_."

"Exactly."

"So what's the deal with you and Reagan?"

"There is no me and Reagan. Not anymore."

"Does Jess know this?"

"Not yet."

"Damn, Nick. You've really screwed this one up - you know how guilty Jess felt after you kissed her when she was with Sam. She hates that crap."

"I know, Winston. I know...that's why I feel so awful. I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was try to go and explain everything. But she's not here...I don't know what to do..."

"You  _know_  what you have to do, Nick. When she comes back - because she  _will_  come back - you've got to talk to her. She doesn't like being lied to. Jess is the most forgiving person any of us know, especially when it comes to you and the shit you pull, but you need to tell her the truth."

"That's what I'm afraid of. What if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same? I can't lose her again Winston."

"I hear ya, man - but what other option do you have? Too much has gone on for you to pretend like nothing has happened. If you don't want to lose Jess, you have to be honest with her. It's scary to put yourself out there, I get it...but sometimes you just gotta feel the fear and do it anyway."

...

Nick stood and caught sight of himself in the mirror - he unequivocally looked like a complete mess. Outer Nick mirroring the way Inner Nick felt. His hair was sticking up all over the place, he looked like he hadn't slept for days on end, and the clothes he was still wearing were crumpled and covered in muffin remnants. This was not the look of someone who should be declaring their true feelings to another person. It would be like regressing back several years to post break-up Nick, all and any growth he'd had as a person null and void by his actions in the past 24-hours. Glancing around, he decided everything needed putting back in its place. He had no idea when Jess would be returning, but everything about last night needed to be out of sight. He fixed the couch cushions, washed the dishes, got rid of the empty beer bottles and wine glass. Then he went to shower because, frankly, he smelled disgusting. Nick needed things to be just right when he told Jess the truth. He felt like it might be the only shot he'd have at doing this again, because if he messed this up...he wouldn't blame Jess for a second if she walked away from him for good. He paced the apartment nervously, trying to go over the words he wanted to say but knowing he would remember none of them the moment he saw her face. His phone buzzed, and he grabbed it hopefully, sighing to himself when he saw it was from Reagan but stood himself up and walked to their room to do as she had requested. It was the least he owed her after this week.

Jess allowed herself to just wander the streets of New Orleans one last time. Taking in the sights and the smells she had come to adore in her time there for one more day. She did the entire river walk and back again by herself, listening to the sounds of the water and trying to forget the lump of guilt sitting in her stomach. She was a little sad to be returning to L.A in a couple of days, but at the same time completely relieved to get back to normality and away from the vortex of emotions within Nick's apartment. What happened last night, as sensational as it had felt at the time, was wrong. Jess knew shouldn't have come here. She wasn't a home wrecker - and wouldn't become one, not even for Nick. She remembered the look on Sam's face after finding out she and Nick had kissed while they were together, and she hated the thought of having now done the same thing to Reagan.

Even though being with Nick was all she wanted, it couldn't happen  _this_  way. She'd always feel like it was tainted with a sordid secret and Jess couldn't stand the thought of the unique relationship she had with Nick boiling down to a forbidden fumble on the couch while his girlfriend was elsewhere. They were worth more than that. So much more...she couldn't lose him a second time. If this wasn't the real deal, she didn't want to play ball - and that was exactly what Jess was was going to be brave enough to tell him when she got back to the apartment later that afternoon.

Or at least that's what she thought, until she walked through the door and the first thing her eyes landed on were several bags packed and left in the hall.

Reagan's bags.

"Jess? Thank god you're back..." Nick bolted out from the kitchen to stand before her, silenced by the look of absolute fury on her face as she pointed accusingly to the bags.

"Wow. You don't waste any time, do you? One drunken mistake of a kiss with your ex and you're prepared to throw your girlfriend out of her own apartment?!"

His eyes widened when he realised how it looked and he extended his arms in apology.

"No! No, Jess, I swear it's not what it looks like..."

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?!" She barked angrily and shoved past him so hard it knocked him back a few steps "If anyone is leaving this apartment, Nicholas, you can bet your ass it's  _me!"_

"Jessica, stop!" He chased after her as she reached the hall "She's not_"

"I honestly can't believe you, I don't even know why I came here! I promise you this much, I'll be long gone before Reagan returns_"

Nick caught her by the wrist, spinning her to face him and her heart thudded against her ribcage at a million miles an hour as she heard him raise his voice in frustration.

" **Reagan isn't coming back!"**

The wind well and truly left her sails.

" _What?"_

"Me and Reagan...it's over, Jess." Nick's grip loosened.

"I don't...understand." Her brow furrowed as she stepped away from his grasp, shaking her head in disbelief and walking further up the hall trying to comprehend what was going on.

Nick stood back to allow her the space she needed and buried his hands in his pockets.

"She's going to stay with a work colleague until I'm back in L.A and asked me to have some stuff ready for her friend to pick up later."

He gave a nod back towards the bags sitting by the door, but seeing the confusion play across her features, Nick carefully took a step forward. Resting against the doorframe of his bedroom, he took a deep breath.

"Look, she and I hadn't been working for weeks. Coming out here together, it's really proved that we just aren't a good match...in anything, really. We've tried, but we both agreed this was how it should be. Her work is always going to come first and I'm not sure quite how else I thought this would pan out." He pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed hard "We wanted different things..."

Jess looked up at him from the spot on the floor she was concentrating on and Nick saw her bite back whatever she had been about to say, lowering her gaze again. Sensing the questions unspoken, he continued.

"I swear this isn't a knee jerk reaction based on last night. She and I spoke yesterday. We'd already had the conversation way before you came back to the apartment_"

"Wait...you were already broken up? Before we even...?" She cut him off and pointed towards the couch, her face set in anger.

"Before we even..." He nodded solemnly.

"You  _asshole!_ " Jess thumped him feebly on the chest several times, tears brimming in her eyes "You damn, stupid asshole! Why didn't you  **say**  anything?"

"Because you ran away from me and shut yourself in the bedroom..."

" _Before_  that, Nick! You know, like maybe the moment I walked through the door?"

"I was going to..." He explained "...but you were in such a good mood when you got home, and I didn't want to ruin things. Then you started talking about Jeremy and I...I don't know, I wasn't thinking straight."

" _Stop_  making excuses! You should have told me. God, you could have said to me days ago that you and Reagan weren't working out. You had plenty of chances - but instead, you let me torment myself last night and carry around this crazy guilt all day about the thought I made you cheat on your girlfriend!"

"I  _tried_ _"

"Well you should have tried  **harder!** " She shouted "Damn it, I  _deserved_  to know."

"You don't think I know that? I wanted to, I swear - I just didn't..." Nick's voice was rising in volume again but he stopped himself mid-sentence, swallowing down the rest of his words and screwing his eyes shut.

"Didn't what?"

"Nothing, forget it." He shook his head but avoided looking at her "Look, can we please just talk about this properly, Jess?"

"No, i need you to answer my question first. You didn't... _what?_ "

"I said forget it."

"And I said no!" She shot back " **What**  didn't you want, Nick? What the hell would have been  _so_  difficult about telling me that you and Reagan had broken up? Everything we've been through and you still can't tell me what is going on in your damn life? What did you think I was going to do?! You don't trust me - is that it?"

"You know that's not true..."

"Then,  _WHAT_?!"

"I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TRY AND  **FIX**  IT!" Nick yelled, his voice cracking and eyes sparking with fire.

For a second, Jess felt like she couldn't breathe.

They stood staring at each other, her jaw dropping open slightly. She could see the muscle just below Nick's ear pulsing, every part of his body looking as tense as a coiled spring. His breathing was loud and uneven, words quiet but shaky as he broke the silence.

"Reagan and I broke up - and I didn't want it to be put back together again, Jess. That's the truth." His eyes were softer now, and she gazed at him shell shocked as he tried to explain himself "You being here in New Orleans - it's been so great, you know? Like old times...I've missed being with you every day - I just didn't realise quite how much until you were here, but sometimes you can't see what you really want until it's standing in front of you."

She barely dared to ask, but forced herself to find the words.

"And...what  _do_  you want?"

_It's now or never, Miller_

"You."

Nick looked at her as if it was glaringly obvious and Jess felt the air leave her lungs, leaning against the wall to steady herself. It's what she had dreamt of hearing from him for so long, yet she somehow still felt completely blind-sided by his admission. Seeing her reeling, he moved closer.

"Everything I felt for you before...I can't explain it, but it's almost like burying those feelings has only made them multiply...it's so much more intense this time - being so close to you again has just been like a catalyst."

She held her breath.

_Did she just hear him correctly?_

"I know now is a  **terrible**  time to say it, Jess - and I'm sorry if I misread the signals. Really, I am. But..."

"But, what?"

"But...I'm not sorry last night happened. That connection...it was amazing. I just needed to be honest with you, so you know the truth. I thought it was something we both wanted after the way things had been the past few days...if I'm wrong, and it was just some drunken mistake you'd rather not talk about - I'm truly sorry. Please,  _please_  don't leave because of this?" He sounded desperate, but he didn't care.

Silence descended for a few seconds, although to Nick it felt much longer. He was on tenterhooks awaiting her response. He knew what he had just said was going to change things, but he was ok with that. Nick was done with lying to himself...lying to  _her_. She deserved to know how he really felt and if she wasn't on the same page then, well...he would just have to find a way to deal with it. But he wasn't going to pretend anymore. He could do this, he didn't need to be afraid.

Sensing her take a deep breath, Nick braced himself for her reaction.

"You weren't wrong..." She whispered.

He stared at her with unblinking eyes, and Jess chewed on her bottom lip. If Nick could be honest, then so could she.

"...I did want to kiss you too. More than you know..." She picked at the skin on the inside of her palm, trying to calm herself down "Nick, as we're getting everything out on the table, I should tell you something."

"Okay..."

"The night before Schmidt and Cece's wedding, when I thought Sam was going to propose to me...I freaked out. I told him I couldn't marry him and right before he left, he asked me why. I couldn't give him an answer - I honestly didn't know. But he did. He already  _knew_  why..."

"He did?"

"It was because of  _you_."

Nick felt his heart stuttering as Jess spoke.

"I still had feelings for you, and I couldn't take that step to move on. I just hadn't been able to admit it to myself. But once I did, it was like I'd been hit by a truck. It was overwhelming, you know, feeling it all again?" She puffed out her cheeks and blew out a breath of air, her eyes glistening, preparing the let go of the last secret she'd been holding in "...and it wasn't the break up with Sam, or work, or anything else that caused my stress or the sleepless nights and anxiety, Nick. It was simply the fact I couldn't be with  _you_...you'd moved on with someone else and I...I couldn't bear it, the pain almost broke me."

Nick felt his chest tighten, and the familiar heat rush over him like the night at the river. Running a hand over his face and nervously stroking his chin, he shook his head in disbelief.

"Why...why didn't you tell me?"

"You were so pleased when Reagan turned up that night and...I just wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn't with me.'

"Oh my god, Jessica - if I had known..."

"I know..." She sighed "I know that  _now_ , Nick. But it was too hard. I didn't want to cause problems with you and her. That's not who I am. Besides - as far as I knew, you didn't feel the same anyway. You had this massive crush on Reagan so who was I to ruin that? I nearly didn't even come here when you asked me..."

"Really?" Nick tried to hide the sadness from his voice but couldn't. It stung that she was hurting so badly because of him that she had almost chosen to stay away. He understood it, of course, but it cut like a blade regardless.

Jess nodded, her fingers now playing with the hem of her shirt as she avoided looking at him.

"Spending weeks in a confined space with my ex-boyfriend who I still love? Come on, Nick. Who actually does that unless they're some kind of idiot? Laying in the guest room, falling asleep alone just across the hall from you every night has been torture." She tried and failed to laugh, her face falling serious when she finally caught his eyes and saw the apology in them. Jess noticed how dark his gaze had become, how intensely he was looking at her...the heat radiating from his body as he stood just inches from her own.

Nick leaned forward and reached a hand to her face, using his thumb to swipe a tear from her eye that she hadn't even notice escape.

"I'm sorry, Jess. I'm  _so_  sorry...I've been such an idiot."

"Have you ever wished we could just turn back the clock to mend things with us the first time, to try harder?" She asked, her voice breaking.

Jess closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, then laid her fingers over Nick's. He spoke softly, as if the words deserved to be carried carefully to her ears.

"I've thought about it a lot, yeah. We can't go back, but we  _can_  do it right this time, okay? I love you, Jessica. My feelings for you never really disappeared. I had to lock them away some place very deep when we broke up, otherwise they would have consumed me - I couldn't handle how much it hurt not being with you, Jess. I just got good at pushing them down far enough to be able to ignore it and try to move on, because I thought that's what you had done too. I thought that's what  _you_  wanted..."

Leaning her cheek in to the palm of his hand, Jess's voice was barely above a whisper as she lifted her eyes to his.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to fall asleep without you anymore..."

...

...


	12. Chapter 12

***A/N - FAIR WARNING, FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS PRETTY MUCH ALL M RATED CONTENT :)**

**ENJOY!***

**...**

CHAPTER TWELVE:

 

 

_"Nick?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I don't want to fall asleep without you anymore..."_

His mouth was on hers almost the same second the words had left her lips. Her tongue was seeking his, desperate to taste him again. Jess hugged one arm tightly around his neck as the other gripped his shoulder, Nick's arms wrapping themselves around her waist. He bumped them into her door frame, the passion propelling them forward. Her feet barely skimmed the floor when Nick lifted her into the bedroom, spinning with her still in his arms and kicking the door closed with his right leg. His weight pinned her up against it and Jess made a little noise in the back of her throat as his crotch lined up with hers, the bulge in his pants pressing in to her pelvis and making heat spread through her abdomen. She had fistfuls of his shirt and moaned into him as his hands roamed across her back and down her sides, needing to touch all of her at once. Breaking apart for air, Nick smiled and placed a few short pecks on her lips as he tried to catch his breath, feeling her grinning back at him from under his mouth. Jess slid her arms around his waist, and her hands snuck up the back of his t-shirt to run across his skin. Tracing her fingertips back around to his front, she tugged the material up over his head. Nick obligingly lifted his arms and Jess threw the shirt to the floor, bringing him back towards her by grabbing at his waistband. The heat of his bare skin seeped through her thin blouse and made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Nick began to unbutton her top, stopping halfway through to dip his head - kissing her softly across the skin of her throat and down to the delicate curves of her cleavage, just visible above the material that was still done up. Impatient and unable to wait for him to finish, Jess quickly undid the final buttons and let her shirt fall open, feeling him swallow against her neck as he pushed the top down her arms and on to the floor where it fell at her feet.

"I want you so much, Jessica." He murmured in her ear.

"Nick?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I'm so turned on right now..."

"Yeah, that's kinda the aim..." Nick replied, running his tongue slowly along the curve below her earlobe and feeling her melt a little beneath him.

Dropping to his knees, he ran his hands up the back of Jess's bare legs making her giggle. She suddenly felt nervous, like being back in high school. Why did she feel nervous?! This was Nick.  _Her Nick_ , the love of her life - the man she had already slept with more times than could possibly be counted and yet, somehow, her insides had turned to jelly and her cheeks were blushing red all because of his touch. Placing his lips to the soft skin just above her knee, he feathered kisses up her left thigh before repeating the process on the other side. Jess was practically pulsing between her legs already and he hadn't even gotten started. Boy, was she in trouble...

Nick hitched her skirt up around her waist and smiled at her yellow underwear. Even her panties were full of sunshine. He kissed his way across the fabric, enjoying the sound of Jess taking a sharp intake of breath as he ran his tongue along the skin above her waistband - so tantalisingly close, yet so frustratingly far from where she needed to feel him. Nick sensed her squirming and hooked his fingers over the elastic, whipping them down to her ankles and causing her to gasp at the sudden sensation of cool air between her legs, which was swiftly replaced by the warmth of his mouth and - by, God - Jess nearly passed out with pleasure as his tongue caressed her slowly in all the right places. Her fingers ran themselves through his hair and gripped firmly, letting him know this was exactly what she wanted.

Jess tasted phenomenal, just as he remembered. Nick loved the way her body reacted to him, how he could draw moans from her mouth just by the presence of his tongue on her skin. Feeling her body writhing from his touch, he thought he could quite happily stay there for hours on end, pleasuring Jess until her knees gave way and buckled beneath her. Nick licked, kissed and circled her to the brink of ecstasy before moving away to run his lips over the skin of her inner thighs - a move he then repeated on a loop until she couldn't stand it anymore.

_What was he playing at?_

"Nick..." she whined "...stop being such a damn tease!"

Jess felt him smirk while his mouth was against her and he quickly got back up to his feet, leaning his weight into her, resting one hand against the door behind them and kissing her hungrily. She could taste herself on his lips and it was so erotic she thought she might explode.

"Sorry." he apologised between kisses "It's been a while. Maybe you should help me out with some direction..."

Nick breathed against her neck as he moved to suck on the spot below her jawline that he was pleased to find still drove her wild. Trailing his finger tips back up the inside of her left thigh, he lingered there and stroked the skin.

"So...you don't want me... _here_?"

Jess sucked her bottom lip in and gave a tiny shake of her head. He danced his hand slightly higher up, hovering between her legs as she sighed into him before he softly ran a thumb along the delicate area just between her hip and pelvis.

"How about  _there_?"

"No..." She breathed, the evident frustration spurring him on. He knew exactly what Jess wanted, but was having far too much fun with his little game to give in just yet. Allowing his hand to finally land between her legs, Nick felt his dick twitch as he heard her breath catch in her throat at his touch.

"Ah...you want me  _here_?"

"Mmmm..."

"Hmm?" His mouth was still on her neck and the vibrations of the sound sent shockwaves straight to her centre.

"Yes!"

Drawing his head back, Nick looked down at Jess and cupped his free hand to her cheek again, kissing her slowly, deeply. Movements matching perfectly with the rhythm he was tracing out on her most sensitive area, making her jerk her hips forward towards him.

" _Nick_..." His name was a plea on her tongue.

"Yeah?"

"Nick, I..." She couldn't complete her sentences, so overwhelmed with what he was doing to her.

"Tell me what you want, Jess."

He whispered in her ear while he worked her faster, revelling in the little gasps coming from her as he did. He'd missed that sound.

"I...want... _more_."

"Oh...?" Resting his forehead against hers, he placed a solitary, lingering kiss on her lips "...you mean like... _this_?" Nick finally slid his finger inside her.

Jess whimpered against his mouth as her body instantly spasmed when a second finger quickly followed.

"Oh, God... _yes!_ "

She clawed at the skin of his back with her nails as he slid his fingers in and out of her slowly, continuing to circle her with his thumb, applying pressure at random moments to elicit curses from her lips as her impending conclusion drew nearer. Increasing the speed of his movements, Nick felt her body start to tighten and as she called out his name, he kissed her hard to swallow the cries she couldn't hold back when the inevitable climax shuddered through her. Waiting until she was completely spent, Nick finally removed his hand and grinned as Jess buried her face in his chest the way she always used to when she was embarrassed by how surprisingly loud she had been and didn't want to look at him.

Face flushed, she finally pulled back and merely offered a breathy "Wow..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... _wow_..." She rested her lips on the dip below his throat and murmured "...your turn..."

Jess curled her fingers over his waistband and reached to undo the buckle of his belt but felt his hand cover hers and hold it still when he realised her intentions.

She frowned, feeling somewhat confused "I thought you liked it?"

"I do." He replied, leaning in close and kissing his way up her neck "I love it, actually...but I really don't think I can wait much longer to be inside you." his voice was a gravelly whisper in her ear and, just like that, her body was on fire again. She wanted him too, more than she had wanted anything for a very long time. But she wasn't going to let him get away with being such a tease that easy. Jess wound an arm around his neck and pulled his face to hers, kissing him eagerly before pulling back and leading him by the hand to her bed.

"Well that's too bad, Miller..." Jess gave a coquettish grin as she pressed down on his shoulders to make him sit on the edge of the mattress. Placing a hand on each of his knees, she leaned forward to nibble on his right earlobe "I've waited a long time to do this again, so I think I'm going to take my sweet time with it..."

Nick threw his head back and laughed. A genuine, open-mouthed throaty laugh that made her heart nearly burst in her chest. Only with this man - this  _glorious_  man - could the mood switch so easily. They went seamlessly from getting hot and heavy as hell to being in fits of giggles with each other, and she couldn't imagine anything more perfect.

Nick looked up at her and nodded slowly, biting down on his bottom lip as he leaned his weight back on his hands.

"Well okay, if you insist...who am I to argue, right?"

Jess lowered herself to crouch on the floor between his legs, sliding her hands up the insides of his thighs and undoing his belt. He shifted his weight up for a second so she could remove his shorts and boxers, smiling inwardly as she threw them aimlessly to one side without even looking. Her gaze was fixed firmly on his crotch, where his erection was standing proud before her. Lifting her eyes to his, Jess ran her tongue across her lips and Nick felt his heart pound faster in his chest at the thought of what was coming next. Reaching out to stroke his fingers across the top of her arm, Jess swatted him away.

"Ow! What the...?"

"No touching, Nicholas!" She quirked an eyebrow at him and mischief sparkled in her eyes.

"Not only is that unfair - it's also going to be impossible!"

"Nuh-uh...if you touch me - I stop. Got it?"

The authority in her voice served only to heighten his arousal, but Nick swallowed hard and nodded silently, captivated by this feisty side of her he had always loved when she dared to set it free.

Biting back a smile, Jess dipped her head but kept her eyes locked on his as she ran her tongue along his entire length, making him draw in a gasp of air as she took him in her mouth and slowly moved to encompass as much of his impressive hardness as she could. A moan rumbled out from deep in his gut, and Jess noticed Nick was gripping fistfuls of the sheets between his fingers as she moved, drawing back every now and then to glide her hand around him while she circled his tip with her tongue. His left thigh began to tremble as she sucked up and down, lifting her gaze every now and then to look him right in the eyes.

It was getting too much - Nick screwed his eyes shut because the view was so hot he wouldn't be able to control himself for much longer - but there was no way he was letting this end prematurely.

" _Shit..._ Honey, I'm gonna need you to slow down..."

Leaning forward, he placed his hands either side of her shoulders.

Jess came away from him with a pop, a look of consternation on her face as she stood up, him following and getting to his feet, leaning towards her again.

"I told you no touching." She chastised.

"And I told  _you_  that wasn't going to be possible. I'm a  _man_ , Jessica!"

"Oh, that old chestnut." She rolled her eyes but smiled, skimming her fingertips across his stomach as he reached his hands to the soft skin of her waist, deftly unzipping her skirt to remove her only remaining item of clothing before walking them backwards to the wall opposite the bed until they landed against it with a bump, his naked body pressed against her. A moan unexpectedly left her mouth at the feel of him, hard as a rock on her abdomen.

The late afternoon sun flooded her room, illuminating the curves of Jess's body with their amber glow. Nick shook his head a little, dazed at the sight before him - every inch of her skin highlighted in a way that nearly made him speechless.

"I can't be expected to be stood in a room with the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and not be able to touch you. That's got to be some kinda violation of my human rights or something." Nick murmured, his mouth now hovering mere millimetres from hers - feeling the short, fast breaths escaping her lips and falling on his skin as she spoke frantically.

"Just shut up and kiss me, Nick..."

"I'm trying to!"

Their mouths met, open and wet. Hungry for the taste of each other. His tongue glided over hers and Jess's hands slid up his shoulders to link behind his head as they fell back into a kiss that seemed to erase all the years they had been apart. His fingers lost themselves in her hair, and she melted into him, the noises coming from the back of her throat making him want to never stop kissing her again.

Nick went to reach down between them, Jess doing the same, meaning their arms tangled and a mild struggle ensued as they both tried to be the one to control the situation and have the other in their hands. Jess dropped her arm from around his neck in frustration and grabbed him by the wrists.

"No more games..." Her voice cracked, sounding suddenly strained.

He nodded, seeing the true meaning of her words displayed in her eyes, insides twisting.

Reaching behind her, Nick pulled her in close and held her body tight to him, just for a minute. Felt her skin pressed flush to his, shaky breaths matching his own as their ribcages rose and fell quickly against each other. Eyes closed and remaining silent, they allowed themselves to be completely lost in the moment - to savour it, to commit this feeling to their memories forever.

"No games..." Nick whispered.

He pulled back and gazed down at her, lips still plump and moist from his kiss, breath catching in her throat and desire flaming in her eyes. Grabbing her around the waist, Nick lifted Jess into his arms and clear off the ground in one fluid move, drawing a gasp of surprise from her as she automatically wrapped her legs around his body. One hand supporting the gloriously smooth skin of her bottom, the other spanning the width of her back, he turned and walked them both over to her bed.

Nick could feel her heart pounding against his chest as his body pushed her into the mattress, one forearm resting by her head with his free hand still gripping tightly on the flesh above her hip. Nudging her cheek with his nose and resting his forehead on hers, he stopped to catch his breath before kissing her softly, tenderly. He ran his tongue slowly over hers and drank in the taste, his mouth coaxing hers open so he could reach more of her - but it would still never be enough. Moving his head, Nick dragged his lower lip up the curve of her neck to rest below her earlobe and felt her arch her back, pushing her pelvis to his.

"I love you, Jessica." He breathed, repeating himself as he felt Jess buck her hips up at his words "I love you...I  _love_  you."

Peppering her with kisses across her jaw, Nick returned eagerly to her mouth and Jess could feel her entire body buzzing. A heat that sparked electricity to surge through her veins, a connection once feared lost now instantly reignited. Like lightning striking at full velocity directly to her soul. A yelp escaped her lips as Nick moved himself lower, letting his teeth graze her nipple before he sucked it into his mouth and heard her low moan reverberating in his ears when he cupped her other breast in his hand and squeezed it gently. Jess was writhing beneath him, her breathing shallow and fast and he stroked his way down her side, the tough pad of his thumb brushing across the silky skin of her stomach and finding its way between her legs once more.

Jess nearly burst at his touch. She could feel each beat of her heart pulsing through every limb of her body, the blood was whooshing in her ears as he rubbed hard and slow against her clit, forcing her to bite her so lip hard she nearly drew blood.

"Jesus Christ, Nick...oh, God...I... _fuck_..."

She felt her climax fizzing all the way to her fingertips, toes digging in to the sheets beneath her. Her head was still swimming from the dizzying sensation as she sensed him crawl his way back up her body, skin now slick and glistening with sweat. Jess was aching for him to be inside her, practically clinging to him as her lay above her, hands around his shoulders and digging themselves into his skin. Not giving her time to recover, Nick rested himself between her thighs. He was so hard it nearly hurt, and he could tell she was more than ready for him. Nick entered her, slow and deep, his breath leaving him all at once and falling hot against the skin of her neck in a huff as his head dropped to her shoulder with a small grunt of pleasure. Jess let out a high pitched whine at the sensation of the stretch and pull of him. She'd almost forgotten how it felt to adjust to him, and it took her a moment to find her bearings.

Drawing back, he pressed into her a second time, then a third, rolling his hips as he did and groaning as Jess matched him thrust for torturously slow thrust. The old rhythm playing out as if their bodies had never been apart.

" _Nick_..." She mewled into his ear, fingers sliding their way down to his butt.

Sex between them had always been fantastic, but this? This was other worldly. On another planet entirely in a galaxy far, far away - and the intensity of it all was threatening to tip him over the edge before he was ready. He wanted this to last all night and to never stop until his body gave out, because he would never get tired of hearing her whimper his name in pleasure. That act in itself nearly made him explode. It carried a power like nothing else he knew.

Sensing her urgency, Nick hooked a hand under her left thigh and lifted it so her pelvis was tilted right up against him, then drove himself into her faster and harder just like he knew she wanted. The friction coupled with the slight change of angle nearly made her lose her mind. She could feel every perfect inch of him as he slid inside her again and again, the pins and needles starting to bubble up from her abdomen and shoot their way through her body in ripples.

" _Fuck_ , Jess...you're so close..." Nick could feel her start to tense around him and never dropped his pace for a second.

The pleasure rose inside Jess like the crest of a wave rearing up above the shore, gathering momentum before it came crashing down, engulfing her until she was consumed completely. Her grip on his skin tightened, her moans deep and desperate and delighted. It was all it took to bring Nick to his own release. It ripped through him with the force of a freight train: unstoppable, uncontrollable...and utterly fucking magical. The most wonderful feeling he had ever experienced - bar none.

To be  _with_  her,  _on_  her,  _in_  her again...it was  _ **amazing**_.

He collapsed on top of her, panting hard and lost for words. Feeling her legs wrap themselves tighter around him, he gave one last involuntary thrust and felt her spasm with a little aftershock. The two of them lay there speechless in a bundle of tangled limbs as they slowly came back down to earth.

Nick ended up a little way down the bed, his head laying on Jess's stomach as they waited in the quiet aftermath for their breathing to return to normal and their limbs to regain full functionality. He let his fingers glide back and forth over the skin of her waist, drawing repetitive little circles and figure eights.

Jess's whisper broke the silence first.

"I changed my mind..."

Nick's heart sunk in his chest, a hollow feeling creeping in to his stomach as he lifted his head to look at her, prepared for the inevitable regret in her eyes.

"You...changed your mind?" His voice was raw with disappointment.

She smiled down at him and stroked a hand through his hair and down to his cheek.

"Yeah. I changed my mind.  _That_  was our best sex ever...hands down..."

The relief washed over him and Nick pushed himself up on his forearms to lean closer, his forehead now resting against her shoulder, letting out a low chuckle as he saw the twinkle in her eyes.

"It was so good..." He agreed, placing his lips on her collarbone to dust it with kisses so light they tickled her skin.

"Correction, it was  _sooo good!_ " Giggled Jess, referring to their conversation the night before.

"Better than those stupid truffle fries?" He mumbled against her.

"Ooh, tough call..." She laughed, and he rolled his eyes before flopping backwards onto the pillows next to her while suppressing a smile.

They didn't leave her bed for the rest of the evening, save for a brief excursion to the kitchen for post coital snacks. As the night drew in, Nick propped himself up on the pillows and tucked his arm around Jess's shoulder, pulling her in close and resting his lips on her head as he twirled a lock of her hair in his fingers.

"I meant what I said, you know..."

"What's that?" She yawned, her hand stroking its way across his chest.

"If you had told me how you felt the night before Schmidt and Cece's wedding...If I had known...I swear to  _God_ , Jessica, I wouldn't have left you in a million years."

She lifted her head to look at him - to really look at him, his eyes as dark and honest as she'd ever seen them - and a smile played gently across her lips.

"It's okay..." Jess nodded "it's okay...we got here in the end, Nicholas."

Her mouth landed gently on his, pressure increasing as she leaned into him and his hand came up to cup her face, sliding his lips across hers and holding her close. They parted with a pop, foreheads touching ever so slightly and Nick stroking his hand up the expanse of her still naked back.

"I'm never letting you go again." He promised, slipping them both backwards to lay under the sheets.

Resting her head on his body, Jess allowed herself a moment in the silence to try and absorb everything that had happened that afternoon which ended with her once again in the arms of the man she loved more than she realised was possible. And she let herself fully embrace the old clichés when thinking about how phenomenal their sex had just been. The whole 'orchestra playing in the background, seeing stars, time standing still, fireworks behind the eyelids' kind of thing.

Because, boy, was that something else.

With her cheek pressed flush against Nick's chest, Jess watched the rise and fall of his breathing until she finally fell asleep with the silence broken only by the sound of his heart beating in her ear.

 

...

...


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

 

Nick was in a blissful half sleep as he rolled over and nestled his head into the pillow. The smell of Jess on the sheets clouded his senses - delicate notes of rose petals and summer sun. His dreams involved re-runs of last night's carnal activities, and the sleepy 3am second act that consisted of deliciously slow, lazy lovemaking that was just as perfect in a million different ways - her body tight to his, skin on skin, his arm around her hip and resting on her stomach with his chest pressed flush against her back as they spooned. He woke with a grin that was a mile wide and felt like he'd fallen asleep with a coat hanger in his mouth, his cheeks aching from the smile he'd been wearing unknowingly as he slept. Stretching out a sleepy hand, Nick reached for Jess but landed on the mattress beside him. His brow furrowed and he squinted in the morning sun, pushing himself up on his elbow and glancing around the room.

Her clothes - thrown aimlessly in different areas yesterday - were gone. The sheets on her side of the bed pulled smooth as if they hadn't been slept in. He swallowed hard, feeling his mouth go dry. Swinging his legs out of bed, Nick grabbed his shirt and shorts from opposite corners of the bedroom and hastily threw them on, ruffling his hair in confusion. He stepped into the hall and checked the bathroom - nothing. Next he walked to the kitchen, only to be met with more silence and an empty room.

This couldn't be happening again, please.

Nick could feel his heart beating faster in his chest and his palms were growing noticeably clammy as he opened the door to the balcony, hoping to find her in her favourite spot. He looked around and sighed.

The sound of keys in the lock behind him had his heart in his mouth and he span round at breakneck speed to look out of the doorway, sunshine beaming in to the living area over his shoulders and relief flooding his body. He let out the breath he had been holding as Jess walked into the apartment, wearing yesterday's clothes and her hair tousled and messy, without a care in the world. Her face lit up when she saw Nick waiting for her. Holding aloft a white paper bag from Cafe du Monde and two cups of coffee by way of explanation for her absence, she smiled.

"Morning sleepyhead...I thought maybe breakfast might be in order..."

"Perfect - I'm always  _starving_  after sex!" Nick laughed lazily as she walked towards him, stretching an arm above his head and making his t-shirt ride up to show off the hair dusting his stomach.

"I remember..." She flashed him a grin, placing the food on a side table and stepping out on to the balcony in front of him "...and you must have worked up quite the appetite!"

"No kidding." He quipped, bringing his arm down to slip around her waist and pull her into a hug. Hands resting on the small of her back, Nick bent down and kissed her softly. As his mouth moulded to her own, Jess gave a contented sigh and melted beneath his lips. Losing themselves in the kiss, it quickly turned deeper, Jess groaning into his mouth as he knocked them into the chair and up against the wall, so desperate to be close to her again.

The noise of a car alarm blaring in the street bought them back to the real world, breaking apart and grinning at each other.

"Sorry, I can't help myself." He chuckled, straightening up and gesturing for Jess to lead to way back inside the apartment.

"I'm not complaining! So, you want to eat these on the balcony?" She asked, pointing to the bag of hot beignets waiting patiently for them.

"Actually...I've got a better idea!" Nick bit his bottom lip and wiggled his brows as he suddenly lifted her into his arms like she weighed nothing in his strong embrace, causing Jess to squeal and wrap her legs tightly around his hips. Looking down into his soft, brown eyes she felt a sudden rush of love all over again and couldn't help but grab his face with both hands to kiss him square on the mouth repeatedly, only pulling back when Nick started to laugh underneath her.

"Thanks...I like you too, Jessica..." he winked, starting to walk in the direction of her room.

"Wait, wait, wait!" She yelled, stopping him in his tracks "Let's not forget what's important here..."

Jess leaned herself to the side whilst still in his grasp, scooping up the Cafe Du Monde bag and their tray of coffees into her arms.

"Okay -  _now_  we're good." She giggled.

"Alright...well, let's go get some powdered sugar in some unexpected places..."

...

Nick loaded the last of their bags in to the taxi and slammed the trunk shut, resting his hands on the vehicle for a second and looking up at the apartment building that had been his home for these past few months. Not for one second did he even  _think_  he would be going back to L.A like this. The decision of asking Jess to come and visit him was an impromptu, off the cuff one - but one he will be forever glad he made.

"That everything?" The driver's gruff voice asked, making Nick jump.

"Uh, yeah, pretty much. I'm just waiting for...oh, here she is now..." He smiled as Jess pushed her way out of the building, clutching a small box tightly to her chest.

Nick eyed her suspiciously as she approached.

"What ya got there, Jessica?"

"You'll see..." She smiled, nodding for him to open the trunk again so she could add her mystery parcel to their luggage.

They stood on the sidewalk facing each other, a nervous excitement bubbling between them.

"So, we're really doing this?" Nick asked "You and me. In the real world. Back at the loft?" He tilted his head and reached out to take her hands in his, running his thumbs over the smooth skin and sending goosebumps scattering up her arms.

"We're really doing this." Jess smiled, biting her lip like a coy teenager who'd just been asked to prom.

...

The familiar sound of the loft elevator pinged, doors slowly opening and allowing Jess to step into the hallway pulling her suitcase, with Nick stumbling after her - weighed down by dozens of bags like pack horse.

"Your room here must be empty" he panted "because I swear I'm carrying everything you own right now!"

"Shhhh!" Jess hissed as they approached the door "They'll hear you!"

He huffed and dutifully stood to the side out of view.

"Do we have to do this?"

"Yes! I wanna see the looks on their faces!"

"But surely they'll know I'm here?"

"Have you spoken to them since the other day? About us and our...uh...misunderstanding?"

"Well, no...have you?"

"No. So let me do this, because it'll be fun!" She beamed at him with shining eyes and he relented, leaning against the wall and watching her rattle her keys in the lock.

Walking into the loft dragging her suitcase behind her, Nick smiled to himself as he heard the whoops and cheers of their roommates greet Jess.

"I'm baaaccckkkk!" She laughed.

"Jessicaaaa!" Cece hollered, running in for a bear hug before stepping back to look her up and down "you look...different...you look...happy!"

"Thanks! New Orleans was good for me, but I'm certainly pleased to be home...and I bought you guys a gift!" Jess declared, glancing over her shoulder.

"What is it?" Winston asked excitedly as he stepped out from the kitchen to join the others "Did you bring me back a puzzle? You know how I love puzzles!"

She shook her head and stepped to one side as Nick walked into the apartment beside her to three shocked faces.

"Hey!" He beamed, arms loaded with luggage "Craw-Daddy's home!"

"Nicholas! I have left you  _four_  5-minute long voicemails in the past 48 hours and the only greeting you can grace me with is 'Craw Daddy's home'?! You insult me." Schmidt sulked.

"Ah, Schmidty - don't be like that! I'm sorry, okay - I was distracted with packing up and getting the flight home."

"Fine, I'll allow you entry into the loft, but you had better make it up to me." Schmidt raised his chin in the air "You're early anyway...you weren't due back for another couple weeks - I was going to pick you up from the airport in my best suit and give you the chauffeur service of your life - what made you come back with Jess?"

Nick looked to his right, straight into Jess's eyes - and the smiles on their faces left nothing unanswered. Dropping the bags he was holding, he moved to lace their fingers together and bought her hand up to his mouth so he could press a tiny kiss upon it.

"Oh my god!" Schmidt screeched "You didn't just come back with Jess...you came back WITH Jess!" He jumped up and down on the spot, gripping Cece's shoulder, unable to contain his excitement like a puppy on a lead. Propelling himself at Nick to envelop him in a hug far tighter than Nick was comfortable with, he squeezed him around the shoulders and knocked them a few steps backwards, breaking Nick's hold on Jess.

"Mazel Tov, my man. I thought you were going to mess it all up after that phone call from Jess about the kiss and yada yada yada - but, oh! This is the best news I've heard all week!"

Without warning, Schmidt planted his lips smack against Nick's, earning himself a forceful shove in the chest and a finger pointed right in his face.

"What did I tell you about kissing me like that?!" Nick warned, swiping the back of his hand across his mouth.

"Yeah, Schmidt - those lips belong to me now! You better reign it in, son." Jess laughed, stopping to smile at Cece when she caught her best friend's eye.

Tugging Jess by the wrist gently towards the kitchen until they were out of earshot, Cece began to pour them both a glass of pink wine.

"So, you two are...?"

"Mmhmm!"

"And did you...?" She raised her brows up and down "The other day...?"

"Uh-huh!" Jess grinned so hard her face hurt.

"Ha! I  _knew_  you were glowing!"

"I'm not gonna lie, Cece...it was even better than I remembered." She whispered and fanned herself with both hands while they both dissolved into giggles.

"Seriously though, I'm so happy for you babe. I know how much you wanted this and I'm so pleased it's all worked out. You deserve to be with the man you love."

Jess simply smiled and gazed adoringly at Nick who was doing some weird male greeting with Winston.

"Nick Miller, you dirty dog!" Winston jibed as they fist bumped, following it up with a half hug-half shoulder slap.

"Hey. I missed ya, bud."

"I'm proud of you, man. And I mean that from the heart." Winston pointed a finger at Nick, one hand still squeezing his shoulder "You could have gone full Miller in this situation, but you faced it head on. You picked the other move." He smiled.

"Thanks, Winnie. I owe you a drink after that call, I can tell you that for sure. And, I just wanna put this out there - this whole cop thing ever goes south? You should totally look in to motivational speaking..."

"Duly noted. Listen, I'm just glad you both realised what we've all known for a while - you're meant for each, Nick. So, I say drinks all round - you in?"

"Oh I am  _all in!_ " Nick laughed "But first let us go unpack, huh?"

...

"Hey, Jess?" Nick called, walking in to her room "I found this in with my bags - this is yours from the apartment, right?"

He handed her the small, well-packed box with holes pierced in the top and 'FRAGILE' stamped all over the sides.

"Yes! I was just looking for that!" She grinned, taking it from him enthusiastically and carefully opening it up to reveal a travel weary but still fully intact plant. Her favourite yellow flower from the window box in New Orleans, because there was no way she could leave it behind.

"Did you steal a  _flower_?' Nick asked, incredulous.

Jess scrunched up her nose and held the plant close to her chest protectively.

"No! I didn't steal it...I like to think of it as  _rescuing_  the flower...is that really bad? Do you think Reagan will be mad?"

"Honestly, I don't think she'll even notice." He chuckled.

Jess smiled down at the little yellow petals, once so frail and wilted just like herself. Now the flower was strong - it stood tall and proud, and she couldn't stand the thought of leaving it behind to die.

"It belongs here, with me." Jess said quietly.

"Okay..."

"Could you do me a favour and get some water? She'll definitely need a drink after so long in that box."

"She?!" He frowned.

"Uh...I mean  **it**...anyway, water? Pretty please?" Jess fluttered her eyelashes and Nick headed towards the kitchen.

Removing the last of the packaging from the little tub she had used, Jess gently brushed off some displaced soil and placed the flower on a sunny spot upon her windowsill. Her daily reminder that what is broken can be mended, with a little time and TLC.

"This is your home now..." she whispered "...welcome to The Loft."

Jess felt Nick's arms snake around her hips and his head lean down next to hers.

"Your water, m'lady..."

"Why, thank you, kind sir!" She replied in an equally silly voice, taking the jug from him and laughing as she dampened the soil.

Placing the jug to one side, Jess giggled as Nick turned her in his arms to face him.

"Guess what?" He said, biting his lip but still holding her close.

"What?"

"I've got something big to show you..."

"Oh yeah?" Jess raised her brow and slid her hands slowly up his chest, linking them together behind his neck and edging her lips tantalisingly close "Is it the same surprise you showed me this morning?" She whispered.

"No - although I'll happily sign you up for more of  _that_ , too..." Nick bent his knees ever so slightly, bringing his face in line with hers and pressing his lips along her jawline "...this is something I can't wait for you to see!"

"Not so fast you pair of lovebirds!" A booming voice interrupted them from the doorway.

"Schmidt, can you give us a minute?"

"No can do, Nicholas! What with you two  _finally_  getting back together, myself and Cece due to become home-owners in a short time, and Winston not killing himself on duty yet - there's nothing else more important in our lives right now than a celebratory game of True American!"

"I'm kinda in the middle of something." Nick huffed.

"Nonsense, get your butts out here - there'll be plenty of time for fornication later..."

"Schmidt!" Jess frowned.

"Don't give me that look, Jessica - I still haven't forgotten the first time round. You two were worse than a randy pair of teenagers. Living area. True American. Now!"

...

Later that evening, when copious amount of Chinese food had been consumed to help soak up the alcohol, Jess loaded the last of her laundry into the washing machine and heard a loud rustling from Nick's room.

Sticking her head around the door, she watched intrigued as Nick wrestled with an enormous ream of paper and cursed under his breath.

"Need a hand?" She laughed.

He visibly jumped three feet in the air at her voice, causing pages to be sent tumbling on to his bed.

"Oh, man...you made me drop my book!"

"What?" Jess asked in quiet disbelief.

"Yeah, this is what I wanted to tell ya!" He smiled, eyes bright with an excitement he struggled to contain.

"Oh my god!"

"It's my book! Read the first page, check it out..."

"To Anthony Rizzo and the Chicago Cubs - for all we've been through...and to my friend, Jessica Day, for the same thing..."

She looked up at him and beamed as he gave her a little salute and a quirky grin.

"Yeah, I might have to change that last bit a little now I guess." Nick chuckled nervously and fiddled with his hands.

"Nick, this is...this is amazing."

"Well, you say that - but you haven't read it yet." He quipped.

"I already know I'm going to love it. I knew you could do it." Jess replied without hesitation "I am so proud of you. So proud..."

Nick's smile faltered slightly and he sat down on his mattress.

"What's wrong?"

"You always believed in me when I wasn't able to believe in myself. No one else has ever had that kind of faith in me." he sighed, running a hand through his hair "I'm sorry, Jessica."

She frowned at him and perched on the end of his bed, laying her hand on his knee and leaning her shoulder against his.

"For what?"

"Everything. I'm sorry that I wasn't who you needed me to be the first time round, I'm sorry that I didn't fight harder to save us...I'm sorry about Reagan, for not being there when you were hurting, and about going to New Orleans, and..."

He was silenced by Jess reaching around to place her finger on his lips.

"Don't." She shook her head and spoke softly "Don't do that - there isn't anything to apologise for. We both made mistakes. It's not productive to be stuck dwelling on the past, Nick. This is our chance to make it right...I can't be without you again, I couldn't bear it. This is it for me." Taking her hand in his, Nick nodded and kissed her fingers one by one, turning so they were facing each other.

"I know, but I don't ever want you to think there was a time where I didn't care about you that way. You have always - without a shadow of a doubt - been one of the most important people in my life since the first day you walked into it, and I'm so glad you're crazy enough to like me back. I just need you to know that..."

"I do, Nick.  _I do_." Squeezing the hand still on his knee and smiling up at him, she continued "But we have to stop looking behind us now. There's so much to look forward to in our future...it's going to be so good."

Stroking his cheek, Jess leaned in to kiss him tenderly on the lips and felt him smile broadly against her.

" _Sooo good..._ " He teased, laughing as he pulled back and she swatted him playfully on the arm.

"I see what you did there. Well done, you..."

"Thanks."

Nick reached forward and scooped Jess up into his arms, bringing her onto his lap where he held her tight as she wound an arm around his shoulders and giggled. The sound that made his heart sing.

"I love you, Nick Miller."

"I love you too, kid."

Jess stroked her fingertips across the soft skin on the back of his neck and bit back a smile as he shivered under her touch. Laying her lips on his temple, she kissed Nick softly and let the scent of him fill her nostrils. She didn't have to be afraid of herself and her feelings around him anymore. She could get that hit, let it course through her veins and ride out the high of being with the only man who had ever made it seem like she was floating on the clouds. Jess would never get over the way he made her feel - like there was some kind of magic in the air.

She'd just had to believe...

Nick rested his head against Jess's shoulder, breathing in her delicate perfume. He closed his eyes, soaking up the sensation of her weight on him. He couldn't believe that somehow, they'd found their way back to one another. Like magnets, there was an unseen force inexplicably drawing them together despite everything, and nothing could stop it. Nick smiled to himself, feeling like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world - some people didn't even get one shot with the person they love, and here he was the second time around with the only girl who had ever made his earth spin on its axis.

Some wishes really do come true...

...

...

***A/N - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. THIS FIC CONSUMED ME MORE THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE WRITTEN, IT WAS BEEN A REAL LABOUR OF LOVE - BUT I REALLY HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED READING IT AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT!**

**(For anyone curious, the inspiration for this fic came after listening to a song called New Orleans by Parachute, as it gave me mega Ness vibes. I could just see them hanging out and finding their way back together. Go check it out.)**


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